Tag: animal humor

Floofmaniac

Floofmaniac (floofinition) – A person who has an uncontrollable impulse to love, pet, or be with animals. Origins: FLOOFO +MANIA, FLOOFMANIA, first noted use in 1945.

In Use: “The net became a floofmaniac’s dream as videos of playing animals and animals loving and helping each other exploded across the globe.”

In Use: “Sylvia demonstrated early floofmaniac tendencies, first with stuff animals, but swiftly graduating to real animals, eventually starting a career at eleven years old to fund animal rescues and help pay for animal food and health.”

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Squirrel!

My wife and I were driving around, dropping off books at Little Libraries. So far, we’d dropped off twenty-five books at five Little Libraries. Only one stop remained.

I turned off East Main. It was sunny but rain was falling on the windshield.

“Squirrel!” my wife shouted.

I’d seen the squirrel bolting into the street and was braking before my wife said anything.

The squirrel and I both stopped. They turned and ran back to the sidewalk but stayed there.

I edged the car forward.

The squirrel edged forward.

I increased my speed.

So did the squirrel.

“Damn, dude, what are you doing?” I asked the squirrel through the window.

It turned right.

I accelerated away.

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Exfloofutive Order

Exfloofutive Order (floofinition) – Directive issued by an animal, particularly a housepet, that manages how circumstances or a situation are expected to be handled. Origins: 1904. Although many Exfloofutive Orders pre-existed, the first recorded Exfloofutve Order was written and numbered under the heading, “Care and Feeding of Animals in the Urban Household”, establishing by Exfloofutive Order by Mittens that, “…all animals dwelling with humans in Dayton, Ohio, will be given proper care and shelter, including meals, treats, brushing, bedding, and water.”

In Use: “Charlie issues a single woof each day at dinner, which became known as Charlie’s Exfloofutive Dinner Order.”

In Use: “Before going on vacation, Natalie regarded a list titled “Exfloofutive Orders”, which delineated how and what her cats, dogs, and fish would be treated and fed, along with where — because some of them were very floofticular.”

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Doggy Thoughts

My neighbor stepped out into her front yard. Cowdog followed her out, tail wagging like mad.

A woman was walking two dogs on a leash out in the street. Both dogs halted, forcing the woman to stop.

The dogs stared at Cowdog. I swear they looked like they were thinking, “Hey, that dog is outside and they’re not on a leash. How come we have to be on a leash?”

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Quixoatic

Quixoatic (floofinition) – Animal behavior marked by lofty ambitions which cause chaos. Origins: First seen in print in the novel “Floof Quixotic”, 1855.

In Use: “Dandy’s nights were quixoatic pursuits of bugs, spiders, and things which she only saw — awakening her people with a symphony of as pots meeting the floor.”

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Floofstalgia

Floofstalgia (floofinition) – 1. Emotional distress caused by worry about an animal. Origins: 2005 article, “Floofstalgia: a new concept in human and animal anxiety”.

In Use: “Brenda didn’t see Murder M, automatically triggering floofstallgia because this was not like Murder M at all.”

2. Fond reflections about a previously known animal.

In Use: “While searching for a pen, Wade discovered the purple collar Bella used to wear, soaking him with floofstalgia.”

3. Yearning for a time before living with animals, especially housepets.

In Use: “Sweeping up pet fur after cleaning up food bowls, floofstalgia raged in Carey — cleaning wasn’t as time consuming when she didn’t have pets!”

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Floofcedarian

Floofcedarian (floofinition) – Someone learning about the rudimentary needs of animals, especially housepets. Origins: floofcedary “floof primer” (going back to Middle Flooflish floofcedary, derived from Middle Flooftin floofcedārium). First known use, 1703 – “Practickal Advice for Floofcedarians”.

In Use: “After rescuing a vocal kitten from a heavy, Sly and Benji became overnight floofcedarians, chasing information on the net about to care for the first pet either of them had ever had.”

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Floofmulus

Floofmulus (floofinition) – An animal’s private secretary or personal attendant. Origins: Floofman, from Flooftin for servant. First use noted in print 1854, “The Travails of A Royal Floofmulus”.

In Use: “Two days after adopting a rescue cat, Becca realized she was a floofmulus, scheduling checkups and planning meals while ensuring she’s safe, comfortable, and entertained.”

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