Twosda’s Wandering Thoughts

I read several headlines this morning about a former NFL player.

Former NFL tight end Don Hasselbeck dies of a heart attack at age 70

Former Buff, NFL tight end Don Hasselbeck dies of a heart attack at age 70

Ex-Giants TE dies after going into cardiac arrest: ‘There is a 6’ 7” hole in our hearts’

Former Super Bowl winning tight end Don Hasselbeck dies at 70

Former NFL TE Don Hasselbeck, father of Matt, dies at age 70

Ex-NFL TE Don Hasselbeck, father of former QBs Matt and Tim, dies at 70

NFL Legend Don Hasselbeck Passes Away at 70 

Don Hasselbeck dies at age 70: Former NFL tight end won Super Bowl with Raiders

It fascinates me how many different ways the headlines for the same story is presented. Some call Don Hasselbeck a legend. A few mention his sons, or just one of his sons. All mention his age, and that he was in the NFL. Most mention he’s a tight end or TE. Several call out the different teams he played for. A couple note that a heart attack killed him.

I probably saw him play on television, but I didn’t remember his name, as it happens with many pro athletes, musicians, actors, writers, and leaders. Only a few catch and hold our attention.

I guess they all give what they can, though. I respect that.

Munda’s Wandering Thoughts

I’m just a Venn diagram. I’m at a point where massive disappointment in my nation fills me. I didn’t expect the GOP to fight Trump. It saddens me that I’m right. They just rolled over and became the Grand Ol’ Trump Party.

Pisses me off that the Trump Regime thumbs its nose at the law, treating elements like due process as something beneath them. Unfortunately, I predicted this when Trump was campaigning in 2024. So did many others. They laughed at us. But Trump said he would be a dictator on day one. We knew that wasn’t a joke.

Politically, I’m angry, disgusted, disappointed, and a whole dark rainbow of other negative energies about what’s going on from bullshit tariffs to the damaged economy to the ridiculous and unlawful gutting of the Federal government to — well, fill in the blank.

But it’s a sunny and warm spring day. Promise is in the air. I’m getting ready for beer with friends on Wednesday. They’re intelligent, good friends. I’m looking forward to seeing them. Preparing for a secular Easter brunch with friends on Sunday. That’ll have bittersweet toppings drizzled over it. Some of the regulars are gone. Others are in hospice.

Writing is fun and full of promise. That puts me in a very positive frame. A novel draft is finished, and so many other novels are lined up, eager to be written. But will that finished draft hold up in the next round of editing and revision? Then there’s the publishing game. That closes the damper on my enthusiasm.

Mom texts me and reminds me that she wants to be cremated. Do what we will with the ashes. Play Glenn Miller at her service. Hold it in the garden. She’s lived almost nine decades but she endures hourly pain and discomfort. Her quality of life can be categorized as miserable.

Down to one cat, my cativities are truncated from what they once were. An air of depression clouds that aspect of life.

Financially, my wife and I are okay. Viewing my health, I can be better or worse. Got all my limbs. They function well. I endure little regular pain on a daily basis. I’m not as strong nor limber as I used to be, and my hair is trekking away from my forehead. Memory still works for most of the time on most of the days.

My wife’s health is not as good. She searches for words more often and doesn’t find them. She’s developed a new habit of forgetting to turn things on or off. She’s bitter and angry with the world, especially with Trump, and the Roberts Court. She’s furious and anxious about women’s rights. Shoulder and back pain are building up their frequent flier miles with her.

So, I am here. In the middle of it all, happy and sad. Worried and hopeful. Bitter and angry. Joyful and loving. Loved and frustrated. I read of far worse situations for people. Like those in Gaza. Ukraine. Immigrants hunting a better existence for themselves and those they love. War and disaster refugees trying to find a home. People working hard and struggling harder. Sleeping in cars and hanging on for meals and help. Women and people of color hiding, living in fear, beaten and killed for who they are. People with a gender that doesn’t fall cleanly into male or female dismissed as less than equal, unaccepted by narrow-minded bigots. People starving to death as billionaires pile up more money and more property, self-pleasuring themselves with mindless greed.

