Tag: floof humor

Thirstda’s Wandering Thoughts

Our cat sitter surprised us with her report on Papi.

Papi is our male orange cat. When I describe him, I use words like sweet but cautious. Wary.

The cat sitter said, “He’s such a sweet boy.”

Yep. We agree.

“He was always there waiting for me or showed up as soon as I called him,” the cat sitter said.

What? Papi shows up for me but often ignores my wife. We always thought Papi was distrustful of women.

“And he always wanted me to pet him and talk to me and purr, the sitter said.

Papi’s behavior was completely contrary to my wife’s experiences with him. Even though she bribes him with treats.

I noticed the cat sitter used a different sound when dealing with Papi. We use a kissing sound. She employed, “Psp, psp, psp.”

So I tried that on Papi.

The change was electric. He whirled around and hurried to me, tail up.

My wife’s eyes widened. She issued, “Psp, psp, psp.”

Papi turned and looked at her. “He usually ignores me,” my wife said.

We talked it over and agreed, that must have been the sound people used around him when he was young. Who knows, of course. We do know that the result is amazing. He’s a much friendlier and relaxed floof with sound employed.

Details matter. As always, the problem is in figuring them out.

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Floofpidity

Floofpidity (floofinition) –  1. The quality of making unintelligent decisions or acts regarding animals. Origins: Worldwideweb, 1999.

In Use: “Realizing he’d forgotten his drink, Brett set his plate of sandwiches down on the coffee table in an act of supreme floofpidity, and rushed back to the kitchen, creating an opportunity for the Puppy to gobble up Brett’s lunch.”

2. A dumb idea or decision by an animal.

In Use: “Demonstrating grade A floofpidity, a dog attacked a child, only to be counter attacked and chased off by Tara the cat.”

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Floofkensian

Floofkensian (floofinition) – Originating with or reminiscent of an animal. Origins: Charles Dickens, English Novelist, 1858, “A Tale of Three Kitties”.

In Use: “Floofkensian habits often endured for Jerry long after his floof’s departure, such as looking for them when he woke up in the morning or came home from work or shopping. Years passed before he finally and totally shed those habits.”

In Use: “Dickens left his mark on the household. By the time the rescue puppy passed away, floofkensian routines like afternoon walks, sharing food with the housefloofs, and sleeping with a furry warm body against you was firmly entrenched.”

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Nihfloofism

Nihfloofism (floofinition) – Viewpoint that existence is senseless and useless without an animal’s companionship. Origins: 1812, Floofman Nihfloofsmus, from the Flooftin.

In Use: “Without recognizing it, nihfloofism creeps into their life as they find a floof friend who becomes their best and most consistent, trusted friend.”

In Use: “Marco soon realized that nihfloofism dominated his mother’s existence, and was slowly overtaking his own life after he rescued a kitten he named Toby.”

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Floofvelation

Floofvelation (floofinition) – Surprising and newly discovered information about an animal. Origins: 14th century, Floofglo-French.

In Use: “Crystal lived with Priscilla for four years before the floofvelation that Crystal enjoyed eating peas and corn rose.”

In Use: “After rescuing McGyver (often just called Mac in daily conversations), Henry was surprised by the floofvelation that McGyver could climb trees.”

In Use: “Goldie looked like an average, ordinary goldfish, but Amy was sure that Goldie was special because of the floofvelation that Goldie always went to the surface and bobbed for a few seconds whenever Amy came into the room, like the little fish was greeting her.”

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Flooflective

Flooflective (floofinition) An animal’s ability to exclude and filter information so they only hear what they desire to hear. Origins: England, 1888.

In Use: “Rocky’s flooflective hearing allowed him to sleep through blaring television shows and people talking, but as soon as a bag was opened in the kitchen, Rocky heard it and was in there floof de suite.”

In Use: “Skipper had remarkably flooflective hearing, easily discerning the words, treat, walk, and ball, while remaining completely obfloofvious to stay, sit, down, and stop.”

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Saturday’s Wandering Thoughts

Nothing like unwittingly stepping — barefoot — into floof gack to change the morning’s trajectory.

Unwittingly is not superfluous there, either. On the one hand, what fool would wittingly step into floof gack? Are there people out there who cry with glee, “Look, floof gack,” and step in it? Perhaps; this world has some unusual individuals in it.

But it was unwittingly because I didn’t know anyone had gacked. So the gackdar was down. No warning at all until my recovering foot found the wet squishyness under it, forcing me to keep it up off the floor while I hopped-hobbled to the bathroom to rinse it off.

At least it was on the hardwood floor, and it wasn’t a major gack, just a category one. Easy clean up, you know?

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Near Floof Object (NFO)

Near Floof Object (floofinition) – Any object which orbits or lands within a floof-specified zone. Such Near Floof Objects (NFOs) can be deemed by the floof to be a threat or hazard and needs to be attacked, or potential food which needs to be eaten. Origins: 1981, NAFA (National American Floof Administration) report on NFOs: “Sniff, Eat, Warn”.

In Use: “Some floofs are floofadaisical about Near Floof Objects, allowing something to come as close as four inches before stirring themselves to take action, but Dynamo believed anything in the same house as him was a NFO, and would sniff it, warn it with loud repetitive barks, and try to eat it if its barks didn’t scare it away.”

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Imfloofervise

Imfloofervise (floofinition) – 1. To informally make or arrange something for an animal without planning. Origins: 2020, worldwide web.

In Use: “Her floofie looked chilly, so Millie took off her sweater and imfloofervised a blanket for him.”

In Use: “Rescuing a kitten, Marcus had to imfloofervise a carrier to take the tiny sick animal home and give her care.”

2. An impromptu singing or acting performance by an animal.

In Use: “Simone ordered her dog to stop barking, and the dog responded by imfloofervising being shot, opening his eyes wide and collapsing on his side.”

In Use: “Jamal’s bird often surprised guests with imfloofervised comedy routines about what the dog was doing, when Jamal didn’t have a dog.”

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Floofyfest

Floofyfest (floofinition) – A gathering of animals to celebrate the joy of life, the happiness of freedom, and the need for independence. Floofstorians believe it to have originally been organized by cats. Its time and place remains secret. No human is said to have ever witnessed Floofyfest. To date, the only insight that Floofyfest ever took place is from mentions in the remnants of The Chronicles found at Floofhenge. Some floofologists suggest that Floofhenge was the secret site of the first Floofyfest. Origins: circa 3100 BCE, old Floofish.

In Use: “Humper disappeared for three days to attend Floofyfest, and even though she knew her family was devastated by her extended absence, the opportunity to attend Floofyfest was too great to pass.”

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