Tag: dogs

Cannafloofbidiol (CFD)

Cannafloofbidiol (CFD) (floofinition) – A chemical reaction induced by talking, petting, or being with animals, useful for reducing people’s anxiety and stress, with end results often said to be similar to ingesting or inhaling CBD.

In use: “She wanted a glass of wine, or even some marijuana to relax, but first Louise had to sit and let her brain empty. As soon as she did, her lab curled up with her. Within minutes of talking to the lab and stroking her fur, the cannafloofbidiol had mellowed Louise to the point that anything else seemed redundant.”

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Omnifloofium-gatherum

Omnifloofium-gatherum (floofinition) – A gathering or collective of housepets. On small scales, they are generally organized around pools of sunlight or food being distributed. Organized omnifloofium-gatherums are established for more serious matters regarding quantum energy, shape-shifting, and time-shifting.

In use: “Each year, unbeknownst to humans, an omnifloofium-gatherum was established in which five representatives were sent to another dimension on a fact-finding adventure. Though it was an honor to be selected, the housepets felt bad for their humans, because they never knew what had happened to them.

“Then, along came a boy and a girl who changed everything.”

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Floofcist

Floofcist (floofinition) – One who follows a floofcism, a doctrine that animals are less intelligent than humans, lack emotions, and don’t love or feel pain as humans do, and should therefore have less rights and freedoms.

In use: “Ted initially seemed like a great guy, but then revealed that he supported big game trophy hunting. Being floofcist was an immediate deal breaker for Heather, she told him. In response, he laughed at her shallow sentimentality.”

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Spokesfloof

Spokesfloof (floofinition) 1. The outspoken pet that answers for the group when their people talk to them. 2. Persons, groups, or organizations that speak up on the behalf of animals to gain protections and rights.

In use: “Arriving home and seeing his menagerie, he always asked, “Who’s hungry?” Jade appointed herself as spokesfloof to reply, “Meee,” but the rest generally agreed with her after a few seconds.”

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Floof Apparent

Floof Apparent (floofinition) – A housepet whose claim cannot be set aside by the birth or arrival of another housepet.

In use: “Though the kitten was gorgeous, Francis the dog knew that he was the floof apparent, and showed he was unconcerned by taking the kitten under his paw and helping her learn how the house worked.”

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Floofwork

Floofwork (floofinition) – Specific tasks at home related to having housepets, such as cleaning litter boxes and brushing animals’ fur coats.

In use: “Leaving the bedroom for the kitchen, she paused five times along the way to pick up clumps of fur. Five times. She was incredulous. She’d just picked up fur when she’d gone into the bedroom not three minutes ago. Floofwork never ended.”

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NIMB

NIMB (Floofintion) – Acronym that means Not In My Bed, employed by housepets to register their disdain for anyone/thing disrupting their slumber.

In use: “Raising her head, she issued a plaintive NIMB growl when another animal jumped onto the bed. The other immediately fled.”

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Floofcession

Floofcession (floofinition) – A number animals moving forward in an orderly fashion, especially as part of a ceremony, following mom, or going to eat.

In use: “When the can-opener began turning, a floofcession came through the door and settled at her feet.”

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Unifloof

Unifloof (floofinition) – Animals who hang around colleges and universitites.

In use: “Unifloofs were abundant, with unideer bringing their unifawns to mingle with the students, to unisquirrels racing across the campus and up trees, and, most popular with the students, unicats soaking in sunshine and knowledge while spying on the students to see what they were learning.”

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