Tag: confidence

There I Was Dream –

In the military again. Young. Off again on some special assignment.

First, I was trying to get there. Mom – the young woman of memory – gave a huge smile and a wave and told me, good luck, I’ll see you later. I was surprised and pleased that she was there to see me off.

A group of us were traveling together. We were each taking our own gear with us. Some of them had lost their gear.

I realized, they put it down in a marshy, muddy area, and their stuff sank. As they moaned and groaned, I told them, I know exactly where it sank, and showed them where to dig. They did and quickly recovered it.

We arrived where we were supposed to be. Outdoors, it was a strange setup: a large semi-circle of people seated at tables. Men and women. Seemed to be civilians, and older. It had been heavily raining and brooding clouds kept it dark.

Parallel and behind the semi-circle of people were our lockers where we were to stow our gear. We were being called out in units. I’d been fully prepared but now – damn it, I couldn’t find some of my gear. I also discovered, and then recalled, oh, yes, “I need to order a new phone.”

A little panicked, I was scrambling to get the right gear. Like, how the hell did that happen?

I noticed many others were in the same mode, alleviating some of my worries. I then managed to find the needed gear except –

Underwear. Where the hell was my underwear?

I knew I packed it but I couldn’t find it, and everything was getting muddy.

Dream end

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The Water Bottle Dream

Once again, I found myself younger and off at some gathering. Not huge, about one hundred people, I guess. It was some kind of bonding/teamwork thing. Don’t know who was hosting it.

I was part of management. I knew everyone there, at least casually, and some were direct co-workers or friends. Nobody was part of my real-life world.

We’d just finished eating and socializing. Clean up was underway. The undertaking was moving to a new location. Teams were going to be set up and tasks assigned.

As I was familiar with what was happening, I urge everyone to go on while I cleaned up and supervised that aspect. Finishing up, I found a bottle of plastic water. Drinking from it, I headed down to join the rest.

Everyone was scattered in a sort of ornate, fancy hotel lobby. I wandered through, eyeing the groups, listening to the chatter, drinking water from the bottle.

A woman at a podium accosted me from a podium that was up on a platform. She was young and dressed formally in a skirt but with a buttoned up blouse and jacket. I took her to be a concierge or some sort of hostess. Not knowing what she was saying, I went closer to her.

She said, “Wouldn’t you be better off drinking that water somewhere else?”

I didn’t respond. I realized that she thought that I didn’t belong there.

Feeling feisty and amused, I asked, “What did you say?”

Smirking, she leaned forward and looked down at me. First she repeated what she said before. Then she elaborated, “Maybe you have a home you can go to to drink your water.”

Grinning, I drank water and replied, “I like it here. Why shouldn’t I drink it here.”

Lowering her volume, she explained, “You don’t seem to appear like you belong here.”

“Really? Where do I belong?”

Our conversation had captured my friends and co-workers’ attention. Some came over and asked, “Michael, what’s going on here?”

I smiled, almost laughing, as I saw the concierge realize that I was part of that group.

Dream end.

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The Writing Moment

One of my recurring interests is NFL football. I appreciate the athleticism and intelligence required, along with the strategy and tactics. Many games are played out in every down.

I found an article on ESPN today about advice rookies provide to the next generation of players joining the NFL ranks. As I read the advice and suggestions, many struck as something that writers — and people in other endeavors — can use to help themselves as they try to advance.

These resonated with me the most.

Never lose your confidence

‘Comparison is the thief of joy’

Take everything one day at a time

Stay patient

‘Listen to the vets’

‘Take care of your body’

I hope you can take the time to read the article. Maybe you’ll find some which help you keep moving forward.

Cheers

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A Work Dream

Despite not working for anyone since 2016, I had another work-related dream last night. This wasn’t from my last employment with IBM but was with one of the medical startups from earlier, shortly after retiring from the U.S. Air Force.

We were in a large, clean, bright room. The company’s engineering section, thirteen people, including their director, were at tables shoved together across the room. I, the lone marketing person, sat on the room’s other side, alone.

Wanting to be involved, I moved over there and asked for permission to sit in on their meeting. They were developing the product I would market, after all, and I was part of the team that collected input on the product’s design. The director and others said, “Sure,” so I sat at the edge, so I wouldn’t be intrusive.

Note that all of these people were known co-workers from real life from two different medical device startups.

Not feeling included, I left after a short period, returning to my space. But I had nothing to do; no assignments, no emails, no phone calls.

