Limitfloophe (floofinition) – Border alongside an animal. Origins: Flooench, late sixteenth century.
In use: “Quinn was a small floof with a large limitfloophe, and whenever an animal stepped into that zone, he was instantly awake and alert.”
Noctrol
Noctrol (floofinition) – Floofterally, ‘nocturnal patrol’, a phrase employed by animals in reference to activities done between sunset and sunrise. Origins: 1600s, early middle Floofish.
In Use: “Spunk entered the house after her humans finally answered her summons and opened the door. Excited by all she’d seen on her notrol, she chatted to them, but all they did was tell her how sweet she was and feed her.”
In Use: “During his noctrol, Austin Powers witnessed Mark leave bed and quietly go to the kitchen, open the refrigerator and get out leftover pizza. Knowing Mark was on a diet, Austin Powers quietly joined him, demonstrating again that floofgilance pays off.”
Ponflooficate
Ponflooficate (floofinition) An animal’s manner of expressing themselves in a pompous or floofmatic style. Origins: 15th Century, first noted in The Flooferbury Tails, a collection of stories written in Middle Flooflish by Rex.
In Use: “Henry the Bassett Hound always walked into the room’s middle and ponflooficated in loud baying until he was floofcated with treats and attention.”
In Use: “Sadie could teach a master class in ponflooficating, the way she sat down and miaowed about the world.”
Proflooftiate
Proflooftiate (floofinition) – To gain or regain an animal’s favor or goodwill. Origins: Benjamin Franklin, Poor Richard’s Almanack, 1752.
In Use: “There was a reason for Spitfire’s name. Once she was upset, Shirley could only proflooftiate using Spitfire’s favorite treats until Spitfire relented.”
Thirstda’s Wandering Thoughts
Our cat sitter surprised us with her report on Papi.
Papi is our male orange cat. When I describe him, I use words like sweet but cautious. Wary.
The cat sitter said, “He’s such a sweet boy.”
Yep. We agree.
“He was always there waiting for me or showed up as soon as I called him,” the cat sitter said.
What? Papi shows up for me but often ignores my wife. We always thought Papi was distrustful of women.
“And he always wanted me to pet him and talk to me and purr, the sitter said.
Papi’s behavior was completely contrary to my wife’s experiences with him. Even though she bribes him with treats.
I noticed the cat sitter used a different sound when dealing with Papi. We use a kissing sound. She employed, “Psp, psp, psp.”
So I tried that on Papi.
The change was electric. He whirled around and hurried to me, tail up.
My wife’s eyes widened. She issued, “Psp, psp, psp.”
Papi turned and looked at her. “He usually ignores me,” my wife said.
We talked it over and agreed, that must have been the sound people used around him when he was young. Who knows, of course. We do know that the result is amazing. He’s a much friendlier and relaxed floof with sound employed.
Details matter. As always, the problem is in figuring them out.
Floofpidity
Floofpidity (floofinition) – 1. The quality of making unintelligent decisions or acts regarding animals. Origins: Worldwideweb, 1999.
In Use: “Realizing he’d forgotten his drink, Brett set his plate of sandwiches down on the coffee table in an act of supreme floofpidity, and rushed back to the kitchen, creating an opportunity for the Puppy to gobble up Brett’s lunch.”
2. A dumb idea or decision by an animal.
In Use: “Demonstrating grade A floofpidity, a dog attacked a child, only to be counter attacked and chased off by Tara the cat.”
Floofnamor
Floofnamor (floofinition) 1. An animal’s love or fascination for something or someone. Origins: 14th century Middle Floofish.
In Use: “From early on, Olive was floofnamored for all things liquid but especially a running tap, batting the water with her paw and lapping it up with her long, pink tongue.”
2. A human’s strong or excessive infatuation with an animal.
In Use: “Before she was walking, Rachel grew floofnamored with the dogs, who willingly stayed beside her as protector, friend, and surrogate parent while the infant grabbed their noses, ears, and fur, and cooed at them.”
Floofcrastinator
Floofcrastinator (floofinition) – Someone who puts off doing things because of an animal. Origins: From Flooftin floof (animal), crastinus (“of tomorrow”), from cras (“tomorrow”). First noted us 1920, United States.
In Use: “Sherry had every intention of picking up her list and getting things done around the house, but Temper found her while she was sitting on the sofa and fell asleep against her looking so adorable, Sherry felt like the Universe was telling her to be a floofcrastinator. It turned out to be a great nap, too.”
In Use: “Ella was normally an orderly and organized person who immediately did things but as soon as she adopted a rescue dog, she became a floofcrastinator, at least until she could re-prioritize to spend time with Penny while still getting everything else done.”
Infloofminate
Infloofminate (floofinition) An animal who does not have a name. Origins: Circa 1999, Internet.
In Use: “They variously called the infloofminate stray visitor, the orange boi, kibbles (for his love of food), the visitor, and window cat (for his habit of appearing at a window and staring in, especially when it was cold and wet) before they officially adopted him and dubbed him Cheddar.”
Munda’s Wandering Thoughts
The cat is sitting across the room by the open back door. His name is Papi. He’s either orange or a ginger. I’ve never given it much thought.
Smiling, I cross to pet him. He shouts out a plaintive and loud three-syllable meow.
I stop and looked at him. “That was annoying.”
His eyes shift. He’s making a mental note.
That confirms for me, that meow was part of Project Irritation.
I’m still putting Project Irritation together. I believe its overall scope is for the cat to try things and then document how I react. He can then put his findings to use to control my behavior.
I offer this with all seriousness. It’s the only idea that can explain the many meows he’s been employing in the last week.
Besides the Meow Phase of Project Irritation, I believe he’s also testing the limits of how often I will let him in and out of the house. He’s also conducting experiments on me by using differing reactions to his food. No doubt, he’s attempting to steer his food choices by indoctrinating me based on how he reacts to his food. He’s long sussed out that I’m his feeder and care giver.
Now he just needs to study me and take control.
It’s probably part of a more extensive cat project: “How to dominate the world”.
They already have the Internet close to completely in their paws. It’s only a matter of meows before they control the rest.
Michael Seidel, writer 