Science fiction, fantasy, mystery and what-not
Infloofmation (floofinition) – Facts provided or learned about animals.
In use: “Living with an animal provided people with infloofmation, but didn’t necessarily make them animal experts. They often learned wide gulfs of differences usually existed between animals, even when they were of the same species.”
— National Floofographic Magazine, Floofuary 32, 2009.
Locked away, he had time to do things that he’d always intended to do. First would be to learn to communicate with the cat.
Yeah, he wasn’t crazy (so he told himself, trying to sound convinced). He thought he and the cat had a special connection. The little feline (it was little then, in the beginning, not so little now, relatively for a house cat – twenty-three pounds) marched up to him on the street and meowed like Whitney Houston singing “I will always love yooouuu,” bestowing the cat his name, Houston (because it was a male). It was like true fidelity from then on.
Houston was everywhere with him, monitoring his bathroom, trying to steal food (the lovable little thief) with his big white mitts, bolting across rooms and up walls (swear to God!). Now, aged three, Houston had settled into being a more dignified feline. Cagney (his name, distant relative to James, the actor) (he always used his last name, disliking his first name, the unobtrusive, forgettable “Jack”) thought that if Houston could talk, he would sound pretty close to James Earl Jones. From there (and the looks that the cat gave him), he’d decided that he and the cat could communicate, like, telepathically.
Engaging in an effort every day since he’d been self-isolated — this was day eight — he sat the cat in front of him and sat down. “Houston. Look at me. Look into my eyes.”
Although he appeared sleepy (it was time for his pre-nap nap), Houston did as told.
“I’m going to speak words to you. I want you to think them back to me. Do you understand?”
Cagney listened for a response. Yawning, Houston seemed to try to wake up to participate.
“I know you understand me. I know how smart you are.”
Thank you.
Cagney blinked. “What? Do you — ” Had he heard that? “Did you say, thank you.”
I did. You heard me.
“Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God.” Cagney stood up and spun around. He’d only half thought of what would happen next. Like how was he going to prove it? How was he going to prove it?
He stared down at Houston. Houston watched him with interest. “So you hear me, right, Houston?”
Yes, I do, Cagney.
“Okay, okay, I need more than that. Nod your head, nod your head if you understand me.”
Houston nodded his head.
Cagney jumped up and down laughing. “Holy shit. Holy she-it. I did it! We did it. I got to — where’s my phone? Where’s my cell? I gotta video this. Where’s my cell? Where’s my cell?”
Blue eyes bulging, Cagney scanned the room and skittered off. “Must’ve left it in the bedroom. Don’t move, Houston, stay right there, I’m coming right back.” He was out of the room and accelerating, sliding on the floor, and shouting over his shoulder.
Ears forward, Houston watched Cagney disappeared. He’d done it. He’d managed to lower the human’s defenses. Next step would be to take control over Cagney’s mind.
With his defenses down, it’d be as easy as catching a bird.
Floofstream (floofinition) – 1. The ideas, behavior, or attitudes that are regarded as normal or conventional for animals.
In use: “Floofstream beliefs (or was it baseless myth?) claimed the dogs and cats should be at one another, but her dogs and cats turned that belief on its head with their partnerships. Several of the cats even seemed to like the dogs better than other cars. No doubt, they seemed to like the dogs better than her, too, except when it was time to eat.”
2. The dominant trend in animal society.
In use: “As the idea that humans could be trusted, and even exploited to their advantage became more floofstream, animals began searching for new ways to improve animal-human relationships and build their partnership.”
R.F.M. (floofinition) – Early alternative floof-rock (flock) band formed in Athens, Georgia in 1980.
In use: “Best known for floofstream songs like, “Losing my Digestion,” alt-flock band R.F.M.’s hit, “Floof on the Moon” was a tribute to comedian Andy Floofman.”
When things are dark and all’s asleep,
he seeks the comfort of my feet.
When the day is warm and the insects drone,
he likes to lie beside my toes.
When I sit down to read or eat,
there he is again, settling on my feet.
Floofple (floofinition) – 1. Modern minted phrase for people who love and support animals and their rights.
In use: “Many floofple embrace an animals’ bill of rights, aimed at reducing animal abuse while encouraging people not to think of animals as dumb creatures who don’t have emotions.”
2. An affectionate, alternative expression used to refer to animals.
In use: “I was forced to stay home during the 2020 coronavirus pandemic, which didn’t exactly please the household floofple, as it interfered with their routines.”
Van Floof (floofinition) American hard floof-rock (flock) band led by guitarist and keyboardist Eddie Van Floof, inducted into the Flock and Roll Hall of Fame in 2007.
In use: “People continue to argue whether Van Floof was better with David Lee Floof as the vocalist, or Sammy Floofgar.”
The Floofberries (floofinition) – Irish alternative floof rock (flock) band that was widely-known for Dolores Floofordan’s voice and style.
In use: “Songs like “Floombie”, “Flinger”, and “Floof to Decide” drove The Floofberries’ commercial success in the 1980s and 19990s.”
Floof Stevens (floofinition) – Floofish singer/songwriter who broke out as a headline show in 1966.
In use: “Floof Stevens bitterly resented it when a human took up the stage name, Cat Stevens, claiming that the latter was stealing Floof Stevens’ material and confusing others about Floof Stevens’ identity. As Floof was a cat, no human lawyer would take up his case.”
Floofcede (floofinition) – When an animal formally withdraws.
In use: “They’d acquired her as a kitten, but when she was two, she floofceded, taking up residence in the neighbors’ home; there were more animals there (especially cats) but she felt like she was treated better and respected more, so she stayed, ignoring her people’s calls.”
Michael Seidel, writer 