Bonus Monday Bumper Sticker
Floofitiate
Floofitiate (floofinition) – to make ineffective by making it useful for a housepet.
In use: “It hadn’t been planned as such but changes to the room – which had been his daughter’s bedroom until she married – such as three cat trees, one litter box, and two large dog beds, floofitiated its purpose.”
Floofcropolis
Floofcropolis (floofinition) – a city or fortification primarily used by housepets.
In use: “After the great animal revolution sent humans into hiding, many abused housepets trekked to a southern floofcropolis where food was shared and the animals helped one another recover from the cruelty the humans had inflicted on them.”
Inflooftrialised
Inflooftrialised (floofinition) – to introduce housepets on a large scale.
In use: “Younger families moved in. The sounds and actions of playing young children filled the streets. The neighborhood became inflooftrialised with cats, dogs, birds, rabbits, hamsters, and guinea pigs.”
The Comma
“I have to eat, Tucker,” he said as he hurried into the house and past the cat. “I’m ravenous.”
Whiskers drooping, Tucker grew still. His eyes widened. He lowered his tail.
The man glanced at his cat. “No, I didn’t say, “I have to eat Tucker.” Well, that’s what I said, but there was a comma in there. I was saying, “I have to eat, comma, Tucker.” There was a comma in there.”
He went to his cat and scratched the feline’s head. “You know about commas, right? Yes, you do. Good kitty.”
Tucker closed his eyes, reassured that he wasn’t going to be eaten. It was just an unheard comma.
Gigafloof
Gigafloof (floofinition) – a larger than normal housepet.
In use: “At six feet tall, Walter the Great Dane wasn’t nearly as big as Freddy the Great Dane who was the world’s largest dog, but Walter’s height definitely qualified him as a gigafloof.”
Flooftation
Flooftation (floofinition) – a quotation or reference about a housepet, such as a dog, cat, or fish.
In use: “A classic flooftation comes from Groucho Marx, who said, “Outside of a dog a book is man’s best friend because inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.””
Floofdial
Floofdial (floofinition) – refers to having a housepet. Postfloofdial refers to the period after pets leave the household, leaving the household without a pet, while prefloofdial refers to the time before a household ever acquires a pet.
In use: “With his beloved fur friend passed away, his home was no longer floofdial, but he wasn’t going to remain postfloofdial. He was certain fate would direct another fur friend his way, which is what he wanted. He didn’t think of his prefloofdial era with any fondness, for a home without a pet just wasn’t as warm and friendly.”
Floofciturn
Floofciturn (floofinition) – housepets who are reserved and do little to communicate with others.
In use: “He said to his cat, “What’s the matter? Are you hungry? Do you want to go outside?” The floofciturn feline remained sitting where he was, watching the man like the cat had no idea who he was or what he was saying.”
Floofjection
Floofjection (floofinition) – a housepet’s dismissal or refusal of an offering or action.
In use: “The cat had a habit of floofjection whenever people attempted to stroke her silky black fur, raising a paw and gazing at them with an expression in her enormous green eyes that said, “No. Look, but don’t touch.””
Michael Seidel, writer 