Tag: chaos

A Chaotic Mom Dream

Not surprising, given my conflicting attitudes about Mom, a chaotic dream had her front and center. My family was also there; not just my real life extended family. My dream added a few extras.

We were at some huge get together. This was at Mom’s place. It was a place I’ve never seen in real life. Ramshackled, part park and house, the boundaries between inside and out were nebulous and ever-changing. So were the rooms. I kept getting a little lost but then recovering and figuring out where I was.

Meanwhile, my relatives were a chaotic bunch. A person who dislikes chaos as much as cats dislike loud noises, I took charge and imposed order, telling each what they should do. I couched it in a way that it sounded like advice. Agreeing to my suggestions, they packed food, piled into cars, and left.

Ah, the silence was comfortable. Then Mom hurried in. Loose piles of money had been on one table. I remembered seeing it, I agreed. It was all gone, Mom said, frantic. She thought someone broke in and stole it.

I challenged that. She didn’t see anyone break in. No evidence of a break in was there. It was possible that the family took the money. Wasn’t that why the money was there? Mom bickered with me about it a bit, changing the history and the reason the money was there. I grew weary of it as I realized that nothing I said or did would appease her. Suggesting she call the other family members and talk to them, I wandered off.

Then came the dream’s climax. I sat down and picked at my little toe’s toe nail. This would be toe number five. The small toe. I picked at the nail; it felt like the nail was loose. Like something was under it. Unable to help myself, I conducted some prying with a finger nail.

My little toe’s top lifted off. Like the top quarter inch.

It was a bloodless event. Beneath it was another small toe nail. My toe was intact, just stubbier. To cap matters off, I did the same thing with the other toe.

Then I tossed the two toe tips aside, amusing myself with how Mom would react when she saw them, chuckling to myself about what my wife would say about my new truncated toes. I was dubious she would notice.

Dream end.

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Thursda’s Wandering Political Thoughts

We have such classic Trump in action: confusion, lies, misdirection, and trying to blame others. In this case, his administration rolled out an illegal spending freeze. His administration wants to vet the programs the money is supporting to ensure it aligns with his ideology.

Not how it works. He and his administration know this. But in classic vengeful, sulking child fashion, play his way or he takes his ball and goes home and no one plays.

Execution, as it always is with a Trump endeavor, was sloppy and poorly vetted. It lacked details and was so broad, it froze money to hundreds of systems, programs, projects, and communities. All across the nation, the response by civic leaders in towns, states, churches, schools, and offices was, “What’s going on?”

The press reported this. This made Trump sad. Angry. From a NYT story:

During a bill signing at the White House on Wednesday, Mr. Trump cast blame on the media for the confusion. “We are merely looking at parts of the big bureaucracy where there has been tremendous waste and fraud and abuse,” he said.

Once again, Trump proposed that you trust him over your lyin’ eyes. Even if his goal was to look at “parts of the big bureaucracy where there has been tremendous waste and fraud and abuse,” that’s not how it’s done. Laws are not ignored. The will of the people are not ignored. Nor is the voice and role of Congress.

Likewise, Trump’s reaction to the air collision between an Army helicopter and a commercial airliner is blamed on others. Trump’s kneejerk reaction was that it was DEI. What? He couldn’t specify how, only that it’s ‘common sense’. Yeah, WTF are you smoking now?

Next, Trump tried blaming his predecessor, President Joe Biden. Never did he admit or accept that his chaotic actions could have contributed to the tragic accident. The fact that he fired 100 FAA officials in the last 11 days? No, surely that had no impact. Nor did the ‘resign’ offer he sent the air traffic controllers. Of course not, right? Just a week before, on January 22, 2025, Trump issued a fact sheet that flat-out lied.

Almost unbelievably, as a diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI) initiative, the Biden FAA specifically recruited and hired individuals with “severe intellectual” disabilities, psychiatric issues, and complete paralysis over other individuals who sought to work for the FAA.

Common sense will tell you that such a ‘fact sheet’ probably did wonders for morale at the FAA.

But that’s Trump, lying, lawless, and reckless, self-identifying as a genuis when he’s just a bulllying cheat and con man who never accepts responsibility when things go wrong. Never has, never will.

He proves this every day, in every way.

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Thursda’s Theme Music

We’re rocking toward the month’s end. I suspect the political chaos unleashed on us is likely to last beyond this month… Hope it doesn’t to too much to our spirits and sanity.

Last night’s sky was super clear. Man, the stars out there were awe-inspiring. To wonder about the distance, the worlds, the science…all subjects capable of reminding me how small and temporary we are.

