FOLS
FOLS (floofinition) – Internet slang for ‘Floof on lap syndrome’, when having an animal on one’s lap prevents or discourages people from doing other activities.
In use: “His phone rang, but it was across the room, and he was FOLS, with his new puppy sacked out on his lap, so he just let it go to voice mail.”
Monday’s Wandering Thought
At 11:45 PM, the cats demand they be let out of the house. The light is turned on and the landscape is scanned for threats. Deer are okay but they’re not out there. No bears, cougars, other cats, foxes, raccoons, or skunks are seen, but a lone opossum wanders along the back patio. Sorry, kitties, we’re going to keep you in a bit and give the opossum time to move on.
Saturday’s Theme Music
We have liftoff. Saturday, June 18, 2022, is climbing through time, leaving its contrails behind for us to study.
Cloudy is today’s word. Chilly is related, with us staring at 52 F at the moment, hoping for something in the sixties. Hoping is a strong sentiment; my wife, cats, and I are all comfortable with the low fifties and some dabble of sunshine. Rain potential hangs above us with the clouds asking, “Will I? Will I?” Such capricious characters. Sunrise drew the curtains open on the daylight hours at 5:34 AM and the obverse is at 8:50 PM. Our weather is better than places like Spain, where they’re baking in 40 degrees C, which, using the formula learned in school eons ago, translates to 104 F. Ouch, yeah?
Cats and neurons conspired behind my back to plunk a Bruno Mars song into the morning mental music stream. I’d stirred from dreams this morning. Ready and waiting, Tucker pounced on my hand, tapping it for some loving. I began scratching him as directed. He reciprocated with motor-boat purrs. I asked in sotto voce, “You like how that makes you feel?” Just like that, the neurons delivered a ten-year-old song, “Locked Out of Heaven”. It bothered me a little as I song it to myself after feeding the cats and preparing my breakfast, because Bruno sings, “‘Cause your sex takes me to paradise, yeah, you sex takes me to paradise.” I told the neurons, you guys are a little bizarre, you know?
Stay positive, test negative, mask up as needed, space out as required, and, you know. Here’s the music. I hear a cup of coffee singing the song of my people. Cheers
Flooffective
Flooffective (floofinition) – Arising from or relating to animals and their influence on emotions or feelings.
In use: “His cats and dogs were his constant companions when he was home, underfoot while cooking and cleaning, assisting him on the laptop, watching television and reading with him, installing a floofective pattern to his planning.”
Floofshare
Floofshare (floofinition) – 1. A plan to give space, food, or objects to an animal.
In use: “Whenever he eats a sandwich with lunchmeat at home, the floofshare is incorporated into the planning so that he’s ready when the cat trots over and begins singing for his portion.”
2. An animal who lives with others or frequently visits others.
In use: “Several successful floofshare programs involve animal shelters who take cats and dogs to nursing homes. All appreciate the additional interactions and gain a break from their routines.”
Floof Web
Floof Web (floofinition) – Overlay network that uses special software and access codes known only to animals. The floof web is part of the uniweb, a universal web which connects planets and dimensions to one another, providing animals with powers that seem unique or magical to humans, but is advanced quantum computing that accesses the quantum verse.
In use: “Using the floof web, the household pets discovered that a huge earthquake was going to strike. The animals did their best to warn the humans, but humans are simple creatures, with limited intelligence and communication skills, frustrating the animals’ efforts.”
Floofbrag
Floofbrag (floofinition) – Recount or comment about animals in a boastful manner.
In use: “He was a quiet man until someone mentioned dogs, and then he became a floofbrag as he shared stories about his home pack’s antics and history.”
Saturday’s Theme Music
And so, all of us came to Saturday, June 11, almost the month’s middle, almost 2022’s middle. We’re bracing for the year’s longest day in the northern hemisphere while south of the equator, they’re prepping for the shortest day.
Spring weather continues its reign with temperatures at 72 F today, showers sometimes sprinkling us for a few seconds, and a high of 76 possible. 5:34 AM is when the show’s daylight portion began. The turning away comes at 8:47 PM.
Yesterday was a COVID-19 booster shot rollercoaster. Walking was often a Frankenstein’s monster imitation. Joints felt like they’d been carved from the finest granite and thoughts were doing a slow doggy paddle through confusion. Then, all is good! Hurray! It’s passed. No, wait, here it comes again. We surfed the net, returned to bed, read books, slept, repeat. Today, I feel pretty damn fine. She says she’s feeling better, too.
Today’s song, a 1993 offering from Billy Joel, arrived in the middle of the night. I’d gotten up to attend a cat’s need to leave the house. (“It’s urgent! I have important business,” he claimed. After he left, I heard him snicker. “Sucker.”) Returning to bed, I was thinking, it’s the middle of the night. I’ve almost been walking in my sleep. The neurons shouted, “A-one, and a-two.” Then they began “The River of Dreams”. Lovely song, so I wasn’t overly bothered.
So, you know, stay positive, etc. We shall overcome. Or endure. Here’s the music, and, yes, there’s my coffee. Cheers
Floof Lunge
Floof Lunge (floofinition) 1. An animal’s sudden forward thrust to attack someone or seize something.
In use: “Jack Ryan was the household’s smallest canine, but the Dachshund was a floof lunge master when it came to treats, often gobbling up several of the other animals’ offerings before they even realized it was there!”
2. A person’s sudden attempt to grab an animal.
In use: “They were attempting to capture the cat now called Comet but she was adept at reading animals and always evaded their floof lunges.”
Michael Seidel, writer 