Past Perfect Me

Awakening to light, slowly mobilizing brain cells and muscles to enjoin the day, I sensed something different. The sense catalyzed my awakening, catapulting me into a full upright position.

This was not my room.

But it was my room from…when?

Rock groups, astronomy, and Formula 1 racing posters, blue bedspread, simple small room layout were absorbed, an answer gained: this was my room when I was seventeen.

I was in my bedroom from when I was seventeen. I had to be dreaming.

Almost as I went through this, I heard a voice inside me saying something similar. As I endured my shocked understanding, I stood.

Almost as I went through this, I heard a voice saying something. Freaked out, I stood up. “Who are you?” I asked in my head.

Then I did something I never thought I’d do. I asked a voice in my head to identify itself.

They seemed to be doing the same.

They seemed more panicked. And younger. So I took the initiative. “My name is Marshall Chamberlain,” I said in a calm voice. “What’s your name?”

“That’s my name, too. Marshall Chamberlain. I’m Marshall Chamberlain.”

Although I’d almost expected it, my throat dried as realizations took over. I couldn’t accept them but logic forced me to say things, searching for truth and understanding. “I’m in my bedroom from when I was seventeen, living in Pennsylvania with my father. Do you know where you are?”

I turned and looked into the dresser mirror as I spoke, staring at my young, skinny self. Thin dark mustache and goatee, thick, brown curly hair, unibrow, muscles.

“No. I’m…I’m in a bedroom.”

I took a tight grip on my sanity. It was like one of those crazy movies where a parent and child have switched places, except I’d been switched with myself. I was back in time, as had happened to Kathleen Turner’s character in Peggy Sue Got Married, except I’d also gone forward as a youth to my present existence, and we could hear one another.

“Tell me what it’s like. Is it big? Blue walls? Light-colored carpet, king-sized bed? Sliding doors to a patio, and a large bathroom with two sinks, a garden tub, sauna, and shower?”

“No. It’s…no, I don’t know.”

“Is it a nice, airy room with large windows, French doors leading to a balcony? Can you see a big body of water?”

Shock rattled me. A third voice. “Who?”

I was thinking fast, realizing as he spoke, thinking it as he spoke, as the young me also thought it, “We’re all past, present, and future. We all have a past while we live in the past, and have a future waiting to be lived.”

Then the ‘old one’ from my future said, “This could go very good, or very bad. I don’t remember anything like this happening to me when I was young. I think I would have.”

A younger voice asked, “What’s going on,” as another said, “I remember this room.”

Several of us thought, past, present, future, past, present, future. It’s not static but dynamic. The future almost immediately becomes the present and then moves on to the past.

“I hope this doesn’t spiral out of control,” most of I said. Sounded like seven, eight voices.

With a common thought, we all caught our breath and waited.

Twins

After leaving the garage, he looked down the street. There, in the middle, was a doe with her twin fawns. Appearing almost brand new, they were adorable. He called his wife out so she could see. Watching together as the doe and her fawns came up the street — mama walking slow, the fawns galloping in spurts — they wondered if she was the same doe who’d been hanging around their yard.

After the family disappeared behind the neighbor’s house across the street, he left in his car. Arriving at a stop light, he saw a mother with her twins on a bicycle. Wearing helmets, blond curls sticking out, the twins looked like they were about two years old, tiny perfect human replicas.

It was a good day for twins. It felt like the world was making a statement. As often with the world’s statements, he just wasn’t certain what the statement was.

Thursday’s Theme Music

Summer’s prelude to summer in Ashlandia has settled into a new weather routine. Blue sky. Plentiful sunshine. Cool, 50s to 60s F, in the morning. Rising to high 70s, low 80s by mid-afternoon. Roll in some clouds. Cue the thunder. Spark some lightning. Now, turn on the rain. Repeat for a few hours.

This is Thursday, June 8, 2023. Yesterday afternoon and evening on the storms squatting on Ashlandia. The climax was a twenty minute deluge of big drops, dense, falling fast and hard. What’s striking about all this lightning (couldn’t resist), thunder, and rain is that it’s so rare for Ashlandia, especially of this intensity, duration, and repetition. But it’s been a growing trend in the last several years. It could be part of a larger cycle and we all just don’t live long enough to experience it, so it strikes us as odd. But it’s also a continuation of an odd weather year.

The cats aren’t pleased. The weather even brought Tucker in, who is usually indifferent to these things. Papi, though, decided the best place to be was with us in a lit room, awakening, waiting, ready to run, and willing to be comforted. Tucker decided that he’d be wherever Papi was.

We’re seeing a lot of deer on our street this week. Two bucks strolling up the street the other evening. Three or four deer — or maybe the same few again and again — wandering around our house and across the street at the neighbors. Well, no recent cougar sightings in our vicinity, so maybe that has something to do with it.