This is Thursda, January 30, 2025. Sunshine slathers us under a sky that doesn’t seem like it can be any bluer. Temperatures dropped to 25 F around my place last night. Now it’s 47 F. Yesterday’s high achieved 56 F and we think today will visit 57 F. Thing about it is, walking along in 56 F temperature yesterday, I found that winter still skulked in the shadows. Felt like the temperature dropped by ten degrees and acquired a moody chill when I went through shadow.

Bad news was received yesterday. Part of the reason that I was outside last night, considering the sky and reflecting on existence. One of our beer group’s members passed away. Now, with people going through health issues and aging, you’d properly think it was one of them. But no, it was one of the youngest and newest members, Pete. Just 63 years old, he’d only joined us two plus years ago. He immediately revealed himself to be charming and intelligent, with a good sense of humor. Plugged right into group. He didn’t show signs of ill health or problems…but appearances can deceive.

One of our other members has known Pete since their third grade year. That amazes me. That friend joined us again last night and told us more about Pete. One of the revealations was that Pete had survived Hodgin Lymphoma. Beat it with a combination of radiation therapy and drugs. While he beat that disease, it left him with a weakened system and no spleen. Pete contracted a blood infection. Within a day of falling sick, spinal menningitis killed him. He leaves behind a wife, children, grandchildren, brothers and sister, parents. He also leaves a lasting impression. He’s another person I will deeply miss.

On to the music, which arrived by way of dream. After reflecting on the dream after I awoke, I saw that the dream image of me was like I appeared in the mid-1990s. That makes sense; I ranged from my late 30s into my mid 40s during that time, and that’s the mental version of myself who I carry forward. It’s always a surprise to find that I am no longer that age. You’d think that I would learn by now.

Anyway, by-product from the dream was the song “Shine” by Collective Soul. It was one of several songs I caught snatches of during the dream. Or was it? As I strained my brain to recall details, I was moved to wonder, did I dream those song snatches, or was I now just filling the void with falsehoods? Honestly don’t know.

As I popped through that mystery, The Neurons dusted off the song and slotted it into my morning mental music stream. It’s another tune, as with yesterday’s theme music, which gave a sound track to my life as I navigated existence around the San Francisco-San Jose Bay Area Peninsula region. And it’s more of that quasi grunge solid rock guitar ladened sound which I like. Hope you enjoy it and it coaxes memories of your own out of your cells.

Coffee is dazzling me with its caffeine once again. I’m bracing for another day of political chaos. Hope worse news doesn’t darken our existence but in this era, it pays to stay prepared for such. Here’s the music. Have the best day you can. I’m planning to do the same. Cheers

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A Chaotic Dream

It began with me as a young man. I came into a situation where the atmosphere buzzed with chaos. We were outside. People were everywhere. It seemed like they were all carrying something and were on the run. I looked for signs about where to go: none. I tried talking to people, but all were rushing around like a children on a playground sugar high.

After some bit of this, I managed to see a door and went through it. In there was the information I sought about my role. I was given a tall stack of thick folders. Most were manila folders, but some were red, green, and blue. I started shuffling through them, flipping through pages, assimilating information.

I was to be given a presentation to prepare so that a decision could be made about something, but there was confusion about who was receiving the information and what outcome was desired. I was smiling as I went through the info. I was familiar with all of it. Within a short time, I’d tossed all the folders except two aside. One was a plain manila folder; the other was red with a red and white cover on it, with large block letters in red: 5774.

The 5774 information wasn’t needed for the moment, I decided. That would be used later. First, clean up the presentation. Make it. Get the decision. Then, after that, do the 5774 stuff.

Okay. With that clarified for myself, I pursued that course. A decision was made.

Around me was instantly calmer and more relaxed. People quit rushing. They smiled at one another and started talking.

Okay, good. I went to a car for a rest. Others were heading to a large celebration. I planned to join them but first needed rest.

Others came by to follow up on the decision. I was groggy with sleep and tried explaining to them that the information they wanted was in the 5774 folder. Just find it, and the messages and information inside that, and they’d be fine.

They went off. A young woman in a green 1950s era Chevy pickup truck picked me up and took me to the celebration. The grounds were rutted with mud, but it was like a huge carnival. After I was given some food, I discovered that I was entered in a competition there. Contestants were taken to a center stage. Questions were put up on a screen for them to answer. They were given ten questions. Whoever was most correct most often won.

I watched the other contestants as they were asked questions and failed and was immediately eager for my turn. I knew I was going to ace this thing because the questions were all from the 5774 folder. I knew it intimately.

My turn finally came. Well, in theory. An equipment malfunction put a halt to the proceedings. The dream ended with me in the green pickup, grinning, eager for my turn, certain that I was going to win.

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A Chaos Dream

The dream began with great vibes. Returning home, I was being feted as a hero. I’d just slayed a monster, apparently about the fortieth time that I’d done so. Appreciation for me, and my fame, were growing.

