Science fiction, fantasy, mystery and what-not
Superfloofsition (floofinition) – in housepet quantum principles, the theory, practice, and observations that a housepet seems to be in two places at once.
In use: “She left Penny downstairs asleep in a sunlit living-room corner, but when she turned from opening her drawer to select her clothes, the little calico was sitting on the bed, watching her with luminous green eyes as its tail-tip tapped out a slow, amused beat.”
The Internet of Floof (IoF) (floofinition) – connecting devices to share information about animals, often focusing on housepets and their antics, or the love relationships between odd animal couples, usually through social-media postings.
In use: “On the Internet of Floof, it’s not surprising to discover dozens of posts a day about a neighborhood saving a cat in a tree, an old dog living on the street being saved and finding the safety and comfort of a home for the first time, or a pig raising orphaned kittens. Anything is possible on the IoF.”
After dreaming about games, weather, and being back in the military, my dreamscape rotated to family and dogs. None of the people in these two dreams, except my wife, are anyone from my life.
In the first dream, I was a white man in a black family. I was an adult and I’m not sure how I came to be part of that family. I liked them but felt a little awkward with them. Mom, a smiling, confident, attractive woman, kept reassuring me that I was part of the family. The others agreed, but with less enthusiasm. I was always there when we ate and watched television, but was normally sitting off by myself.
Then Mom announced we were buying a new car. Cars were my thing so I was enthusiastic. That pleased Mom. She let me led the car-shopping expedition. We ended up buying a blue BMW M4 Cabrio. Mom made the choice, and it surprised me. It’s not a family-oriented car. I asked her with astonishment, “Are you sure?” Mom, always relaxed and in-control, said, “Yes, Michael, and you can drive it.”
My next dream found my wife and I taking care of dogs for several people during a holiday. Quite chaotic, I ended up driving another guy’s car. The car belong to my friend, Dominic. I was also taking care of his dog, Drew. Drew was a big, goofy, not-very-bright white canine who was always loping off to do something. There were several other dogs, but the were always where they were supposed to be, and not getting into trouble.
Lots of things were going on. It was a holiday weekend. We had guests and a big dinner party, the weather was unpredictable, and the dogs kept running off. All but Drew would return. I’d always need to look for Drew.
The big meal ended and we were cleaning up. I had a huge, clear bowl. It’d been used for spaghetti with sauce. Now it was a mess. I kept scrubbing it, per my style, to get it clean. I finally was almost finished
I was baffled about where my car was. Drew disappeared again, and I had to find him. I was exasperated because nobody else was helping.
The dream paused. I said, “Okay, everyone is accounted for except Quinn.” Quinn is my real-existence cat who passed away last November. “I haven’t seen Quinn in a while.” I worried about him being okay. Then I remembered that he’d passed away.
I couldn’t find Drew. One of our guests said that she thought Drew was at his home. I decided to go out to confirm that. As I went to leave, I saw that my wife was cleaning up the house after the dinner, but she was using the big, clear spaghetti bowl that I’d clean as a trash can. That upset me. I told her that I’d cleaned it. She brushed off my concerns.
I drove Dominic’s car out to his place to check to see if Drew was there. I felt bad about using his car, which was a 1960s muscle car, but it was too vague to remember exactly what it was. The car used a lot of gas, and I was worried about using all of his gas. His place was a mixed-used community with a train station, supermarket, fitness center, and townhouses. I went to Dominic’s townhouse.
The townhouse was large and luxurious, with a number of sprawling staircases. The family was home. They’d just gotten back. So was Drew, except he ran off when I went in. There were several other dogs. I decided to walk them while looking for Drew. One dog was very intelligent. I said, “Do you want to go for a walk?” The dog immediately went to the door. I said, “Let’s use the other door.” He turned, went up the steps to the other door.
We left through that door to take a walk and find Drew, but we ended up in the fitness center. The fitness center had a lounge where fit, attractive people were watching the news on television. Through glass walls, I could see into the fitness center where rows of people were exercising.
Finding another way out, I took the dogs for a walk. When I went outside, I found Drew cavorting around the lawns. He’d gotten dirty, of course. Seeing Dominic, I greeted him and chatted. I wasn’t sure if Drew had been at our house during the weekend and was trying to clarify how Drew was at his home. Dominic waved off my questions and concerns, telling me, “Drew is fine. Drew is Drew.”
I walked the dogs across a park and remembered that I had Dominic’s car and had forgotten to tell him.
After walking the dogs, I came across Dominic’s family. They were under the building, in a plaza, relaxing on a blanket and looking out on the scenery. The plaza was open on all four sides. Mammoth pillars held up the train station and the buildings. From where they were, the trains could be watched as they arrived and departed. Past that was a rolling green countryside
I said, “You know, this isn’t actually a bad place. It’s got everything you need right here.”
Dominic’s wife said, “You know, we were just talking about it, and thought that this is the perfect place for people like you.”
I said, “Who are people like me?”
That’s where the dream ended.
Floofprocity (floofinition) – expectation among housepets that if one pet is given something, the others get some, too.
In use: “”Hello, sweetie,” he said to his puppy, bending down giving the happy, wriggling animal several scratches and kisses. As he looked up, the other dog and both cats headed his way, ready for some floofprocity.”
Flooflighting (floofinition) – similar to gaslighting, flooflighting takes place when a housepet begins manipulating activities to sow seeds of doubt about what’s going on to either inflict terror, gain power, or get revenge.
In use: “She was beginning to think her cat was flooflighting her. Every time she couldn’t find something, she’d find the big black and white cat sleeping on it under her favorite chair. It couldn’t be a coincidence that things were always dropped there. He had to be picking them, moving them there, and then hiding them from her.”
Floof-matter (floofinition) – a hypothetical form of matter invisible to people that housepets often notice, postulated to account for animals’ odd behavior.
In use: “Without warning, the cat leaped up from its dead sleep, stood on her lap, and stared across the room without movement. She stayed calm, realizing that Alberta was probably seeing floof-matter.”
Doofloof (floofinition) – a housepet who often acts silly.
In use: “The feathered doofloof liked collecting things from around the house like rubber bands, chains, keys, and bracelets, often dancing in triumph while singing when he added a new treasure to his collection.”
Floofallama (floofinition) – a housepet who resembles a llama; a llama who is a housepet.
In use: “With its big, dewy eyes, long lashes, and curly, soft light-brown fur, the dog was a floofallama, and could have easily been at home on a llama ranch.”
Adflooficate (floofinition) – to make an official decision about who is right in a dispute between two or more housepets.
In use: “The household’s sole feline, a small, older female, was involved in almost every dispute that he had to adflooficate. Disputes usually involved food, toys, or a warm place to sleep. No matter what he decided, it seemed like the cat always won. Whether the dispute was between the human and the cat over a chair or between the dogs and the cat over the bed, she always seemed to win.”
Flooflandia (floofinition) – ancient continent where animals ruled and lived in harmony. Floofologists disagree as to whether Flooflandia is mythological or was real. Recent theories hold that Flooflandia exists but requires quantum powers and knowledge that only animals possess to reach it.
In use: “They say that in Flooflandia, no animal is an orphan, for another animal will find it and take care of it as its mother.”
Michael Seidel, writer 