Science fiction, fantasy, mystery and what-not
Floofxiety (floofinition) – worrying about a housepet; a housepet’s worry about a noise, activity, or another animal.
In use: “He was on vacation, staying at a lovely beach house, but floofxiety flooded him when he heard about a wildfire near his town. He didn’t care if he lost his house or its contents. He just wanted to ensure his cats and dogs were safe.”
One of last night’s dreams had me traveling.
It was all going wrong. It began with me leaving an aircraft and discovering that I’d been on the wrong flight and had subsequently landed in the wrong place. Knowing that I was on a tight schedule, the realization sent anxiety tremors through me.
As I began to sort the situation, I discovered that besides being on the wrong flight, I didn’t have my tickets. I also didn’t know where my luggage was, or where it was headed.
Chaos ruled the airport. Noisy and crammed with travelers, flights seemed to be screwed up for many. My heart was sinking with the magnitude of the mess. Weariness spread through me.
A tall man in a airline uniform called my name and approached. “We know you’re having some problems. Don’t worry, we’re going to take care of you and make sure you get to where you’re going.”
Two women in airline uniforms were with him. One woman said, “I’ll make sure that you get on your flight and get to where you’re going. Don’t worry about it.”
The man said, “I’m going to get the flight ready. I’ll come back and check on you.” He walked off.
The other woman said, “I’ll be here to help you. Just come and see me if you have any problems or issues.”
I felt a lot better, and flattered. “Okay, thanks. But I’ll be okay.”
“We know,” the second woman said. “We’ll make sure of it.”
I found myself in a packed waiting area. Finding space on the floor, I set down the one bag that I carried. I planned to call people to tell them what was happening. When I looked for my phone, I discovered it where my wallet was supposed to be. In a flash, I realized that I’d packed my wallet with my identification and credit cards in my checked baggage.
I felt sick. Someone could open my bag, find my wallet and steal my credit cards, and my identification. As I grappled with that, a small calico cat came up to me through the terminal. Butting her head against me, she purred, meowed at me, and sniffed and rubbed against me.
Others noticed the cat and were envious, telling me, “How sweet,” and, “Can I pet her?”
The cat allowed herself to be pet and cuddled, but she always came back to me. I told everyone that I’d never seen her before. Someone said, “That’s your protector animal.”
My phone, the old Blackberry that I used to have, began ringing. It was an old friend who died a few years ago. “I got a joke for you,” he said.
“Why’re you calling me now? I don’t have time for jokes, Randy,” I answered.
“Sure, you do. This won’t take long.” Then he told me a joke (which I don’t remember).
Another old friend, also dead, then called. He also wanted to tell me a joked exasperating me. “I don’t have time,” I said. “Yes, you do,” he replied.
The second woman approached. “We have your luggage,” she said, and then, there was my luggage. In a rush, I opened it. My wallet was in there with my ID. My credit cards were in there, but they’d been cut in half.
The woman said, “They saw your credit cards were in your luggage, so they cut them in half, to protect you.”
While I appreciated them looking out for me, I was upset because my credit cards had been cut in half.
Then the woman put her hand up and said, “They ordered new credit cards to replace those, so you won’t have any problems.” In her hand were replacement credit cards.
The first woman then announced to the waiting area that an aircraft was ready for us. A small cheer came from the passengers in response. As I stood and began gathering my items, the woman came over and called my name. “You need to come first,” she said. Then she told the others, “We want him to get to where he wants to go.”
Everyone nodded in understanding as she led me forward to the waiting aircraft.
Floofgry (floofintion) – a hungry, drowsy look that housepets use when they’ve been asleep and are awakened by the sound of an opening container.
In use: “Hearing him open a new package of toilet paper, the small orange tabby raised his head and favored him with a floofgry look.”
Quadrafloof (floofinition) – surrounded by four housepets.
In use: “Quadrafloof was the normal situation when he and his wife settled down in the evening. The cats took the laps, the dog took an end, and the bird took a shoulder. Then, eating popcorn and watching a movie was the standard practice until the popcorn was gone, all were asleep, and the television went on with its broadcasting.”
Foot-floof (floofinition) – a housepet who likes to sit or lay on someone’s foot or feet as part of their expression of affection.
In use: “He didn’t know where and how they’d learn it but whenever he stopped, the dog sat on one foot and the cat sat on the other, rendering it impossible to ignore them. He believed that was the plan. They never got on his lap; they always were on a foot, originating their nickname, the foot-floofs.”
Subfloofinal (floofinition) – a housepet’s ability to do something without people noticing.
In use: “Despite her awareness that the cats were fond of stealing food off her plate and had dibs on anything brought into the house, she put her plate on the table beside her and sat down to read. When she did, her Bombay Black employed subfloofinal tactics to steal several pieces and take them to the floor, where she and the other two cats happily devoured them.”
Misfloofievous (floofinition) – irresponsibly playful housepet; a housepet who’s playful in a naughty, teasing way.
In use: “Smart and misfloofievous, the black lab quickly understood the people’s patterns and habits. Being people of habit, they retired to the den to watch television in the evenings. As soon as one went that direction, she raced ahead, found the remote control, picked it up in her and began a game of keep-away. She was always pulling floofnanigans.”
Obfloofiate (floofinition) – to anticipate or prevent and eliminate a housepet’s plans.
In use: “Knowing that as soon as she left that a housepet would be on her food, she obfloofiated their intentions by putting her sandwich into the refrigerator
Floofal Vortex (floofinition) – a large mass of housepets sleeping or lounging together.
In use: “The large Great Dane sprawled across the sofa. Sleeping in winter sunshine under the window, he soon became part of a floofal vortex as the foster kittens and Corgis slumbered on top of or alongside him.”
Floofturn (floofinition) – a housepet quick turn in which the animal doubles back in one or two steps.
In use: “Pogo was heading for the pet door, but when Sandra opened the refrigerator, Pogo executed a floofturn and jogged to the kitchen.”
Michael Seidel, writer 