First, there was a question of what to eat. A pot roast was being offered; “What would you like with it, Michael?” an elderly woman asked.

“Well, I like those little potatoes browned with them, along with pearl onions and carrots,” I told her. “That was how Mom made it, how I made it, and how my wife made it.” The word was passed, this is what he wants, this is what he likes.

An invitation came to join a military organization. “You’re a hero,” a woman recruiter told me. “We need heroes. You’re a leader. We need leaders.” My, I was flattered. Yes, I agreed, with little hesitation.

Other recruiters and their recruits arrived. I met recruits brought in by my recruiter. I made friends with one man. He was big as an NFL quarter back, and muscular, but very friendly and easy-going.

More recruiters and recruits arrived. Six groups were formed. After dressing in military green uniforms, we filed into a temporary trailer being used as an office space. There were way too many people in the trailer within short order. They were going to do the swearing-in ceremony here. Alright, I thought, let’s get this done. But then, they started trying to do it simultaneously in different corners, with everyone trying to speak above everyone else. The recruiters had also made name plates. They revealed that they’d ‘manufactured’ them by removing door and desk plates and writing on the back of those. The recruiters that this was funny in a sad, pathetic way.

Growing irritated, I was having second thoughts about joining. Who would want to join such chaos? Not me. But I also thought I could take charge and create order out of the chaos. So, I began making suggestions to improve. Why don’t the six groups do their ceremony one at a time? Give each group a number. Do it sequentially.

The recruiters close to me liked that idea, but it had to be communicated with the other recruiters across the room. I told them, “Just tell everyone to be quiet. Use your command voice.”

As that was agreed, a recruiter shouted for quiet. My big friend walked off, head and shoulders above the room. My recruiter came to me and asked if I was friends with him. Yes, I answered. “Did he use to be a football player?” she asked. Yes, I affirmed, he was.

She nodded. The dream ended.

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The Luggage & Shoes Dream

First, the dream was in two parts. I dreamed part one, awoke, returned to sleep and had part two.

Second, it again involved military. I understand more about myself, though, like I’m terrible at socializing. The military with its rank and structure gave me a niche where I was comfortable.

In both dream parts, I was in civilian clothes and traveling alone (which I often did in the mil and civilian life, because of my specialized roles).

Part one had me arriving at a hectic place lousy with Army personnel. They were arriving and staging. All of them were in uniform. Many had down time and were waiting to move on. It was all out doors, and it was a mess.

For my part, I’d arrived, found a place for my two bags, left them, and headed off to find food. Then I’d figure out where I was to next go.

Well, after eating (which happened off-dream, apparently), I went to use a can. All the cans were out of order, which pissed me off (no pun intended). I wandered for a while in search of working facilities. I did find and use a shower, and then eventually discovered a working but filthy latrine.

I’d wandered a long way and had lost orientation, with no idea where I’d left my bags. I began that search. After a bit, I went up on a hill.

A person who used to work with me waved to me from up there. She came down to chat. She was traveling on a separate mission. I told her that I’d lost my bags and had to go look for them. Bored, with time to kill, she volunteered to come and help.

We went down the hill to a sort of ad hoc intersection. While there, she spotted a piece of paper fluttering on the ground. It looked like a set of orders. Picking it up, she read my name off it. She realized that it said something about what’d happened with my bags. With her leading, we went to see a man. She gave him the paper, and he (complaining as he did) gave me one of my bags. I was thankful, but she had to go. That was okay, though, because suddenly I completely knew where I was and went right to my second bag.

Awakening at that point, I thought about it all. The dream setting’s chaos and messiness bothered me, as did the fact that I couldn’t remember and find my bags on my own. I went back to sleep.

I was back in the same place, but order had been established. With chairs set up, all the troops were sitting in order. I had my bags, and the toilets were working. I also had food. We’d been provided with box lunches on the long flight over. I’d not eaten mine, so I had two big sandwiches along with other things to eat in a clear plastic bag that I was carrying.

On arriving, my feet hurt, so I removed my shoes and set the to one side. I had a rental car so I was basically going to eat and use the facilities and then hit the road. As I walked around, though, I worried about my hair not being in reg (I was notorious for that back in the day). I found the barbershop but it was busy. A commander and his staff passed by me. After deciding that I couldn’t do anything about my hair, I decided to eat and leave.

First, I wanted my shoes. I knew where I’d left them but they weren’t there. Irritated, I started searching for them. I spotted them in the middle of a wide, beaten dirt road. As I went to get them, an army PFC (female) was crossing the road and kicked one of my shoes. I yelled at her for that; she gave me a dirty look. I then got my shoes (loafers, as I was still in civies), put them on, and went to a table, where I sat down to eat.

End dream.

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