Science fiction, fantasy, mystery and what-not
Floofare (floofinition) – a short and showy blast of trumpets, often imaginary, that accompanies a housepet’s entrance; a housepet’s showy outward display.
In use: “Whenever the door opened and his name was called, the puppy galloped in, and around the room, putting on such a display that all could hear the floofare announcing his entrance.”
Inflooftory (floofinition) – process for to account for or count pets and other animals.
In use: “An inflooftory was conducted each evening to ensure all the animals were safe and fed. Fortunately all held to habits that shortened the time and effort to locate the dogs, cats, birds, reptiles, and the goat.”
Panfloofism (floofinition) – the belief that housepets have consciousiness, intelligence, and rights equal to humans.
In use: “Her panfloofism kept her from marrying for several years because she simply couldn’t tolerate anyone who thought of cats, dogs, and other animals as dumb beasts.”
Floof-toll (floofinition) – a tax or fee paid to housepets for some liberty or privilege; compensation paid by housepets for services such as feeding, treats, and fresh water.”
In use: “The rescue was his first dog but he soon realized that floof-tolls were attached to everything. Whenever he stood still or sat, the dog came, sat on his foot, and looked up at him in adoration. In return, the dog warned him whenever a pedestrian, car, or another animal approached the house. Both enjoyed the other, and the floof-tolls, such as a scratch around the ears or a treat, were tiny tokens for the shared joy.”
Transfloofdental (floofinition) – the ability to ignore what’s going on or what will happen with your housepets and get things done.
In use: “The cats and dogs were all sleeping, but she had no choice. Determined to be transfloofdental, she turned on the vacuum and began hoovering.”
Yardfloof (floofinition) – a pet who prefers to stay in the yard outside.
In use: “Although it was cold and snowy, Emmie remained outside, refusing invitations to come into the warm house. A dedicated yardfloof, the little tortie forced Gemma to construct a stouter home to keep her warm and safe during the blizzards.”
Floofkanda (floofinition) – An isolated region where housepets roam in safety and happiness while learning about the secrets of the universe.
In use: “Many people think their pets die, but in reality, they’ve found the bridge to Floofkanda. Although they love their bipedal friends, a natural imperative forces them to cross the bridge and reach Floofkanda.”
Gadfloof (floofinition) – a housepet who provokes others into action by criticism.
In use: “A true gadfloof, Raven beckoned Suzo forth with mews and glances until Suzo followed her. When they stopped, Raven sat down in front of the litter box. She looked at Suzo and then dolefully looked at the box. Suzo looked at Raven. Raven looked at the box again and Suzo realized it needed to be cleaned.”
Acfloofsition (floofintion) – acquiring a new pet for the household; reference to a new housepet added to the family.
In use: “He’d not planned an acfloofsition, being happy with the two cats he’d had for ten years. It was actually the cats’ fault that he added a new Dalmatian. They’d found the poor dog half-dead in the backyard. The grey old male with amber eyes, Adamas, kept watch while the other cat, Smudge, returned to the house and meowed until he came out to see what was going on. Once he saw the dog, a bond grew with phantom speed.”
I came up to the coffee shop counter to order. The barista’s eyes widened as her glance flicked over my face. Poise returned to her. “Do you know that your eye is very red-looking around it, like it’s bleeding?”
“Yes. My wife hit me.”
Her eyes widened.
I smiled. “I said something to her. I guess she didn’t like it, because she reached back and punched me. I reacted, but she caught some of my eye.”
“What’d you said?”
“I don’t remember.”
As the barista continued looking at me in shock, I smiled. “No, I made all that up. What really happened is that I got out of bed and peed. As I came back to bed at five twenty-five, I wondered where my cat, Tucker, was. I didn’t see him on the bed. He usually likes to sleep with us. I got into bed, and shifted my head and blanket to get more comfortable. As I did, I raised my head and looked over it, toward the headboard, and saw Tucker swing a paw at me. I guess he’d been asleep. I hadn’t noticed him, and startled him awake.
“Seeing the paw coming, I jerked back, but I wasn’t fast enough, and I was in the wrong position. One of his claws caught my eyelid and hung. Pitching forward, I freed myself, but not without some pain. I ended up with a scratch, about a sixteenth of an inch deep and three sixteenths long, on my eyelid. Luckily, he didn’t catch my eyeball or the cornea or anything.”
“Did you go to the hospital or get it taken care of?”
“No.” I smiled. “I cleaned it up and applied antiseptics with cotton balls. I believe I’ll live.”
“What’d you do to the cat?”
“Nothing. It was an accident, I think. He just freaked out. Although I have to say, when I fed him this morning, I told him that I was pissed at him and he needed to keep his distance for a while.”
Michael Seidel, writer 