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Floofen (floofinition) – a housepet who commit crimes, often involving food, toys, or escaping.
In use: “The floofens worked together as a team. The dog distracted the people while the cat pulled food off the table. Both shared the spoils. Pizza was their favorite. Pizza was never safe from the floofens.”
Metafloofics (floofinition) – discipline of floofosophy concerned with household pets’ fundamental grasp of reality, or what reality they might be living in.
In use: “The question before the hypothetical household court was one of metafloofics. They’d debated before whether the dogs and cats adhered to the same principles or reality and existence. Mark had a strong feeling that the cats did not, and he was starting to believe they were influencing the dogs.
“That, frankly, disturbed him.”
Wanderfloof (floofinition) – a housepet with a penchant for wandering.
In use: “Although she’d been his cat for six years, the pet door let her roam as she wanted. As he held the wanderfloof one day, a neighbor expressed surprise, because she’d been feeding and taking care of the cat for the last several years. She’d always wondered where the cat went when it disappeared for hours.”
Flooftentious (floofinition) – a pet’s behavior characterized by assumption of dignity after something silly or an event that casts them in a bad image has taken place.
In use: “When falling to make a jump as planned, cats’ flooftentious reaction will be to sit and groom their face, or to look around with an expression that states, “What? I meant to do that.””
Floofdigenous (floofinition) – particular places where we normally or naturally find our pets in our homes.
In use: “In many homes, sofas, couches, beds, or patches of sunlight are floofdigenous to our cats and dogs.”
Flooflaw (floofinition) – a house pet who contemptuously believes themselves above household rules; an animal scofflaw.
In use: “Household flooflaws broke into the cupboard and raided the treats and kibbles, leaving empty bags behind.”
Flooftusi (floofinition) – dance performed by some household pets, it usually involves the creature sitting still and moving nothing but its head, often as it watches something. Cats will often perform the dance inline while watching birds. If they add chattering to the dance, catologists call the variation the bird-tusi.
In use: “Lined up at the window, the three felines watched birds and performed an admirable variant of the flooftusi that’s known as the bird-tusi.”
Flooflebrity (floofinition) – a pet who is widely known and of great interest.
In use: “Although Kirk the border collie won the 2017 Purina Pro Plan Incredible Dog Challenge, it was video of her watching and reacting to her performance that made her a flooflebrity.”
Floopy (floofinition) – a pet who acts silly.
In use: “Meep was floopy today, galloping into the house from the patio, sliding to a stop on the hardwood dining room floor, and then spinning around and galloping back out.”
It was an expulsion from his mouth and nose, a rejection of foreign bodies irritating his systems,
And a trigger for the cat to leap up from deep sleep and scurry from the noisy monster (who is usually quiet and friendly, especially when he has food or treats) into another room’s safety,
And a cue for the dog to say, “Hello!” (woof),
And a signal for annoyance to fly through his wife’s expression as she says, “That’s one.”
Michael Seidel, writer 