Science fiction, fantasy, mystery and what-not
Flooftypal (floofinition) – Very typical of a certain kind of animal.
In use: “Mama Meow was one of the growing flooftypal mothers seen on the net of late, willing and eager to raise orphaned babies from another species — squirrels, in this instance.”
Floofsensical (floofinition) – Something strange or baffling that makes complete sense to an animal.
In use: “It was floofsensical to everyone — including the cats — but the French bulldog loved nothing better than getting on his back and slowly sliding down the carpeted steps, and would do so again and again. His family began calling him ‘The Stairmaster’.”
Eqflooflibrium (floofinition) – An accepted balance of power between two or more housepets, or between housepets and their owners.
In use: “An appropriate eqflooflibrium was found between the cats: Daisy would have Cheri’s lap during the day, and Petunia would sleep with her in the bed at night. Other than that, they would respect a three foot do-not-enter zone. Entering the other’s zone would immediately set off mewailing that brought Cheri’s intervention.”
Floofxiomatic (floofinition) – Self-evident truth to an animal, or matter taken for granted by an animal.
In use: “It’s floofxiomatic to many pets that they’ll sleep in the best locations, and when people eat, they will naturally partake of that food, too.”
Floofspiracy (floofinition) – Coordination among animals in a secret agreement to do an unlawful or forbidden act.
In use: “The cat and dog were guilty of multiple floofspiracies. Added by the bird (on lookout), the cat would pull the door ajar. The dog stuck his nose in and thrust it fully open. Dog and cat then dragged out the bags of the treats and the bird came down to feed them.”
Anyone need a dream? I had a surfeit of them last night. Convoluted and crazy. Too many to sit and remember, write, and analyze them. It would have taken hours that I don’t have. I instead stayed with one making the largest impression.
I can’t say where I was. Couldn’t make sense of it. In one part I was driving in a car with my wife. Darkness fell suddenly. The headlights didn’t go on as expected. It wasn’t a familiar car. Brown or tan sedan reminiscent of the old Chrysler K cars of the early 1980s, Lee Iacocca’s brain child. I started scrambling to find the headlight controls while verbalizing this to my spouse. Meanwhile, the ride changed from smooth to rough and bouncy. I immediately exclaimed, “We’re off the road. We need to find the road.” Seeing a clear space that could be it, thinking I’d simply veered off, I jerked the wheel left toward the opening.
We went over a hill through heavier bush and woods. Not the road! But, weirdly, POV changed; I could see the car from outside ourselves and the car, and saw that we were heading for an abandoned, weeded asphalt parking lot at the bottom of the hill. While it wasn’t where we wanted to go, it was good enough for now because I could also see that it was separated from the road we wanted by a small median strip. We could get to the parking lot, cross the strip, then drive to our destination, which I could also see in the gloomy dusk.
Now we’re in a room of some sort where we’re to wait. Narrow beds with disheveled blankets and sheets. Mine had cats burrowing through the covers as they played. A woman coming by said, “Yes, some of them have cats. Many don’t.” Okay. I asked her what to expect. She replied, “Find the script, read it, and wait.”
What? I found dog-eared and torn papers stapled together. I began reading, not sure what to expect nor why I was doing it, and thinking, that’s how life is. Meanwhile, the cats were feisty. I thought they hungry. I went about finding food for them. I found food but then couldn’t find the cats. That raised concerns about them.
Then — not sure why — I decided to fashion a mask for myself out of paper towels. I pinched out two holes for eyes and held them over my face. The white paper towels were raggedly torn. I began searching for some way to fasten them around my head but then I saw one of the cats go through.
Then, they demanded I read. Who? Why, it was the director. They’re auditioning people, trying to fill roles. Pick up one of the scripts and read. I did while holding the mask up around my face. The director loved it. Don’t practice; don’t change. Just walk forward, pick up scripts, and read them when you’re told. WTH. I was confused but decided I’d go along with it. I discovered two young actors had been cast as Romeo and Juliet. I was reading other parts. Then they would do their roles. Oh. I tossed the mask aside, feeling that it was a hindrance. A woman rushed up and told me, “No, no, the director liked that raw touch. He thought it was unusual and different and wants you to keep holding the mask as you read.”
So I went forward, holding up my mask, reading scripts when, seeing cats, and trying to feed them.
Dream end.
Floof face (floofinition) – 1. Expressions made when speaking with animals.
In use: “Seeing the ginger tabby wander into the dining room, she put on her floof face. Her eyes got big, lighting up from behind their brown irises. Dropping to one knee, she extended a hand and started speaking in a gentle, sweet tone associated with talking to infants.”
2. The acquisition of animal fur on cheeks, chin, forehead, etc.
In use: “His dog, god love him, always joined him in a nap, which both enjoyed, but afterward, he always had a little floof face in a ball of dog hair tangled up in his short beard. He learned on getting up, to look in the mirror and groom such collections off.”
Floomba (floofinition) – Dance between animals and a robot floor sweeper or vacuum cleaner, such as a Roomba. The intricate interface often involves quick, lively moves away from the machine by the animal when the machine comes toward the animal but the animal then follows the machine, trying to sniff it, when it turns away.
In use: “The cats often did the floomba when the machine was activated but the lab took off right away — she wanted nothing to do with it.”
Floofspringa (floofinition) – Rite of passage in a young animal’s life commemorated by running briskly around, jumping, and making substantial noise. Rutting might also be involved. Also sometimes spelled Floofschpringe or Floofshpringa.
In use: “Cats, of course, never keep to a standardized calendar or date regarding Floofspringa, going Floofspringa nuts whenever the impulse seized them, which was often while humans are asleep and the sun is below the horizon.”
Posse Floofmitatus (floofinition) – Animals’ right and ability to summon others to their aid in preserving peace against criminal acts and to find, detain, and arrest offenders.
In use: “Before human domination arose, posse floofmatatus was used to by many world regions, with most animals as signatories, but human tendencies and cultural differences disrupted the legal framework, leaving species to mostly fend for themselves.”
Michael Seidel, writer 