Replaced

The royal clowder summoned him to a meeting by the front door. The first floof said, “The weather outside is cold.” The second added, “It’s wet,” and the third went on, “And windy.”

“This must be stopped,” the first finished. “Fix it.”

“I can’t fix it,” the human replied. “I have no control over the weather, guys.”

Cat tails swished. “Silence,” the first floof roared. “If you can’t do it, we’ll replace you with someone who can.”

The three cats stalked off as the man laughed and shouted, “Go ahead and try.”

“Oh, we will,” the floofs replied. “We will.”

December 23, 2021 0

Failure

The royal clowder gathered for the morning meal inspection. Knowing how critical the august felines could be, he followed the traditional instructions to the letter, calling them out by name as they sat and judged, enthusing about the food choice, opening the can with a flourish, and then placing it in three clean bowls and mushing it up for easy devouring.

Next was the important step. With a deep breath to calm his nerves, he ceremoniously turned and set the bowls down by each cat, reverently speaking their names as he did, “Boo, Tucker, Papi.”

The three stared at the bowls. Boo spoke for the others. “This again?”

Giving him lingering looks that reeked with disapproval, the three stalked away.

He had failed again.

December 22, 2021 1

Schrödinger’s Floof

Schrödinger’s Floof (floofinition) – A pet who may or may not hear their name being called and who may or may not respond.

In use: “Every cat he ever had seemed to be Schrödinger’s floof, but that never deterred him from walking around shouting their name, although it did exasperate him and cause him to swear.”

December 21, 2021 0

Floofnosticate

Floofnosticate (floofinition) – An animal’s ability to foretell events.

In use: “When the cat jumped up on the counter and began stalking items, the dog sat up with a soft, “Ruff,” and watched in amusement, floofnosticating that the cat was going to knock things over and get into trouble.”

December 21, 2021 3

Floofstare

Floofstare (floofinition) – Intense gazing done by an animal to draw attention and to make others do their bidding. Floofstares can be enhanced by longing, such as a need for a treat or some attention, or emotions, such as anger because their food bowl is partially empty.

In use: “He was busy typing but the ginger boi settled in the office door and focused a floofstare on him. As time went on and the power intensified, he had no choice but to go do what the cat wanted because he could no longer endure the floofstare.”

December 20, 2021 0

Flooftoon

Flooftoon (floofinition) – Drawings of animals depicting them expressing funny views or in humorous situations. Cartoons may be a series of drawings or animated.

In use: “Christmas trees and ornaments prompt many flooftoons about pets’ reactions to the holiday decorations, i.e., a dog complaining that he’s not allowed to have a stick in the house but people have brought in an entire tree, or a cat plotting to attack and destroy the tree and its decorations.”

December 18, 2021 0

Infloofture

Infloofture (floofinition) – To be emotionally or spiritually in debt to an animal.

In use: “She was inflooftured to the small rescue dog, a white thing of uncertain breeds with a perpetual smile, for he calmed her son whenever he was frightened, anxious, or upset, going to the boy before anyone else even knew what was wrong and then just sitting with him, leaning against him, reassuring him that someone was there.”

December 17, 2021 1

December 16, 2021 0

Floofersonic

Floofersonic (floofinition) – An animal who appears to be faster than sound, a deception animals can foster by utilizing quantum motion to travel, one of many methods which animals employ to keep humans confused.

In use: “Trying to find where her dog was by following his manic barking, Brenda mused the beast had become floofersonic. By the time she found him, he was in the sofa seat that she’d vacated to go search for him.”