dog humor – Page 19 – Michael Seidel, writer

Floofship (floofinition) – 1. A title of respect used to address an animal of regal manner or high standing.

In use: “Three cats shared the home with four days but only one cat was always addressed as ‘Your Floofship’ in recognition of her status within the floofhold.”

2. The state of affectionate companionship between animal and human, or between two or more animals.

In use: “Jennifer’s children had grown and begun their own families, and she’d been twice divorced, but now she found floofship with her dog, Uhtred, to be a most rewarding experience.”

3. A vessel or conveyance animals use to travel.

In use: “Every new moon, a floofship landed on Earth, delivering new animals to the planet, and taking others away for those ready to leave. So it had been since the first dinosaurs used a floofship to leave when they learned an asteroid was going to hit Earth over sixty-six million years ago.”

Dayfloof Savings Time (DST) (floofinition) A practice among animals to sleep during the day so they’ll have more energy to run around at night.

In use: “Although not all animals have adopted Dayfloof Savings Time, it’s very popular among cats, who find that it allows them to get many things done at night, when humans aren’t around to interfere.”

Flooftortion (floofinition) – The skill of bending and twisting one’s limbs body into strange and unnatural positions to accommodate actions or functions associated with an animal.

In use: “Once he opened a can, the floofs were right there, waiting to be fed, underfoot, forcing him into flooftortions to avoid stepping on them or tripping over them as their meal was delivered.”

Floofarm (floofinition) – Medical condition where an arm becomes stiff, sore, or numb because of the unwillingness to move it because of an animal. Related: Floorleg, flooffoot, floofbutt

In use: “Despite a serious case of floofarm setting in (and getting ravenous and having a bladder screaming for sweet release), Rikki refused to move because she didn’t want to disturb the puppy napping in her arms.”

Unemfloofed (floofinition) – A place absent of animals.

In use: “As humane treatment of and respect for animals and their rights rise, there are fewer unemfloofed homes around the world, a victory for both animals seeking safety and security, and people who enjoy animals’ company and beauty.” – from The Floof Street Journal, August 17, 2014, “What Do the New Unemfloofment Numbers Mean?”

Copyfloof (floofinition) – An animal who mimics others or who does everything that they do.

In use: “Many kittens and puppies become copyfloofs for a while as the learn how to be by duplicating Mom’s behavior.”

Flooftrarian (floofinition) – An animal who will do things counter to expectation.

In use: “Being a flooftrarian came naturally to Cassie. She socialized with other dogs, got along well with cats, had a backyard squirrel for a friend, made a friendship with a fawn, never tried to steal anyone’s food, and was polite and well-behaved with every person she met, including delivery people. Her people always referred to her as the most gentle and sweet creature they’d ever known. Everyone who met her agreed.”