We seem so far away from Star Trek‘s ideals and so much closer to Mad Max, Solyent Green, and The Handmaid’s Tale.

Life is one hell of a spectrum.

Munda’s Wandering Thoughts

One of the great things about the modern net is the ability to make friends. I have friendships with people I’ve never met. As I enjoy their social media posts and their blogs, I wonder what they’re really like. I’d like to be able to sit at a table with them and get to know them.

Conversely, I worry about them. Some are in Australia dealing with a cyclone. Are they okay? Some are in Ukraine, and I worry for their safety, sanity, and nation. Some of these friends are at risk for mental health or physical health. I worry about them if they’re absent from the net for a few days.

So, nice having friends around the world. I hope they’re all okay.

The Beginning

Daily writing prompt
You’re writing your autobiography. What’s your opening sentence?

It was the beginning of the end the moment I was born but before the end was finalized, I was required to travel and seek answers, although I don’t think I ever understood the question.

Thurzda’s Wandering Thoughts

I’m pivoting to pop culture and movies today. Cuz Gene Hackman. The death of Mr. Hackman and his wife, Ms Arakawa, makes me long for the details and explanations of what happened to them. The open door, the space heater, the pills, etc. Makes me want to write a novel to explain it but my explanation would go off the rails and Gene Hackman would probably end up as a retired secret agent who used acting as a cover.

I enjoyed his work, though. He made his characters seem real and nuanced. As I read different tributes about Gene Hackman, I encountered a decent story in The Hollywood Reporter that listed Gene Hackman’s ‘ten best scenes’. I don’t disagree with their list. I’m not an expert on films (though I sometimes pretend to be to impress others) but I did enjoy all these movies.

Here’s their list. You can check out their whole story. For me, Gene Hackman’s top three films were Unforgiven, The Conversation, and The French Connection, with The Royal Tennenbaums lucking just outside those three.

In no particular order, The Hollywood Reporter list:

The Birdcage

Unforgiven

The French Connection

Hoosiers

The Conversation

Crimson Tide

The Royal Tennenbaums

The Poseidon Adventure

Superman

Mississippi Burning

I’m thankful that technology will let me continue to enjoy his talents and skills after his departure. RIP, Mr. Hackman and Ms Arakawa.

Tucker (Pronounced Tuck-ah)

I was in the kitchen at midnight. A white flash crossed my vision’s edge.

I knew without doubt that Tucker had just bolted across the rainbow bridge. With some hot fluid boiling out of my eyes, I went in and made confirmation. Another era was over.

He went so quickly, it shocked us. He didn’t respond to any medication. All we could do is take a seat and console him and ourselves as best as we could.

Tucker was another in a long line of BFFs (Best Floof Friends). I’ve been grateful for them all and pleased that each chose to spend their time with me, sharing their secrets, insights, and love. I’m a wealthier person for them all.

And after I ached from my heart out through my chest and my face crumbled and the fluid burned my eyes more and blurred my vision, I squared up to go on. Because this is just part of the fucking roller coaster of life, up and fucking down, again and again. I hurt and will hurt for probably years because that’s just who I am. But I’ll continue moving forward, left foot, right foot, doing what I need to do.

Because all of my BFFs would always do the same. But man, I do still miss them all. Especially that last black and white handsome fellow that had to take his leave.

His name is Tucker. Pronounced Tuck-ah.

Thursda’s Theme Music

We’re rocking toward the month’s end. I suspect the political chaos unleashed on us is likely to last beyond this month… Hope it doesn’t to too much to our spirits and sanity.

Last night’s sky was super clear. Man, the stars out there were awe-inspiring. To wonder about the distance, the worlds, the science…all subjects capable of reminding me how small and temporary we are.

