Floofpression (catfinition) – the look on a cat’s face.
In use: “Catologists agree that a cat’s floofpression can reveal it’s mood and intentions, whether it’s love, contentment, curiosity, or getting ready to attack.”
June
Almost halfway through this year that we’ve deemed 2018. My writing discipline remains strong. I hope yours does as well.
The day was cold yesterday, and the trees were whispering, “Winter is coming.” Damn, man, I thought, hope these trees are wrong. By all weather logic that’s been established, the trees should be wrong, but you know how the weather can go these days. Walking in my shorts — for I dressed as an optimist — the breezes darting up my legs to my nether regions made me shiver.
Today, though, the trees are whispering, “Summer is coming.” Smelling grass that reminds me of fresh cut watermelon, I feel relieved by the warm breeze and sunshine that kisses me. Today, I’m looking forward to summer while hoping it doesn’t grow into the smokey, hot oppression of the last several years.
Today, I’m hopeful.
Wednesday’s Bumper Sticker
Pithy, but I can’t argue against the point.
On This Day
I was looking at a “On this day in history” timeline. Joan of Arc executed. Andrew Jackson’s duel. First Indy 500. Babe Ruth’s last baseball game.
Seems like May 30th is a good day to make history. Carpe diem.
Bot-tender
I followed my robot vacuum around today. Using it for spot-cleaning, I’d move it, turn it on, and then stand over it like a football coach on OTAs. “Move left,” I’d tell it. “Get that fur. Come on, pick it up, pick it up. That’s it. Good job.”
Doing this presented me with a feeling that I was cleaning, but I also felt empowered. I controlled the bot.
Maybe, too, I was seeing the future. Robots and automation are taking over more jobs each day, with plans for greater shifts on the near-horizon. But bots and automation might require intervention and guidance, as my Roomba does. We may have a new job category opening, bot-tender.
It could be the hot new thing, but I don’t think it’ll pay much.
Bless You
Where does everyone stand on blessing people when they sneeze? I mean, I say, “Excuse me,” when I sneeze. I notice many people don’t. I tell others, “Bless you,” when I’m near someone who sneezes, even though I’m agnostic, with tendencies that slide toward being an atheist. It’s something mom taught me to do. It was considered polite. That training, though, was almost sixty years ago. She could have been conning me, for all that I know. I was young and just learning the language.
Also, if someone is wearing headphones and can’t hear you, should you still say, “Bless you?”
Should I just drop the whole thing because it’s an outdated custom?
Flooflop
Flooflop (catfinition) – a gallop cats employ while racing around the house; a stop, stretch and roll motion cats use to get humans to pet them.
In use: “The thundering noise was like a herd of miniature buffalo stampeding through the house, instead of an eight-pound cat flooflopping about.”
The Story Left Behind
I’d been watching him because of his motionless manner of waiting. Dressed in jeans and a long sleeved gingham shirt, he stood straight, feet apart, clutching his box. Others fiddled, fidgeted, looked around, and shifted. Some checked phones. Besides that, the other eight people in the post office line were women. He and I were the only men.
He looked about my age, and had short grey hair, but I didn’t know him. Equal parts of bewilderment and resignation seemed poured into the man.
“Next,” the clerk said.
The man walked up to the counter and put his large box onto it. The box didn’t seem to weigh much. As the clerk slid the box onto the scale, the man said in a loud voice, “There are eleven items in this box. Nine of them are glass bottles or jars. There are jams and jellies, pancake syrup, blueberry infused balsamic vinegar, and olive oil. All of those can break. I think the only things that can’t break are the Branson Chocolates and the pancake mix. It’s a thank you gift for my brother. We stayed at his house last week. My wife picked everything out. She said he’d like them. I guess I believe her.”
The postal clerk said, “Is there any alcohol, flammable materials, lithium batteries, or hazardous materials?”
“No.”
“Do you want it insured?”
“Yes, I was told to insure it and get a tracking number.”
“How much do you want to insure it for?”
“Fifty dollars.”
The clerk pressed buttons and applied labels. “Thirty-one ninety-five.”
The man paid.
“Have a good weekend,” the men said to each other as the postal clerk handed the other a receipt.
Nodding, the man folded the receipt, slipped it into a pocket, and walked out with equal parts of bewilderment and resignation, leaving me to wonder about the story he was leaving behind.
Conversation
Do you ever have an imaginary conversation with someone else, and their imagined responses convince you that they’re right, so you do something different than what you planned?
Yes, this includes imaginary conversations with animals.
Habit
Have you ever reached up with a finger to shove your eye-glasses back, only to find that you’re not wearing them, and almost poke yourself in the eye? Then you look around to see if anyone witnessed this behavior.
Not that I’ve ever done it. Just wondering.
