Floofseat (floofinition) – The most enviable position, location, or opportunity for an animal.
In use: “Every home with pets ends up with a floofseat, where at least one animal is sure to be sitting or sleeping.”
Murray Floof
Murray Floof (floofinition) – Flooflish actor and floof rock (flock) singer from Floofdon, Floofland. His younger brother is Anthony Floof, who is known for his role as Floofpert Giles in Floofy the Vampire Slayer.
In use: “Murray Floof is probably best known for a pair of international hits, “Superfloof” and “One Night in Floofkok”, which charted well in several countries.”
Floofscription
Floofscription (floofinition) – Words inscribed to describe an animal, particularly a pet or floof friend.
In use: “After his first pet passed away, he wrote a floofscription to explain how much the animal meant to him, and then decided from then on he’d write floofscriptions for his pets while they were alive, when he could celebrate them with them. That was the beginning of his private New Year’s Day routine.”
Bag It
Tucker Carlson has a problem with disappearing papers. From NY Mag Intelligencer:
On Wednesday night’s show, Tucker Carlson reported that his team had acquired incriminating documents. However, they sent them from Washington to Los Angeles, and the documents disappeared. And they neglected to make any copies. So now the only copy of the documents that would nail the probable next president of the United States are gone:
Few believe poor Tucker. He’s being mocked to hell and back.
I understand, though. I’ve been there.
I was taking university classes with the University of Maryland (go, Terps!) around my schedule when I was stationed with the Air Force at Kadena Air Base, Okinawa, Japan, back in the eighties. My wife and I lived with two cats in a tiny place off base outside of one of the gates.
Finishing a paper, I put it on the bookcase by the door so it’d be there when I departed and I was less likely to forget it. This was pre-computer days. I’d pounded out the paper on my used government IBM Selectric II typewriter. Our cat, Jade, jumped up on the bookcase and puked on the paper. Gross as was, there was no way I could turn that in. I thought about bagging it for evidence but laughed that off.
Abashed, I reported what happened to my professor and asked for another day. Dismayed, he said, “Well, I’ve heard that before, or variations, but I never expected to hear it from you. Well, okay, I’ll give it a day.” It really pissed me off that he clearly didn’t believe me, but he gave me the day.
Next time, I’ll bag it and turn it in.
Monday Miscellany
- Dreamed that I was concerned about a young cat. Young, I was busy working somewhere. Constantly watching over it, I kept worrying about it having food, enough to eat, and being safe. In an odd moment in the dream, as I turned to go down a hallway and check on the cat, I thought, the cat is me. Strange dream moment. The entire dream had a quality of peeking into a different version of my existence.
- In the same dream, interspersed with my concerns about the cat, my cousin, Rick was planning to take me to meet his son, Danny. Like a recurring gag, Rick would appear and ask me when I was ready to go. I’d be blank: “Go where?” Then I would remember, “Oh, that’s right, to go meet…” Then I’d blank on the name and he would supply, “Danny.” Once best friends, I haven’t seen this cousin in over twenty years. We drifted into different directions, as they say. He had a son who I’ve never seen. I don’t recall the son’s name. He divorced that young woman within months of her giving birth to his son. I don’t know what all this means.
- An Uber self-driving car has killed someone. Uber isn’t being charged. Thinking, shades of Isaac Asimov, I conjured a story where a person is set up to be killed by a self-driving car.
- My wife was reading about “Death Wish” coffee. She thinks it might be a coffee that speaks to me. She reading aloud some hilarious Amazon reviews. “I bought this to keep me alert and focused at work. By my second cup I no longer needed a keyboard or mouse, as I was able to control my computer directly by thought. By the third cup I could hear colors and smell sounds. After my fourth cup, I decided to burn off some of the excess energy with a quick jog, and ended up finishing the Kessel Run in 11 parsecs flat!” Another: “Dear Death Wish, I just tried your coffee after receiving it the other day. I always start my day with about 4 cups so I thought, “Eh, why not”. After about the 3d cup I decided to start that kitchen demolition I had been wanting to do. But I forgot to turn off the water beforehand. Then I thought, “Eh, I always wanted an indoor pool”. Then I thought I should cut a hole in the roof to accommodate a skylight for the pool. Everything is going to plan but I need more coffee now. I need to start on installing the diving board.”
