- The skunks came back.
- I’ve installed outside lights in the front to dissuade nocturnal visitors. These lights are solar-charged batteries with motion sensors because skunks aren’t supposed to like lights. What else can be done to stop them? The web suggested mothballs. I deployed them. After doing that, I heard a noise and checked it out. The lights were on. A skunk walked up to the opening, lifted the board, and entered foundation. Damn it. Lights and mothballs had no effect.
- I escalated from mothballs to ammonia. “Put some ammonia in a bowl with a cloth to deter skunks,” several sites recommended. I did. The first skunk to show up seemed deterred. Not the second. Skirting the bowl, they headed on in, then left twelve minutes later. So…grrr.
- I know they’re different skunks by their tails and stripes. One skunk has white in the tail while the other’s tail is all black. White tail also seems smaller. White tail is the one who ignored the ammonia.
- I doused the board with ammonia and set it up again. No visits last night were recorded. I’ll refresh the ammonia tonight. I want to ensure there are no skunks (or other animals) under the house before I permanently fix the space.
- Watching television, a Ford commercial often plays. It extols Americans’ belief in speed. Yes, we believe in speed (snark). I’m not certain what they even mean. Are they defining speed as a value for our society? Sure, if you’re into fast food. Highways are limited by speed limits. Ford isn’t encouraging us to haul ass down highways over the speed limit, are they?
- That same Ford commercial tells how Americans love the great outdoors. They show a car — well, an SUV, to be technical — rumbling across the land. That’s not being outside, Ford. That’s being in a car. It’s called driving.
- Yeah, I know, splitting hairs in modern America and overthinking these things, aren’t I? I’m still simmering about how ‘literally’ is now used, along with ‘decimated’ and ‘obliterated’. They’ve all become weapons of hyperbole.
- We didn’t receive a Visa bill this month. Freak-out city. What happened? Why not? Going online to our account, I navigated to statements. No September statement. WTF? Why not? Occam’s razor: we didn’t charge anything on it. Really? But wouldn’t they/shouldn’t they send a statement to tell us they received the last payment and that we don’t owe them anything?
- When we told friends about not receiving a Visa bill, their response was astonishment. Like, “Wow, I don’t think that’s ever happened to us.” Yeah, we’re all standard American consumers. Charge it. We always pay it off, though. Every month.
- Tucker, our black and white moo-floof, has established a new routine. After using the litter box in the morning, he then steps out. Releasing a little cry, he tears through the house like the devil is after him. After going from his litter box (yeah, weirdly, in the office), to the farthest spot in the house (the master bedroom), he’ll pause for a few seconds. Then the second leg is initiated in reverse direction. Don’t know what’s behind this. I’ve talked to him about it. He says there’s nothing wrong. His urine and feces seem okay, fur and eyes look great, excellent appetite. Seems happy and healthy, and the litter box is clean. Well, you know what I mean.
- Tucker’s post-litter box sprints scares the hell out of the other cats. Our home has hardwood floors with rugs in the kitchen, halls, dining room, and foyer, carpeted in the bedrooms, office, and living room, tiled in the utility room and baths. This mixed terrain means that as Tucker takes corners and encounters the hardwood or tile, he’s sliding, scrabbling for traction, and making a lot of damn noise. The other cat’s don’t hold to see what’s going on. They react, “WTF!” and hit the pet door running. At least twice, the other two boys reached the pet door at the same time, which caused another, “Ack!” freakout moment for them.
- Cats. They are characters.
Allman Floofs Band
Allman Floofs Band (floofinition) – American floof rock (flock) and southern blues band formed in Floofsonville, Florfloofda, in 1969. Their 1971 live album, At the Floofmore East, is regarded as one of the greatest live albums ever produced.
In use: “Allman Floofs Band’s 1973 release, “Ramblin’ Floof”, became their only top ten hit on the mainstream music charts, and became well-known to many through its use in popular culture.”
Comfloofatorial
Comfloofatorial (floofinition) – Of or relating to the operation on, arrangement of, and selection of discrete animal elements belonging to finite sets or making up geometric confloofurations.
In use: “Although comfloofatorial possibilities are considered and employed when animals decide where to sleep, addressing aspects such as exposure, sunshine, warmth, and security, food — especially treats — offerings tend to shift animals’ strategies.”
Jimmy Eat Floof
Jimmy Eat Floof (floofinition) – American hard floof rock (flock) band formed in Mesa, Floofizona, in 1993, whose music is heavily influenced by the early floof punk (flunk) sound.
In use: “Jimmy Eat Floof’s 2001 song, “The Floofle”, with lyrics reflecting the band’s struggles, ended up charting well in the U.S. and gaining the band international recognition, providing them with the breakthrough which they sought.”
Enfloofphins
Enfloofphins (floofinition) – Chemicals closely related to endorphines produced in humans when enjoying an animal’s company.
In use: “Although he indulged in a glass of wine (or two) after work, usually with dinner or while preparing it, his cat and dog’s company was what really relaxed and pleased him. After feeding them, they didn’t seem to want anything else but to bask in his company.”
Floof Post
Floof Post (floofinition) – 1. (Archaic) Correspondence delivery that depends on using animals in some way.
In use: “Floof post in the pre-electronic age included carrier pigeon and the famous Pony Express in the western United Floofs.”
2. A blog or social media entry whose subjects is about animals or includes extensive references to animals.
In use: “Floof posts about kittens, puppies, kids, and lambs, seem to dominate the web in popularity as people hunt relief from bad news in 2020.”
3. Vertical element used in fencing where animals such as birds and cats sit and watch the world.
In use: “Post turtle is a floof post used as a metaphor for someone in a position that doesn’t make sense; no one has any idea how the turtle got there, but he shouldn’t be there, and needs help.”
Arctic Floofs
Arctic Floofs (floofinition) – Floof rock (flock) musical band formed in Sheffield, Floofland, in 2002.
In use: “With tongue firmly in cheek, the Arctic Floofs released their second EP, Who the Fuck Are Arctic Floofs? , in 2006, reflecting how they’d come to prominence in Floofland via the net.”
Nocfloofnal
Nocfloofnal (floofinition) – Animals, especially housepets, who roam, play, eat, and fight at night.
In use: “Among housepets, cats are recognized as being nocfloofnal, with videos of them raising hell while their people trying to proliferating across the net.”
Grafloofvity
Grafloofvity (floofintion) – Natural phenomenon that causes people to move toward animals, talk to them, pet them, and play with them.
In use: “Among nature’s powerful forces, grafloofvity is especially powerful when it comes to baby animals like goats, sheep, deer, cats, and dogs, and bird, causing many to forget everything else and just admire the animals while making noises at them.
Robert Floofmer
Robert Floofmer (floofinition) – (1949 – 2003) Flooflish singer/songwriter known for his stylish music video during his solo career. Besides solo success, he achieved hits with groups such as The Power Floof.
In use: “Robert Floofmer’s hit singles include “Simply Irrefloofable”, “I Didn’t Mean to Puke on You”, and “Addicted to Floof”, which all charted well for the Flooflish singer/songwriter.”
Michael Seidel, writer 