This is Thursda, January 30, 2025. Sunshine slathers us under a sky that doesn’t seem like it can be any bluer. Temperatures dropped to 25 F around my place last night. Now it’s 47 F. Yesterday’s high achieved 56 F and we think today will visit 57 F. Thing about it is, walking along in 56 F temperature yesterday, I found that winter still skulked in the shadows. Felt like the temperature dropped by ten degrees and acquired a moody chill when I went through shadow.

Bad news was received yesterday. Part of the reason that I was outside last night, considering the sky and reflecting on existence. One of our beer group’s members passed away. Now, with people going through health issues and aging, you’d properly think it was one of them. But no, it was one of the youngest and newest members, Pete. Just 63 years old, he’d only joined us two plus years ago. He immediately revealed himself to be charming and intelligent, with a good sense of humor. Plugged right into group. He didn’t show signs of ill health or problems…but appearances can deceive.

One of our other members has known Pete since their third grade year. That amazes me. That friend joined us again last night and told us more about Pete. One of the revealations was that Pete had survived Hodgin Lymphoma. Beat it with a combination of radiation therapy and drugs. While he beat that disease, it left him with a weakened system and no spleen. Pete contracted a blood infection. Within a day of falling sick, spinal menningitis killed him. He leaves behind a wife, children, grandchildren, brothers and sister, parents. He also leaves a lasting impression. He’s another person I will deeply miss.

On to the music, which arrived by way of dream. After reflecting on the dream after I awoke, I saw that the dream image of me was like I appeared in the mid-1990s. That makes sense; I ranged from my late 30s into my mid 40s during that time, and that’s the mental version of myself who I carry forward. It’s always a surprise to find that I am no longer that age. You’d think that I would learn by now.

Anyway, by-product from the dream was the song “Shine” by Collective Soul. It was one of several songs I caught snatches of during the dream. Or was it? As I strained my brain to recall details, I was moved to wonder, did I dream those song snatches, or was I now just filling the void with falsehoods? Honestly don’t know.

As I popped through that mystery, The Neurons dusted off the song and slotted it into my morning mental music stream. It’s another tune, as with yesterday’s theme music, which gave a sound track to my life as I navigated existence around the San Francisco-San Jose Bay Area Peninsula region. And it’s more of that quasi grunge solid rock guitar ladened sound which I like. Hope you enjoy it and it coaxes memories of your own out of your cells.

Coffee is dazzling me with its caffeine once again. I’m bracing for another day of political chaos. Hope worse news doesn’t darken our existence but in this era, it pays to stay prepared for such. Here’s the music. Have the best day you can. I’m planning to do the same. Cheers

Wezda’s Theme Music

Cold and bright, Ashlandia has reared up out of the darkness anew. It’s January 22, 2025, and now 36 F, ten degrees above the morning’s start. Fog, precipitation, and that sort of thing has abandoned the area, leaving sunshine a clear path. ‘They’ tell me our high will be 56 F today. And again, continuing a trend — three days! — this looks attainable.

I had a song loaded in the morning mental music stream. Then I read that John Sykes, guitarist associated with Whitesnake, died at 65. So The Neurons brought in “Still of the Night” in memory of Sykes. Ah, such music. Classic metal hair band. Rarely listened to it but was familiar with it due to being in clubs and radio rotation. Coverdale is the vocalist and I was a fan from his earlier efforts with other groups and songs.

Coffee has presented a peace offering. Be strong, and keep rocking. Here’s the music. Cheers

Three Pieces of Dream

A long and chaotic dream won the morning memory. There was another dream about having sex with a French woman in a desert after being accused of some crime, but it’s not a sharply recalled.

First I was with a group of friends, all males. We’d been out having a good time in the outdoors and were now filthy. Many of these people were real life familiars from across my stretch of existence and life stages. I was young and it was sunny. Many more groups of similiar people were out there on a large, dusty, gold-sun plain, like knots of bison congregating around a larger herd.

A sudden call to go get a beer put us in motion. We ran along, laughing and eager. We were going to have a beer! “Don’t worry, I have chits from last night,” I shouted, holding up discolored pieces of white paper. I reached a table and sat, still outside, but now on a plateau. My friends were coming but were behind. I pulled out the chits and discovered, they were chits; they were just torn pieces of paper. Some fluttered out of my hand and dropped into the mud as my friends arrived and I explained, “I don’t have chits after all.”