With no warning, children suddenly swarmed our workspace. I don’t know why they were there. Crossing back to the engineers, I discovered that they were gone, then spotted them leaving the building.

I followed them out. They were going up a dirt path into the mountains, past large boulders and pine trees. One said, “Look, there’s a huge bald eagle up there.” He pointed.

I nodded; I’d heard about the bird earlier and had seen it. I didn’t know what the engineers were doing. Seemed like it could’ve been some team-building exercise, so I left again.

Heading back down to our office, I realized that my boss was in Paris for a trade show. I’d not heard anything from her, which was unusual. Then I realized that she hadn’t included me in any of the show prep.

Deciding that I didn’t really have a job, I thought that I should probably look for new employment and began compiling a resignation letter in my mind as I walked.

Dream end.

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The Writing Moments

I told myself again yesterday, get out of the way and write. Write, I did. And when I reviewed what I wrote, I laughed to myself and whispered, “This is fucking crazy.”

By far the craziest of what I’ve ever written, I sat down with a specific purpose and some simple ideas about where I was going. Well, The Writing Neurons quickly queued up, redecorating, rearranging, reordering, taking me into completely foreign waters. “But how will this match up with what I had planned and previously wrote?” I complained.

Well, after the cat barked me awake at 5:58 AM today, The Writing Neurons pounced on my poor brain. They began weaving story webs like caffeine-fueled spiders in a web-building competition. I laughed at a lot of the shit they conjured. Then, when I put eyes to screen and hands to keys, I hustled to duplicate The Writing Neurons’ input.

It’s a wild frigging ride so far and I’m nervous about where I’m going. But you know, write on.

That’s what it’s all about.

***

So…I finished a novel last month. Felt damn good about it. Began firing up the querying mechanism.

Meanwhile, I handed it off to friends for feedback. But, without telling them, I capped it at part 1. I figured, if they finish part 1, I’ll give them parts 2 and 3. I did this knowing that the manner the novel unfolds will be confusing by the end of part 1. You need part 2 to see where it’s going, and part 3 for full illumination. But I still thought it would be a fast read for them. Instead, I’m hearing that they had to reread parts; they were creating notes. They want to sit down and talk about what’s what. All of that’s pushing my hopes and confidence toward the writer’s abyss of despair. I just need to hang on. Wait for their feedback. See where it goes.

That, too, is part of the writing process.

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Dream Repeat: A Running Dream

My dream seasons amuse me. There was a period of episodic adventure dreams that didn’t seem to have me as a character. There are dystopian dreams where I’m part of a cadre of survivors. Military dreams are common in which I arrive at a new assignment and something goes wrong. Then there’s the running dream.

The running dream was had again last night. In them, as in others, I’m running. Yes, that is why it’s called a running dream. This running was being done on a timed closed course full of hills and curves, really like a sports-car or Formula 1 circuit. No purpose was given. All I know is that I arrived to run. My sisters are present to cheer me on. Stripping down to the basics of shoes, trunks, and shirt, I take off on a timed practice run.

I finish and my time is announced. People are astonished by my speed.

But I’m not pleased. I think, I can do better. So I set out again, again, and again. My time improves every time. I’m getting faster and faster. Moreover, I’m noting where I’m slow. Certain curves and hills slow me down. I systematically develop ways to overcome those issues.

Fans are now lining the start/finish line and most of the track. They cheer me on, along with my sisters. My sisters also brag about me. I hear them telling others, “I knew he’d be fast.” Other contestants are dropping out because they don’t think they can beat me. I’m try to encourage them to remain in the race, telling them, it’ll be a good learning experience, and I might not win. They might find more speed in themselves; I might hurt myself. I could fall and fail to finish the race.

But on race day, I’m alone as the sole competitor.

Dream end.

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A Simple One

Daily writing prompt
What advice would you give to your teenage self?
View all responses

This is a simple prompt to address. It’s simple for me because I’ve thought about it before. I long ago read about, “The unexamined life is not worth living.” So I’ve examined. Looked at what I did wrong. Catalogued my failures and successes. Looked at where and how they could be improved.

Five basic tenets emerged.

  1. Have more confidence.
  2. Pursue more education.
  3. Party less.
  4. Be kinder and more helpful to others.
  5. Have the courage to chase your dreams.

I imagine many people have similar insights into themselves. Fortunately, at 68 years old, I can still pursue these changes for myself. Especially the ‘party less’ aspect. I mean, do you know how much energy it takes to party? I don’t have it at my age.

I’d rather be reading a book.

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