I stood in the front doorway last night, protected by the porch, to watch the rain. Not just watch, but breathe in the fresh petrichor, and enjoy the sounds. Lightning frequently flashed to enliven the experience. As I stood there, The Neurons fired up a 1981 song by The Rolling Stones, “Waiting On A Friend”. Song is still in the morning mental music stream. The Neurons made a good choice. The storm broke me out of my normal routines. The smells and sounds also made me nostalgic for similar times experienced around the world from different phases of life where I was waiting for a friend to arrive as part of our plans to go off somewhere.

Stay positive, and enjoy Thursday as only you can. I have coffee, so I’m pleased for the moment, sipping hot brew, windows breathing in cool air on my back, sunshine slinking around the house, cats wandering in and out to give news updates. Here’s the tune. Love the video’s end, when the band gets up to play in that tiny, tiny space. Cheers

Lost Button

Where is my button?

I can’t find it now.

Don’t know where to eat, what to eat,

And I’m beginning to forget how.

Where is my button?

How do I get through the day?

What will I do when others come around,

Asking me to play?

Without my button, I don’t know where to go,

I have nothing smart to say.

Oh, where is my button?

How did I lose it this way?

People say they never used to have them,

But that cannot be true.

How did they know how to dress,

How to act, what to learn,

Without a button to show the truth?

Oh, where is my button?

It’s driving me insane.

How can I be me, without my button to say?

Wednesday’s Wandering Thoughts

He had a dream that he was going in the right direction. It didn’t feel like the right direction today. Maybe the dream was wrong. Or maybe going in the right direction was going to be harder than expected.

Saturday’s Wandering Thoughts

He likes to be on the edge. Not on the edge of his seat, nor the edge or insanity, or the edge of disaster. He likes sitting in a chair that’s on the edge of crowds, restaurants, coffee houses, and other venues. Likewise, he prefers to stand on an edge’s crowd. It can be the front edge, although he’s more comfortable with no one behind him but wall.

That’s the thing. It’s about comfort. There’s no logic or emotion associated with his choice. He’s just more comfortable on the edge, the fringe, even. Just how he is and has always been.

Thursday’s Wandering Thoughts

Alexa said, “Your cat, Papi, is at the front door asking to enter the house.” He answered, “Open the door and let Papi in, please.”

“Letting Papi in,” Alexa replied.

It’s really the best thing that Alexa does for him.

And then he woke up.

Learning

One of the finest aspects of having a partner is the impact it has on learning and memory. In my case, this spot is filled with my wife, a woman. She’s smart, reads many books, and researches matters. Most of which she researches involves women rights, social justice, and health. She shares all that she learns with me, often piquing my interest to go read more on the subject. Not infrequently, some of what she teaches me ends up in some character in a story. For instance, she taught me two things today.

  1. Men have more collagen and thicker skin than women, in general.
  2. Women donate more kidneys but receive fewer kidney donations. When you think about it, it kinda makes sense. If men are having kidney problems, they can’t donate them. So the next step would be to look for information to vet that.

We also act as memory augmentation for one another, covering the other’s weakness. She’s great with social memes, voices, faces, poetry, cooking and baking. I’m passable with math, science, history, pop culture, and technology. It works.

I think it’d work for most, regardless of gender or pronoun, sexual orientation, and maybe even political persuasion. Everyone should at least should not have the right to try taken away from them. Who knows what we all could learn?

Saturday’s Theme Music

Rain! Rain for sale, precious rain available. Come on and all, get your rain whilst it lasts. Will trade rain for sunshine.

It’s Saturday, May 6, 2023. The clouds have overtaken Saturday as the sun shows reluctance to be here. The sun is all like, “I was just in Ashlandia a few days ago.”

Sunrise was about six hours after midnight. Dawn began an hour before, I saw as Papi changed locations from inside to out again. Sunset is after twenty hundred hours. We’re seeing 46 F with our rain right now, little wind, with an expected peak temperature of 53 F. A sort of dreary day out there.

It’s been announced that the COVID-19 pandemic health emergency will end May 11 in the US. Don’t know if parties are being planned. We’ll probably continue wearing our masks in grocery stores for a little longer. Play it by ear, see what happens.

Love that expression, play it by ear.

The weather and morning’s general feel brought The Neurons to the song, “Comfortably Numb” by Pink Floyd. A personal fave, it’s found itself in the morning mental music stream. A net search brought up a gem of a recording from Remember That Night from 2006. David Gilmour, PF guitarist and vocalist, was doing a solid act, but with several members of the Pink Floyd team, including one of the founding members, Richard Wright. Guest starring as a vocalist for “Comfortably Numb” was David Bowie. It’s a terrific and well-executed guitar solo which steals the show, though.

Stay pos. Coffee up and get it on. If it helps, play “Get It On” by T-Rex. Here’s the theme music. Cheers

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