Science fiction, fantasy, mystery and what-not
Floofbitis (floofinition) – Faked illness brought on by an animal’s behavior.
In use: “She called her friend and told her that she couldn’t go out because she had a flare of floofbitis. After disconnecting, she scratched her dog’s head as he slept on her lap, nibbled a piece of gouda, sipped a little Merlot, and resumed reading the latest Louise Penney novel.”
Dynfloofsy (floofinition) – Powerful group or family of animals that maintains a prominent position for a considerable time.
In use: “Although they had three large male dogs and two large male cats, Jade and her female successors established a dynfloofsy, decreeing they controlled laps, food bowls, and the best sleeping places. Just a look from one of them enforced their royal edicts.”
Sisyfloofean (floofinition) – Task involving an animal requiring continual and often ineffective effort.
In use: “She always railed against where the cats should not be — the kitchen counters, the dining room table, the living room sofa and chairs — but keeping them off of these floofboten areas was a Sisyfloofean challenge.”
Baby, I’m thunderfoot
Always underfoot
making it hard for you to
move your foot
loving your foot
sleeping on your foot
licking your toes and
biting your foot
leaving drool on your foot
and chasing your foot
making you dance to keep me
from your foot
cause I’m thunderfoot
always underfoot
just another playful
floofy foot
Flooflympic Games (floofinition) – Panfloofic festival held every fourth year, made up of sports, music, story-telling, and other contests, with the victor’s prize a crown of treats.
In use: “Rex was a Flooflympic Games champion three times over, taking top honors in the bed jump, treat begging, and sad eyes competitions.”
Floofbonacci Sequence (floofinition) – The precise order of motions or routines an animal follows whenever a task or activity is completed.
In use: “Every animal establishes a floofbonacci sequence. Dogs often like to turn three times before lying down. Papi, a ginger cat, must always stand and stretch, front legs, back legs, followed by a yawn and a back arch, as part of his floofbonacci sequence before coming into the house.
Sassafloof (floofinition) – An animal who is bold, lively, and full of spirit.
In use: “The little gray kitty, Bean, now one year old, has been a sassafloof since the day she was born, with little sign of changing.”
Toenivore (floofinition) – Animal who likes chewing on people’s foot digits.
In use: “Teak is a wonderfully loving and sweet animal who is also a toenivore, fond of taking on exposed feet, whether someone is walking by, sitting and reading, or asleep in bed, forcing the household to issue guidelines to ALWAYS WEAR SOCKS.”
Floofdentity (floofinition) – 1. Animal people use to symbolize themselves or their approach to life or problems.
In use: “She wouldn’t call it her spirit animal but after seeing a bobcat as a little girl, she adopted it as her floofdentity, using a bobcat themed mug at work, among other things.”
2. An animal’s distinguishing character or personality.
In use: “The puppy was but eight weeks old but had already cemented a lion floofdentity, fierce and fearless, but noble.”
Issuing a hard squawk, a jay glided into the backyard, settling among the crispy brown weeds after a few hops. Cool mountain air stirred the firs and cherry tree bordering the yard.
A ginger and white cat shading herself on the patio flipped over onto her belly and watched the bird. Green eyes grew big. Watchful. She chittered.
The bird snapped off a chirp. Cat and bird glanced around. Six AM on Saturday, a fenced yard. No humans were about.
The cat strolled into the weeds. Bird hopped to her. Exchanges were issued. Then, business.
“What you got?” the cat asked.
“Not much. Neighbors across the street have gone camping. Will be back Friday. Fran, two doors down, fell. Bruised herself but broke nothing. Sissy was sunning herself on her roof yesterday, started taking selfies and almost fell off.”
The cat chuckled. “People.”
“You?”
“Not much. Bear visited the Miltons. Drained their hummingbird feeder. Flipped over a trash can.”
“Heard that. You pass this stuff on to your people?”
“Try. I tell them but they don’t seem to grasp it.”
“Well, keep trying, sister.”
“You, too, brother.”
“Keep cool.”
“Stay safe.”
They parted ways. A while later, the man entered the backyard. Chuckled the cat’s way. “Heard you and that bird going at it.”
The cat meowed several times back, trying to convey the information learned.
“What is it? What are you telling me? You hungry? Want water? A treat? What is it?”
The cat repeated the stories the bird had shared.
The man shook his head. “I don’t know what you’re trying to say.” He went on to water the garden.
The cat sat down with a sigh. That all summed up the problem. People could hear but couldn’t understand.
Michael Seidel, writer 