- Some serious crazy is seeping out of the GOP. Renea Turner calls herself “Trump in a skirt”. (I wonder if she grabs men by their peckers?) A woman who ran as a write-in candidate against Ohio Governor Mike DeWine in 2018, she declared herself governor of the state because she’s decided that DeWine overstepped his legal authority. She’s been implicated in a plot to kidnap and prosecute Gov. DeWine. This is at least the second such plot against a governor revealed in the last thirty days.
- We heard about twenty-three year-old Ryquell Armstead this weekend. Who is he? A professional running back with the Jacksonville Jaguars, he’s been out with COVID-19 the entire season. Quoting ESPN.com, “Armstead has been hospitalized twice and has suffered from a variety of complications connected to the virus, including significant respiratory issues, and has been hit harder than some expected.” That’s the issue with COVID-19: you don’t know how it will affect you. He is Black, and we know that Blacks are more susceptible, but he’s also young, and a trained athlete. It’s scary what the virus can do. He’s expected to recover and play next but the obvious caveat is that he was never expected to be out this long and have the complications that he’s experienced. As former New Jersey governor Chris Christie discovered, having COVID-19 can be a painful and exhausting experience, even if you survive. He, who did not wear masks all the times, is now a convert and urges, “Wear a mask.” I agree.
- My fiction writing continues to come along but it’s fitful process. As noted before, I miss the structure I created with my routines. I also miss the solitude said routines created, along with the stimulation caused by casual contacts. But I persevere because I’m stupid that way, and the tale that I’m discovering continues to entertain me. Time passes so swiftly each day, though. I find myself wondering what happened to the hours. Got my coffee, though, so it’s time to write like crazy, at least one more time.
Floofporium
Floofporium (floofinition) – A retail establishment focused on serving animals and their needs.
In use: “Although pet stores have evolved, and department stores like Target cater to pet owners with a few aisles of goods, more dedicated pet-owners love going to the floofporium, where its extensive array of offerings fit every budget and need. Unfortunately for many, animals must give people a pass to give them entry to this exclusive establishment. Although pets are usually willing to take their owners to the the floofporium – they would, after all, benefit as well – most people can’t understand their animal’s language. To them, it’s all just noise.”
Sunday’s Theme Music
It’s another feline inspiration today. Laying in bed, a cat had wedged himself between my arm and my ribs and was purring like mad. As I gradually awakened and stroked him into a higher purring gear, I chuckled to myself and muttered soto voce, “A cat is what I got.”
That line quickly morphed along the 1996 Sublime tune, “What I Got”. So here it is.
Mimi Update
Mimi is the neighbor’s beautiful little gray and white cat. She had a close call with a car the other day. Turned out, she’d been hit.
I wrote about her close call in Friday Fragments. I saw Mimi streak away and reported it to the neighbor. I’ve seen cats streak away from accidents only to succumb later.
Such was the case now. Mimi’s back end was injured. She dragged herself into the house and hid. My neighbors searched for her but couldn’t find her. Midnight that night, Mimi made a noise and she was found, along with the extents of her injuries. They rushed her to care.
Mimi could be saved. The price would be high. Her injuries were extensive, and the quality of life and her future would be very uncertain. Grieving at 2:30 AM, the people made the decision they thought best for themselves and their cat.
Coronavirus restrictions were broken as the vet allowed them to say good-bye.
It was the humane thing to do.
Floofgent
Floofgent (floofinition) – Flooflish hard floof rock (flock) band founded by keyboardist Rod Floofgent in 1969.
In use: “The song, “Hold Your Tail High”, released in 1972, has been Floofgent’s highest charting song as a group to date.”
Fasfloofious
Fasfloofious (floofinition) – Showing excessive care, attention, or delicacy in an animal’s movement or behavior.
In use: “He is the most fasfloofious of floofs, luxurious extending and stretching each leg one by one before arching his back, yawning, and floofing out his thick, floofy tail before he finally acquiescing to walking.”
Michael Seidel, writer 