Science fiction, fantasy, mystery and what-not
Barrafloofa (floofinition) – Animal known for its fearsome appearance and ferocious behaviour.
In use: “Normally friendly as a happy puppy, raised voices always summoned Herc’s inner barrafloofa. The family quickly learned not to do that, or argue, around the big dog, because Herc the barrafloofa wasn’t going to tolerate it.”
Geoflooftry (floofinition) – Branch of floofmatics that deals with the measurement, properties, and relationships of points, lines, angles, surfaces, and solids.
In use: “Most animals (but especially housepets) have a poor sense of geoflooftry, believing that they can fit, wedge, or shape themselves into any space, even if its one tenth of their size.”
Solipfloofsism (floofinition) – A theory holding that an animal can know nothing but its own modifications and that it is the only existent creature.
In use: “It was a constant war with the cat to keep it off of the kitchen counters, but the feline’s solipfloofsism didn’t allow her to accept that others could control her. It wasn’t possible.”
Beatflooftudes (floofinition) – The blessings of sharing a life with animals.
In use: “Blessed are those share their homes with cats, dogs, birds, fish, and other creatures, for their spirits are nourished with love.”
Floof Generis (floofinition) – The impression that people think their pet is unique, usually due to its coloring, personality, or an unusual physical attribute.
In use: “She thought Dolphin (who loves the water) was floof generis but after posting his photos and descriptions on the Internet, she discovered others’ pets behaved the same way or resembled him. Dismissing the evidence, she remained convinced that he was floof generis; none were like him but you had to live with him to learn that.”
I believe it was a dream. But —
I often enjoy oatmeal for breakfast. Berries, fruit, and nuts are frequently added for taste and nutrition.
A large bag of walnut pieces is kept in the refrigerator (so they won’t go rancid). As I pulled them out, I flashed on the bag falling open. Walnut pieces poured out.
Standing there, I didn’t recall anything like that happening to me, and thought that it was a dream. It seemed so startling real that I looked around to see if any walnuts were in the refrigerator or on the floor.
I remembered then that I’d been talking to someone as I was doing this. Music had been playing in the background. I was aware of the music and recognized it but I don’t know what it was now.
So many walnuts poured out of the back, it seemed like half of the bag had emptied. Yet, when I closed the bag, I was surprised to discover it was still almost full. But the refrigerator drawer had enough walnuts in it to fill another bag.
Whoever was with me hadn’t noticed anything going on, so I said, “Look at this. Look at all these walnuts.”
They asked, “Where’d they come from?”
Holding up the bag, I said, “From this bag. But the bag is still almost full.”
The other came over and looked. “Yeah, that’s something.”
End of dream (or memory).
I am about ninety percent certain that it was a dream. Thinking about it as I finished making my oatmeal, I chuckled to myself. Was I telling myself that I was nuttier than I realized?
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After I typed this out, I saw a photo of a squirrel on the net. The photo triggered a fuller memory. The walnut incident was a dream last night.
After the walnuts had spilled out, etc., the dream continued. I’d gone outside. Two cats were present. One was ours and the other belonged to a neighbor. (Neither are cats that I know/recognize from life.)
My wife and I were trying to keep ourselves safe, along with the cats. To that end, the cats were kept in a large and hilly fenced yard with many trees, but the cats kept getting out. I kept asking, “How are these cats getting out?” Watching them, I’d discover a secret path or a hole in the fence and block it only to see them out there again, and discover that another secret way existed.
The neighbor’s cat then came in through a secret tunnel with a squirrel in their mouth. The squirrel was alive. I then noticed the yard had many squirrels. I concluded that the cat was going out, finding squirrels, capturing them, and bringing them in. As I realized this, I saw her coming in through another underground tunnel, carrying another squirrel in her mouth.
I told my wife what I was seeing. Then, remembering the walnuts, I rushed inside, got the bag of walnuts, and brought them out to feed the squirrels.
Dream ended.
Floofhalla (floofinition) – The great hall where pets are honored and cared for after they’ve crossed the rainbow bridge.
In use: “Ozzy and Flash sat close to one another in Floofhalla (not too close, as Flash had this thing about other animals being in her presence, and she still carried that trait beyond the rainbow bridge), watching over their people and remembering their times with them before, and planning the times they’d have again.”
Edfloofcate (floofinition) – 1. The process of delivering knowledge, particularly about rules, to animals.
In use: “You’re a new cat, so let me edfloofcate you to the house rules,” he said. “Number one, it’s my house and my rules.”
2. The process of training humans to understand that animals make their own rules.
In use: “Sitting down, the cat regarded the man with bemused eyes. Time to edfloofcate him about the truth about his house and his rules.”
Unfloofditional (floofinition) – Not limited to a specific breed of animal or individual animal.
In use: “They called it a dog bed, but the goats sleeping on it demonstrated that it was an unfloofditional label.”
Floofware (floofinition) – Major items of equipment or components intended for use by animals.
In use: “Although laptops and keyboards are not floofware, many pets like to believe otherwise.”
Michael Seidel, writer 