Tag: Cat

Saturday’s Theme Music

A song — well, late youth. By mid-1974, I’d turned adult, becoming a legal adult (well, that varies by state, country, and era, doesn’t it?), graduated high school, left home, and joined the military.

Still, I count “I Can Dance (Long Tall Glasses)” by Leo Sayer as a song from my youth. It’s a fun song. It came to me last night when I started dancing with the cat in the kitchen. I was dancing to another song in my head. My cat (Tucker, the big long-haired black and white fella) was bugging me for something (who knows, with cats?). He sat down to watch, so saying that I was dancing with my cat is a stretch. The look he was gifting me said, “What are you doing?”

To which I replied, “I can dance, you know I can dance.” Summarizing the essence of the Sayer song, he’s hungry, comes across a sign offering friend food and drink, but discovers that you have to dance for your meal. He then goes from claiming he can’t dance to declarations that he can dance.

Sure. It was just a matter of finding the right motivation and having faith in yerself, isn’t it?

Here’s the song.

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Elvin Bisfloof

Elvin Bisfloof (floofinition) Long time Floofmerican blues musician and songwriter from Floofdale, Califloofnia, inducted into the Floof and Roll Hall of Fame in 2015 as a member of the Paul Butterfloof Blues Band and on his own in 2016.

In use: “Highly successful, Elvin Bisfloof is probably best known for his 1976 released, “Fooled Around and Got A Floof”, which charted respectfully in many places and was used in the movie, Guardians of the Floofaxy.

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The Puking Game

We do not know the rules.

We suspect it goes something like this.

One of the housefloofs goes and pukes quietly. Their object appears to puke somewhere where it’ll take some time to notice, and not leave any clues to the puker’s identity.

We’ve found three such pukes over the last three days. “Someone puked in the living room,” my wife announces.

I check it out, like I’m doubting her report, right? No, I want to conduct forensics, clues like hairballs. But there’s nothing distinguishing about this puddle of upchucked kibble.

“I didn’t hear anything,” I say. Everyone who has an animal knows that each pet has signature sounds associated with their puking. They usually have a preferred place, too. This doesn’t fit any of our animals.

Did our animals bring in a guest floof to puke, to mess with our heads?

“I didn’t hear anything, either,” my wife said.

Of overriding concern when you have a puker is the source’s health. Is this the first sign of serious trouble or a one-time gack attack?

The second day was more concerning. One day is an incident; two days are a worrying coincidence. “Someone puked again,” my wife called out. “On my rug again. Why do they have to puke on my rug?”

“Maybe they’re sending you a message.” I checked out the vomitus. It was as undistinguishing as the first. Again, I’d heard nothing.

I looked around. The three cats were sitting there, watching, like spectators, you know?

Two of them appeared to be smirking.

Now there’s a third puke, except…

Hearing the noise, I rolled out of bed and stumble through the gray drizzle of six AM autumn light. I already guessed (because I saw Boo back in the bedroom and Papi sitting outside on the patio as I oriented myself and ordered, “Left foot, right foot, go forward,”) that it was Tucker, caught it in act.

Yes, indeed. This was a standard hairball.

Was it part of the game, or genuine illness?

Seeing me, he hurried over. “Meow?”

“I’m not feeding anyone,” I answered, guessing that’s what he asked. It was still just after six. I’d stayed up late writing, and I was going back to bed. As I climbed back between the sheets, I saw Boo, Papi, and Tucker watching me. Round one was over.

I wonder who won.

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Floof Quality Index (FQI)

Floof Quality Index (FQI) (floofinition) – Measurement of how well animals are treated. Expressed on an infinite scale that ranges from the negative side to the positive side, high positive numbers are desireable.

In use: “In many areas in the world, the Floof Quality Index (FQI) is improving and is now above zero as humans shed flawed stereotypes and recognize that animals are intelligent, have emotions, and grieve, much as humans do.”

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Floofosis

Floofosis (floofinition) – Uncomfortable or contorted body positions that result in stiffness or pain, caused by staying still for long periods so that an animal isn’t disturbed.

In use: “He hadn’t planned to sit so long and already felt floofosis settling into his backside, but his dog was so happy on his lap and looked so damn sweet, he couldn’t bring himself to disturb the canine’s snoring repose.”

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The Morning Question

Is it better to be wearing shoes in the house when you step in your floof’s gack?

Buy: Of course. If you’re wearing shoes, you won’t have that gross, wet feeling on your foot, which is definitely a disconcerting moment (because, you know, it could be something worse than gack).

Sell: No. If you’re barefoot and you step in it, you know immediately and won’t track it around the house.

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No Floof

No Floof (floofinition) – American floof rock (flock) band formed in Anaheim, Califoofia, in 1986. Active until 2015, they are now on hiatus.

In use: “Among the many songs that charted for No Floof is “Don’t Bite”, which reached number one in seven countries in 1996.”

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Saturday’s Theme Music

Today’s song came out in 1994. IBM had just purchased the company who employed me; that company had purchased the start-up that I’d been working for. So my employment record was like Russian dolls (which originated in Japan, BTW).

We were living in Half Moon Bay, CA, and had a comfortable life. But I had an uncomfortable feeling it was going in the wrong direction. We started making plans about where we could move. Texas? North Carolina? Pennsylvania, Ohio, New Mexico, Washington…we roamed the net, searching for answers.

I’d just sold a few short stories, so I as feeling good about that. This song came out. Catching me by surprise on the radio, the repeated chorus, “What you waiting for”, seemed expressed directly at me. I listened to see who it was, but the radio didn’t say.

I hunted it down on the net, learning it was Gwen Stefani, “What You Waiting For?” Later, I read that she’d written the song in response to having writer’s block. That resonated with me.

All of that is background. Today, it was about the cats. Our air is at 52. Don’t even smell smoke any more (which reminds me, check on the fires up north and down south). The cats had been released when we hit moderate on the AQI scale, much to their joy. Today, I had the door open to let in Tucker.

He paused to sniff the air before entering, then sat down. Looking up, he intently regarded me. To which I said (yeah, you know), “What you waiting for?”

It’s a good song for today. What are you waiting for? November? Clean skies and better weather? An end to the pandemic? A sign of God.

Get busy.

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Floofophone

Floofophone (floofinition) – Family of woodwind instruments often used in floof jazz (floozz) music.

In use: “Reading her book in bed late at night, she paused to listen. She’d heard a noise. Her dog beside looked content, with his tail tapping time to some song that he heard. What she almost heard that came to him quite clearly was a floofophone carried on the wind as the Stray Dogs played down the street.”

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Floofcapade

Floofcapade (floofinition) – An adventurous, daring, or exciting act or incident involving an animal.

In use: “When our pets disappear from our view, people’s minds begin imagining their fur friends are caught in floofcapades that may take them away from them forever.”

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