Floofhem

Floofhem (floofinition) – A housepet’s willful damage.

In use: “Becca grew aware that her cats and dogs seemed to share a secret agenda, inflicting floofhem on new clothes and shoes, resorting to damaging curtains or sofa, of new clothes weren’t available. Fortunately, she cared more about her pets than her things.”

h/t to Barbara Froman.

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Sunday’s Theme Music

Warren Zevon was always up and down to me. Sometimes, I greatly enjoyed and admired his work, but other times, I was left scratching my head. Most acts do that for me, but it seemed like it was more frequently a response to Zevon’s solo stuff. (It’s probably just me, innit?) “Werewolves of London” (1978) stands out as a strong exception. I love its funkiness, especially that simple, melodic piano, and ended up singing it to my cats last night (although my version was, of course, “Werecats of Ashland”, as they’re cats, and I live in Ashland, Oregon).

They were dubious.

Floofling

Floofling (floofinition) – 1. Animals who appear to be from Earth but are actually visitors from another planet. 2. Smaller versions of animals. 3. Romance between two pets.

In use: “The way his cat stared at everything, as though astonishment constantly coursed through him, made Drake wonder if Pluto was a floofling.”

“Despite never meeting, the ginger cat and the Himalayan began a floofling, waiting for one another to appear in the window each morning and then spending the day non-verbally communicating.”

Floofmarm

Floofmarm (floofinition) – 1. A housepet who rigorously enforces adherence to a set order of activities and behavior. 2. A person who insists on specific and often ritualistic behavior by their animals.

In use: “The husky acted as a floofmarm, ensuring that everyone ate at their own bowl — something the cats didn’t readily appreciate — that all got out of bed when the women did, and that all went to bed at the correct time.”

Battlefloof Galactica

Battlefloof Galactica (floofinition) – Franchise of stories centering around how animals escaped their original dying solar system and came to be on Earth.

In use: “The first episode of Battlefloof Galactica introduced viewers to the original thirteen warrior cats, dogs, birds, and other animals, and their leader, Galactica, a turtle who conceived of a floofship to escape their solar system and find a new world.”

Floofaneer

Floofaneer (floofinition) – Any of the freefloofers preying on unsuspecting households by sneaking in and eating other pets’ food and treats.

In use: “A sleek black cat, Pearl was soon known around the neighborhood as a floofaneer, fearlessly ferreting out petdoors and boldly entering other homes.”

Freefloofer

Freefloofer (floofinition) – Housepet who appears to be a stray because they’re always wandering around as though homeless.

In use: “The friendly little dog was a freefloofer who enjoyed wandering the neighborhood and making new friends. People often thought he was lost, so they took him home, fed him, and doted on him while posting on social media, ‘Lost Dog Found’. Naturally, he wasn’t a lost dog; just a freefloofer.”

Eflooftemology

Eflooftemology (floofinition) – The study or a theory of the nature and grounds of knowledge regarding animals, especially housepets or domesticated animals, with reference to the limits and validity of the knowledge.

In use: “Animals’ innate secrecy and their desire to protect their knowledge limits eflooftemology as animals often defy established ‘facts’ about their thinking, skills, and behavior.”

Floofdrant

Floofdrant (floofinition) – A room or space divided by housepets for their use.

In use: “A floofdrant was always created along the same lines, with the older male cats taking to the easy chairs, the dogs on the sofa, and the female cat on the humans’ favorite leather recliner.”

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