Haifloof #24

Rainy day outside

Twitching tail and watchful eyes

Looking for mischief



Floofdango (floofinition) – a foolish or useless act done by a housepet.

In use: “Among the dog’s many floofdangos was his willingness to charge the screen patio door and crash through it. They never knew the reasons behind the behavior, which is what made it a floofdango.”


Floofberg (floofinition) – housepet who appears smaller than they are.

In use: “Whenever the puppy slept, he curled himself into a tight ball, and appeared to be about three feet across. That was resolved as the tip of the floofberg, for when he stood and unstretched his long limbs, he was a giant with enormous paws. Everyone agreed, he was going to be huge.”


Superfloofsition (floofinition) – in housepet quantum principles, the theory, practice, and observations that a housepet seems to be in two places at once.

In use:  “She left Penny downstairs asleep in a sunlit living-room corner, but when she turned from opening her drawer to select her clothes, the little calico was sitting on the bed, watching her with luminous green eyes as its tail-tip tapped out a slow, amused beat.”

The Internet of Floof (IoF)

The Internet of Floof (IoF) (floofinition) – connecting devices to share information about animals, often focusing on housepets and their antics, or the love relationships between odd animal couples, usually through social-media postings.

In use: “On the Internet of Floof, it’s not surprising to discover dozens of posts a day about a neighborhood saving a cat in a tree, an old dog living on the street being saved and finding the safety and comfort of a home for the first time, or a pig raising orphaned kittens. Anything is possible on the IoF.”

The Lesson

Hearing the sharp meow, thumps, and swearing, she knew what’d happened.

He came in seconds later. “That cat is so stupid. He’s black. He knows I can’t see him, but he still lays on the rug, and I almost step on him or kick him, and he gets upset. You’d think he’d learn.”

She answered, “He’s a cat. You know he’s not very smart. You’d think that you’d learn by now.”

He glared at her for several seconds before saying, “Sure, take the cat’s side,” and stalking out.


Floofprocity (floofinition) – expectation among housepets that if one pet is given something, the others get some, too.

In use: “”Hello, sweetie,” he said to his puppy, bending down giving the happy, wriggling animal several scratches and kisses. As he looked up, the other dog and both cats headed his way, ready for some floofprocity.”


Flooflighting (floofinition) – similar to gaslighting, flooflighting takes place when a housepet begins manipulating activities to sow seeds of doubt about what’s going on to either inflict terror, gain power, or get revenge.

In use: “She was beginning to think her cat was flooflighting her. Every time she couldn’t find something, she’d find the big black and white cat sleeping on it under her favorite chair. It couldn’t be a coincidence that things were always dropped there. He had to be picking them, moving them there, and then hiding them from her.”


Floof-matter (floofinition) – a hypothetical form of matter invisible to people that housepets often notice, postulated to account for animals’ odd behavior.

In use: “Without warning, the cat leaped up from its dead sleep, stood on her lap, and stared across the room without movement. She stayed calm, realizing that Alberta was probably seeing floof-matter.”

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