We all set out to go somewhere and were now downtown in what looked like a small city. Without preamble, I decided that I’d had enough and started in another direction. I was soon running in the streets alone but as I turned a corner, I saw ‘my crowd’ running in parallel in the other direction. They saw and recognized me and called out, but I’d kept going in the other direction, alone.

I arrived at my wife’s mother’s house. I knew that’s what it was even though it was nothing like any of her places in real life. My wife was there, along with my sister-in-law. She was sitting crossed-legged on the ground. As I see her in that scene after awakening, she looks as she did as a young pregnant woman in a photo taken of her when she lived in New Mexico. Giving no warning, she pulled her breast to feed an infant. I was a little surprised but then went, okay, she’s comfortable with it, and my wife, beside me, showed no reaction, so I should be okay, too.

I went off because I noticed my mother-in-law was busy digging. In real life, she passed away about six years ago. She was about the age she was when I first met her, mid-forties, in my dream. I spoke with her briefly but don’t remember what we said, and then wandered around the yard to see what she was doing. She’d dug a moat around her house. Then, I thought, she expanded an existing moat. It wasn’t large as moats go, about a yard wide, and didn’t seem deep. Water lilies floated in places. I discovered little tiles. Two inches square, I realized that she was going to ourline her moat with them.

The first one I turned over was scarlet. I put it in place on the moat to see what it looked like. Next, I found one that was yellow. I took out the red one and put the the yellow one in. It was a soft yellow, not as bright as a lemon. Next, I found a sage green tile. As I was going to put it in, I heard a man calling. A tall male stranger, dressed in a tie with a rust colored corduroy and tan pants and large, handlebar mustache was walking up, telling me how much he liked the yellow tile because it was a bold and striking color, and he approved my choice. I was just beginning to explain to him what was going on when another man in a charcoal business suit came up, urging me to go with the first color, the red, because it looked sharp against the water and grass. As these two began talking about the tiles, I turned over a third one, which was sage green. That was my preference, but I also thought that a pattern using all three colors could be made.

I went back to tell my MIL that, which is where the dream ended.

Thursday’s Theme Music

Mood: Sobersunnyreflectin’

Welcome to Thursday, Jan 9, 2025. We started out with the weather duplicating yesterday’s Ashlandia presentation. Sunshine lit up the bare trees, highlighting some frost, conveying a late fall scene. Walking through the house, I was thinking about how nice it was to experience early morning sunshine again. Temperature was 43 F, etc. But within an hour, fog was stealing the sun away from us and hiding out the blue sky. I thought, man, what kind of game is nature playing with us?

That thought triggered The Neurons. Within a few sips of java, The Neurons had Queen performing “Play the Game” in the morning mental music stream (Trademark late). Released in 1980, I remember listening to this song for the first time with two cousins in San Antonio. Both younger than me, both are deceased. One, a slender blonde guy, from a heart attack without warning at 43. The other, a slender dark-hair person who sparkled with wit and kindness, from cancer at 64. Sobering morning thoughts.

On the heels of those sobering thoughts were worries about the folks of southern California. Being in the Pacific Northwest, many who live in this town have California connections. Friends and family live down there. They work down there as musicians, nurses, doctors, teachers, and professors. So worry over the California fire scene is rampant up here.

The fog has lifted again up here. It still swirls around down in the lower elevations. It’s always interesting to go a mile into, traveling down a thousand feet in elevation to see how different the weather is.

I forgot to mention that I received the Christmas cards my parents had mailed me from San Antonio, Texas, and Pittsburgh, PA. The cards came in the Jan. 6 mail delivery. That DeJoy has really done wonders for the US Postal Service.

Coffee and I have struck a bargaining agreement. On my end, I’ll heat the water and put the ingredients together. On their part, the coffee will navigate my body and boost my energy. Here we go, on into 2025. Enjoy the music. Cheers

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