Macfloofnation

Macfloofnation (floofinition) – a housepet’s scheming or crafty action or artful design to accomplish something it knows it’s not allowed to do; a group of animal lovers who also identify as Apple Mac users; (slang) housepets who enjoy eating food from McDonald’s restaurants.

In use: “As part of his macfloofations to get food off the plate, he put on his cutest face, holding it in place as he edged his paw forward.”

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Parfloofsi

Parfloofsi (floofinition) – a strategy game played by housepets. Based on superior senses and knowledge that animals have that humans don’t begin to approach, there’s no sense trying to define the game’s rules and objectives to people.

In use: “As soon as Michael rose from bed, Papi, Tucker, and Boo began a game of parfloofsi, staying in one place and watching one another as he called them, expecting to feed them. None came for food; the parfloofsi was too gripping for the cats to eat.”

Overfloof

Overfloof (floofinition) – in households with more than one pet, the pet that usually keeps order (if there is any order).

In use: “In a household of two Beagles, one German Shepherd, and one Jack Russell along with four cats (and a hamster), a bird was the overfloof. Able to mimic the doorbell, garbage truck, and vacuum cleaner along with the sound of crinkling plastic and their masters’ voices, the bird kept the animals in a wary but peaceful vigil.”

Floofvana

Floofvana (floofinition) – in floofism, a transcendent state in which there is neither suffering, desire, nor sense of self, because one is with their housepets, and the world feels as perfect as it can be, at least for a moment.

In use: “Tired from working and cleaning the house, and running around on errands, she sat down on the couch. The Corgi and cat soon joined her, making room for themselves and each other on her lap. With one purring and both looking drowsy, she soon entered floofvana. Everyone should have pets, she thought. It would  make the world a better place if they did.”

Tuesday’s Theme Music

Once again, the cats contributed to today’s theme music selection. My three boys – Boo, the big black tailless tom, Papi, the orange flash, and Tucker, the black and white long-haired enigma – were following me around. I’d already fed them, but that didn’t stop them from tracking my location and activity.

The three boys do not co-existent in peace. On some days, they glare at one another like they’re bent on mutually assured destruction. One these days, when one violated another’s space, loud, angry warnings were issued. Of course, one cannot issue a warning without the other issuing a warning back.

They weren’t doing this today, though. I suspect the snow and cold were disturbing them. Temperatures in our neighborhood dropped to twenty-one and snow fell all night, so no cat was permitted to go outside. That means, pent up energy. 

Talking to them, though, I said with mild irritation, “I don’t know what you guys want. I can’t read your poker faces.”

Click, Lady Gaga and “Poker Face” (2008) began streaming.

I began singing the song to the cats, doing a little dance for them as I did.

I couldn’t tell if they liked it or not.

Fairies

“What’s this?” I asked myself, speaking only in my mind.

I looked around. Nobody was in sight, but on my desk was an unexpected fresh cup of steaming coffee.

The coffee fairy had been by, I realized.

I’m very fond of fairies. Besides the coffee fairy, the doughnut, cookie, and brownie fairies have visited me.

Fairies do have a dark side. Just this morning some feline fairy left a gift on my shower mat. They also left another gift on the bathroom rug. It had to be a fairy, because my floofs were all bland innocence and whiskers.

Some fairies have never visited me, despite my hopes, like the lottery fairy (“You have to have a ticket!”), but the writing fairy often comes, streaming words through me. The words often make sense, too. Well, sometimes.

Time to write edit like crazy at least one more time, and see what the fairies have for me.

 

The Lion Dream

My wife and I were living in a pale stucco house that was part of a housing plan. It reminded me of the Kadena Air Base or Randolph AFB housing we lived in.

It was a sunny and pleasant day outside. I opened the front door, looked out, and saw an adult male lion, mane and all, about forty feet away. I said to my wife, “Look, honey, want to see a lion?” She wasn’t much interested, and I kept telling here, “There’s a lion out here.”

The lion became interested in me and the door, so I closed it. My wife looked out the window and saw the lion, but wasn’t impressed. I continued intermittently watching it. Doing that, I discovered it was moving around outside our house, and more focused on it.

Not seeing it out the front window after a while, I opened a side door. Yes, the lion was just outside. As soon as the door opened, it turned my way and approached at a brisk trot. I shut the door fast. Looking through another window, I saw the lion prowling along the house and knew that he was looking for a way in.

We had cats, and the cats were suddenly interested in going outside to see what was going on. I grabbed one as they started out the pet door and pulled them back in. When I did, the lion shoved its huge paw through the pet door and tried clawing the cat out of my grasp, but I kept the cat away. As the other cats ran toward the door to see what was happening, I managed to kick the lion’s paw. Roaring it withdrew the paw and I put the pet door cover on.

I heard the lion scratching at that door. I was a little alarmed but knew the lion couldn’t get in that way. But I was concerned that something else had been left open. As I thought fast about what could be open and hurried around, checking windows and doors, I heard the front door open. Shouting, “No,” I ran that way.

I arrived at the living room to discover my wife had opened the front door. She was stepping out. Running forward and shouting, I grabbed her and slammed the door shut just as the lion arrived.

The dream ended.

 

Floofstead

Floofstead (catfinition) – a cat’s territory and its adjoining location; a place a cat claims by its presence.

In use: “The door was open, so in true floofstead fashion, the tiny diluted calico walked in, completed an inspection circuit, and then settled down for a nap on a chair, establishing that this was her place.”

Floofstop

Floofstop (catfinition) – a cat that leans against something, preventing it from opening or closing; a cat in the middle of something, like an unmade bed, or a floor, keeping activities from being completed.

In use: “The door couldn’t be opened nor closed because Tucker decided he’d be a floofstop, and his languid, confident demeanor made it clear that he didn’t plan to change vocations any time soon.”

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