Profloofgate (floofinition) – Person who spends extravagantly for animals or spends large sums of money on animals.

In use: “Dissatisfied with other aspects of their lives, people turn to satisfying their fur friends first and foremost, becoming a profloofgate when it comes to their animals’ food, toys, comfort, and healthcare. Some claim that they’re forced to be a profloofgate because they have multiple animals with special needs, and prices just going up, up, up.”


Mondefloof (floofinition) – A misheard word or phrase that causes an animal’s reaction.

In use: “Noting that when she asked her husband where the wok was, the dog went for his leash to go for a walk, she vowed to spell wok in the future to avoid the mondefloof.”


Flooftrot (floofinition) – A broken slow-trotting gait in which a person or animal pursues another, speeding up and slowing down as the other speeds up and slows down.

In use: “Conway pulled his leash from Jackie’s hand. Freed, the big dog began investigating surroundings with his big, black nose. Starting a flooftrot, Jackie moved toward him, bending for the leash dragging along the ground, calling, “Conway, Conway, here boy,” which the dog deliberately ignored. Just as she reached the leash, Conway darted away, mouth opened in a lolling-tongue grin, forcing Jackie to speed up and change course.”


Floofpiece (floofinition) – One who speaks for animals.

In use: “He began by feeding stray dogs and providing them shelter and fresh water. Soon, he’d moved on to to becoming a floofpiece, advocating chipping pets so they can be found again, heightening awareness about abandoning animals or leaving them in the cold, and creating social media posts to unite lost animals with their people.”


Floof-in (floofinition) – 1. Form of direct action employed by animals to keep people from doing things.

In use: “Max’s usual floof-in was to grab Mandy by the leg and howl and whimper when she started walking toward the door to leave, a tactic which often won a little more time for him while lathering the guilt over her.”

2. To relax by not doing anything but staying motionless with one or more pets.

In use: “During the pandemic, Dee started doing a floof-in more and more frequently, settling on the sofa with a couple books, a pot of tea, some cookies, and her dog and cat on either side.”


Floofdiced (floofinition) – State or attitude characterized by care and concern about animals and their well being.

In use: “Many people owned by pets become floofdiced, planning functions, trips, needs, and wants around their pet friends’ requirements.”


Floofdemonium (floofinition) – A wild uproar because of excitement or anger about, or caused by, an animal (or animals), including their treatment.

In use: “Floofdemonium exploded on social media as hunters displayed photos of their ‘big-game trophies’, beautiful animals senselessly killed by humans.”

Eminent Floofmain

Eminent Floofmain (floofinition) – The power of an animal to lay claim to another’s property, and assume the right to use it.

In use: “The office chair had been purchased for his work, but every time he stood, the cat jumped onto it, attempting to impose eminent floofmain.”

Santy Paws

Santy Paws, Santy Paws,

where are you?

What holiday mischief

will you put me through?

Are you climbing a tree

that you shouldn’t touch?

Or stalking ornaments

that you think are lunch?

Maybe you’re unwrapping presents

while I’m out.

Oh, Santy Paws, Santy Paws,

come out, come out!

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