Science fiction, fantasy, mystery and what-not
Floofare (floofinition) – a short and showy blast of trumpets, often imaginary, that accompanies a housepet’s entrance; a housepet’s showy outward display.
In use: “Whenever the door opened and his name was called, the puppy galloped in, and around the room, putting on such a display that all could hear the floofare announcing his entrance.”
Inflooftory (floofinition) – process for to account for or count pets and other animals.
In use: “An inflooftory was conducted each evening to ensure all the animals were safe and fed. Fortunately all held to habits that shortened the time and effort to locate the dogs, cats, birds, reptiles, and the goat.”
Panfloofism (floofinition) – the belief that housepets have consciousiness, intelligence, and rights equal to humans.
In use: “Her panfloofism kept her from marrying for several years because she simply couldn’t tolerate anyone who thought of cats, dogs, and other animals as dumb beasts.”
Floof-toll (floofinition) – a tax or fee paid to housepets for some liberty or privilege; compensation paid by housepets for services such as feeding, treats, and fresh water.”
In use: “The rescue was his first dog but he soon realized that floof-tolls were attached to everything. Whenever he stood still or sat, the dog came, sat on his foot, and looked up at him in adoration. In return, the dog warned him whenever a pedestrian, car, or another animal approached the house. Both enjoyed the other, and the floof-tolls, such as a scratch around the ears or a treat, were tiny tokens for the shared joy.”
Transfloofdental (floofinition) – the ability to ignore what’s going on or what will happen with your housepets and get things done.
In use: “The cats and dogs were all sleeping, but she had no choice. Determined to be transfloofdental, she turned on the vacuum and began hoovering.”
Yardfloof (floofinition) – a pet who prefers to stay in the yard outside.
In use: “Although it was cold and snowy, Emmie remained outside, refusing invitations to come into the warm house. A dedicated yardfloof, the little tortie forced Gemma to construct a stouter home to keep her warm and safe during the blizzards.”
Two dreams gained press in my morning reflections.
The first dream placed me in an old white house. My deceased mother-in-law was there, puttering around in the kitchen, a cup of coffee in her hand, as she did in her healthier years.
Looking outside the kitchen windows, I saw fast-moving brown water had taken over the creek. As I did made coffee and looked at books, I kept an eye on the creek. The waters were rising.
It wasn’t raining but I put together that it’d heavily rained after several days of snow, and we were seeing melting run-off. I told the others about it. Nobody seemed to understand what I was talking about (a common issue in my dreams). The water was then actually three inches above the window’s bottom edge, but it only flowed past on one side. Looking out, I confirmed it was flying above the banks but staying to the banks’ formation.
I told the others, “It’s going to flood. We need to leave.” My mother-in-law said, “No, I think I’ll stay here.”
I thought it was a bad decision but it was her choice. I donned my hat, put my laptop into my backpack, and swung my pack into place. Going to a big white door to leave, I encountered a small white dog looking up at me. With a spurt of blood, its head popped off. I was horrified and struggling what had happened. The dog’s head turned and looked at me from its spot on the wooden floor, and then the head and body re-attached. Tongue lolling, the dog stood, looked at me, and wagged its tail.
“What’s going on here?” I said. “Water overflowing its bank, but continuing to flow as if it’s in its banks, a dog loses its head for no reason, and then it re-attaches? What the hell?”
Nobody paid any attention to my comments. The dream ended.
***
The next dream found me waiting for friends in a parking lot by some docks. I was excited, because we were doing something special that day, going on some sort of ride.
They walked up, my friend and his girlfriend. He was having second thoughts, which disappointed her. He asked me, “How ’bout you? Are you ready to go?” “Yes,” I said without hesitation.
We encountered four other friends. They were going in another car. Grabbing some gear, we got into my friends’ little silver car and took off. It was a quick ride. My friend voiced his uncertainties about what we were going to do, and the girlfriend turned to me and said, “He’s been like this for the last few days.”
I sympathized with both but said nothing.
We arrived and parked, and unloaded our gear. Then we approached the entrance. There was a line and we’d need to wait. They gave us a number. It’d be called when it was our turn.
We went out and sat on a grassy area by a sidewalk. One employee asked us if we wanted to play a game. The game involved us using a small bat, about eighteen inches long, to hit a ball about the size of a golf ball. The ball’s landing place established what you got, from out to home run, with every kind of hit in between, along with things like force outs and put out. Sure, we agreed.
My friend tried first and ended up with a little dribbler that ended as an out. Taking my turn, I hit a single. By the rules, you keep going until you’re out, so I kept going, hitting several more singles, getting better with each until I hit a home run. Everyone was impressed.
I surrendered my turn so that others could play. They were all quickly out, and it was my turn again. I continued hitting doubles, triples, and home runs. The employee said, “You’re better at this than anyone that I’ve ever seen.”
It was time for us to go on our adventure. I opened on of my bags to get my helmet out. I immediately spotted a Royal Stewart band. Pulling it out, I confirmed that the crash helmet I had had belonged to Sir Jackie Stewart, a retired three-time Formula 1 world champion. I’d been a huge Jackie Stewart fan in my teens, so having the helmet delighted me.
My friend and his girlfriend discovered that they’d forgotten their helmets. As they bemoaned that, I said, “Don’t worry, I have extra helmets.” Opening bags, I found racing helmets. As I wondered why I had so many helmets, I thought that they belonged to retired racing drivers and was going to pull them out to look, but had to pass them on to my friends.
The dream ended.
Floofkanda (floofinition) – An isolated region where housepets roam in safety and happiness while learning about the secrets of the universe.
In use: “Many people think their pets die, but in reality, they’ve found the bridge to Floofkanda. Although they love their bipedal friends, a natural imperative forces them to cross the bridge and reach Floofkanda.”
Gadfloof (floofinition) – a housepet who provokes others into action by criticism.
In use: “A true gadfloof, Raven beckoned Suzo forth with mews and glances until Suzo followed her. When they stopped, Raven sat down in front of the litter box. She looked at Suzo and then dolefully looked at the box. Suzo looked at Raven. Raven looked at the box again and Suzo realized it needed to be cleaned.”
Acfloofsition (floofintion) – acquiring a new pet for the household; reference to a new housepet added to the family.
In use: “He’d not planned an acfloofsition, being happy with the two cats he’d had for ten years. It was actually the cats’ fault that he added a new Dalmatian. They’d found the poor dog half-dead in the backyard. The grey old male with amber eyes, Adamas, kept watch while the other cat, Smudge, returned to the house and meowed until he came out to see what was going on. Once he saw the dog, a bond grew with phantom speed.”
Michael Seidel, writer 