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Unflooftested (floofinition) – Objects, locations, or people who have never been exposed to animals once they’ve been acquired as new.
In use: “She worried about her new black sweater and how it would fare; Kathryn had two cats and one dog, and the sweater was unflooftested.”
Pawtillism (floofinition) – Animal artwork in which small dots or strokes of paws, feet, beaks, noses, ears, and other body parts are blended together to create a scene. The movement was originally done only by paws, with other body parts being incorporated later.
In use: “The first dog to use pawtillism is lost to history, but when art historians investigated the cave, they could do nothing but marvel. Preliminary testing revealed the paints was over eleven hundred years old. Then they realized that the powerful, primitive scene, of people by a fire, also had strokes that could only have been done by a bird’s beak, fueling their amazement to greater heights.”
Floofscribe (floofinition) – 1. A person who writes about animals, particularly housepets. 2. An animal who acts as historian or recorder, keeping notes on what happens.
In use: “Bunny the cat was the official floofscribe. She protected her diary because she had the kibble on everyone. It would be especially bad if the Humans ever found it. Well, if they found it and could read flooflish.”
Flooflish (floofinition) – Official written and spoken common language of housepets.
In use: “When in private, that is, when Humans weren’t around, the dog, bird, and cat conferred in flooflish to decide what to do about the overheard plan for the Humans to sell their house and move to the city. Floofcon 1 was immediately declared.”
Onomatofloof (floofinition) – Naming animals for the sounds that they make.
In use: “Within an hour, by onomatofloof, the rescue kittens became Chirrup, Hiss, Quack, and Spit.”
Sunfloof (floofinition) – Animals who enjoy lazing, lounging, or sleeping in pools of sunshine, move with the sun across spaces, or sit with their face to the sun.
In use: “Five cats and three dogs, and all were dedicated sunfloofs, moving across the patio to remain in the sun, as if they’d cease to be without sunshine.”
Unfloofable (floofinition) – Animal behavior marked by supreme self-confidence, surety, and self-control.
In use: “The ginger boys were in a vet’s office for their check-ups after a thirty minute car ride, but purring and unfloofable, they looked as if they sat on their own porch, surveying their domain.”
Floofistry (floofinition) – A housepet’s subtly deceptive reasoning, persuasion, or argumentation, usually conveyed by using big eyes, purring, or soft whining.
In use: “When he got his sandwich, he knew he’d succumb to his pet’s floofistry, so, planning ahead, he made two additional plates with lunch meat on it – one for the cat, and one for the dog.”
Floofper (floofinition) – An embarrassing (and often comical) mistake done by a pet.
In use: “The dog rushed in, tried to stop, and slid across the hardwood floor, crashing into the a bookcase, sending books flying. Ignoring the floofper, he stood off, shook himself off, trotted to the other side of the room and sat down as if nothing had happened.”
Cannafloofbidiol (CFD) (floofinition) – A chemical reaction induced by talking, petting, or being with animals, useful for reducing people’s anxiety and stress, with end results often said to be similar to ingesting or inhaling CBD.
In use: “She wanted a glass of wine, or even some marijuana to relax, but first Louise had to sit and let her brain empty. As soon as she did, her lab curled up with her. Within minutes of talking to the lab and stroking her fur, the cannafloofbidiol had mellowed Louise to the point that anything else seemed redundant.”
Michael Seidel, writer 