Flooflorn (floofinition) – bereft of housepet(s); experiencing unrequited love with a housepet.
In use: “She decided that instead of staying flooflorn, she would foster cats and dogs, and kittens and puppies, and outfitted a room for that purpose.”
Floof Lane
Floof Lane (floofinition) – the path formed or blocked by resting housepets.
In use: “Weaving around the cats and dog blocking his path between his office and the kitchen — because the animals do not move except to look at you, oh, no, you must go around them or step over them — he couldn’t resist singing, “Life in the floof lane, guaranteed to trip you up, life in the floof lane, uh huh.”
Floofpera
Floofpera (floofinition) – a dramatic work in one or more acts featuring housepets, sometimes written by humans, but often improvised by pets.
In use: “A single barking voice interrupted Miguel’s sleep. The solo was soon a furious duet. Wondering what’d energized his mutts, he rolled out of bed and staggered down the hall to check the floofpera. It was usually the big squirrel or the neighbor’s big tuxedo cat, but sometimes it was people.”
Floofmagem
Floofmagem (floofinition) – a showy housepet, often with very fluffy, shiny fur, and not infrequently further decorated by bows or ribbons.
In use: “A true floofmagem, the long-haired amber cat with a black face and jade eyes sported flowing, long fur so evenly distributed that it could have been styled. A sparking collar that matched her eyes peeked out from the fur. What really sold her floofmagem image was her languid pose. Eyes partially closed, she looked like a graceful ruler at rest.”
Monday’s Theme Music
Good mornin’, from my perspective. Good day, good night good afternoon, whatever, from yours.
Monday here. Not talkin’, no not Monday talkin’. I mean that today is Monday. Monday doesn’t speak. Monday is sullen, sighing a lot amidst deep, multiple frowns, but not talkin’. Everyone blames Sunday for that because people on Sunday are often cursing Monday. “Oh, no, tomorrow’s Monday already.” Already, as if it’s a surprise, as if this doesn’t happen every week.
Eventually, those negative comments have added, and Monday’s down. Calendar bullying. It’s not pretty. Is there a bullying that is pretty? Of course, not.
You’d think, after this, that this song will be about Monday. It’s not. I was singing to a cat this morning. This revelation probably surprised you. You’re probably sayin’, “He sings to his cats. I’ve never heard of anyone singing to their cat.” I know. Unusual, right?
I was singing Taylor Swift’s song, “I Knew You Were Trouble” (2012) to ginger Papi. He was dancing and hopping all about, very full of himself, going up to the other bigger and older cats in a challenging manner.
Well, he went up to Boo, anyway. Challenges were discussed. I said some words ’bout the squirt gun. Papi backed away.
Papi considered Tucker but Tucker is all action, no words, so Papi didn’t get too close and only said one thing to Tucker. Tucker didn’t answer. Like I said…
Here’s the music. Happy friggin’ Monday. (Sorry, Monday.) I can do without the story-telling at the video’s beginning. Just wanted the music. It doesn’t start until about two minutes.
Hibble
Hibble (floofinition) – term housepets use for the foods that people eat.
In use: “Hearing the plastic bag rustle in the other room, the cat and dog recognized that she was getting one of her favorite hibbles, corn chips, out, and prepared themselves to beg for a few themselves, as the salty snack was one of their favorite hibbles, too.”
Floofonics
Floofonics (floofinition) – the study of housepet language and syntax.
In use: “His cats started talking to him more as they lived with him, and he developed floofonics, a science of listening to the nuances of their meows. It especially satisfied him to hear the cats talking to him about being fed. They began with sharp, loud meows that continued until he started to deliver their bowls to them. Their voices changed then, the volume dropping as the strident meows changed to mewmuring.”
Floofmance
Floofmance (floofinition) – a feeling of excitement and mystery associated with love for a pet or animal.
In use: “Although the dog weighed over a hundred pounds, he continued to get onto the man’s lap for a few minutes everyday to get and give love, continuing the floofmance begun when the puppy was found a starving one pound furball.”
Aquafloof
Aquafloof (floofinition) – a housepet who enjoys water. Note: feline and canine aquafloofs are respectively commonly called aquacats and aquadogs.
In use: “Wherever, whenever water was turned on, the dog, born from a liaison between a beagle and a collie, galloped in. If he wasn’t restrained, he leaped into the water – bath, lawn sprinklers, whatever. The aquafloof could never get enough of water.”
Floof-quest
Floof-quest (floofinition) – the effort to find a housepet, whether as an addition to the home or because it’s missing; a housepet’s effort to find something or someone.
In use: “A floof-quest was begun because they couldn’t find the cat, but several suspected the cat had gone on a spiritual floof-quest around the neighborhood, and would return home when it was completed.”
Michael Seidel, writer 