Don’t mind me. I’m just going through a mid-life crisis. Started when I turned 40.
I’ll be 70 in a few months.
Should get over it shortly after that.
I think.
Sunday’s Theme Music – Days like this
Ashland, southern Oregon — Sunday, May 10, 2026.
Happy Mother’s Day to the mothers in the United States. Oh, what the heck, make it to the mothers of the world, no matter your religion, nationality, or species.
It’s 65 F in Ashland with light clouds mildly blocking the sunshine. Our high will hit the upper 70s, giving us pleasant holiday weather.
I’d written a post earlier. Edge crashed, taking the post with it. WordPress hadn’t ‘autosaved’ it, so there was nothing to show that I’d been typing and thinking. Foolishly, I hadn’t saved it myself.
After that, I decided, I’m taking a hiatus from thinking about the news today and commenting on it. Do a MDB: Mother’s Day Blackout.
That’s when the 1995 Van Morrison song entered the morning mental music stream. I retired from the US Air Force in ’95. I heard this song on the radio in one of the first few days of life after wearing a military uniform for twenty years.
I wasn’t employed for the first time since 1974. Wasn’t really looking yet, either; I had my retirement pension. My wife was getting antsy, though. Still, I’d decided to take time off for myself. There would be other days for work.
That happened in early November. By December, I was employed and was fortunate to remain employed for another twenty years.
Today has a similar vibe to my memory of that 1995 day. Look at how over thirty years have passed, and here I sit, feeling like I’m at another threshold. Then again, every day is another threshold.
Remembered Lyrics
When you don’t need to worry there’ll be days like this
When no one’s in a hurry there’ll be days like this
When you don’t get betrayed by that old Judas kiss
Oh my mama told me there’ll be days like this
When you don’t need an answer there’ll be days like this
When you don’t meet a chancer there’ll be days like this
When all the parts of the puzzle start to look like they fit
Then I must remember there’ll be days like this
Hope your Mother’s Day is a good day for you and yours, no matter your sex, gender, whatever. Just celebrate the day, rejoice in what is, and make something to build in.
Coffee is here. Cheers
Another Travel Dream
My dream was very busy and energetic. Going on a trip. Taking my wife. Packing, organizing, making arrangements. Very excited. Looking forward to it. On top of everything. All was going smoothly.
I sat back to wait for the journey to begin, pleased that I was ready.
Then –
Awakening, I bolted upright. Looked frantically around. OMG, what time is it?
I didn’t set the alarm!
What time am I supposed to leave?
Whoa, whoa, slow down, buttercup. That was a dream.
It was? It was so real and vivid.
Yes, but it was a dream.
You’re right.
It was a dream.
Friday’s Theme Music — All About Him
Ashland, southern Oregon — Friday, May 8, 2026.
Friday, we wear purple.
Thin white clouds marble a bright blue sky. 56 now, a high of 78 F is expected. Sunshine washes the greenery with bright, warm light. Papi says, “This is perfect weather. Don’t change it.”
The jobs report for April came out. I wasn’t surprised that more jobs than expected were added.
It wasn’t much: 115,000. Jobless claims held steady, 4.3%. The jobs growth saw a surprise increase in “messengers and couriers” of 38,000 jobs.
Healthcare added nearly 54,000 jobs. Again, not a surprise, because healthcare laid off 108k in January. Hospitals are closing in rural areas, and rebalancing is underway as the healthcare industry copes with Medicaid, Medicare, and private insurance changes.
May will be an interesting month for the jobs report, and travel, hospitality, and tourism industries. Gas prices are up over 50% since Operation Epic LOOK — SQUIRREL! initiated war in Iran in February 2024. The national average is now around $4.53 per gallon.
Trump may not care but Americans who aren’t wealthy are worried. “The University of Michigan’s Consumer Sentiment Index dropped to a record low of 48.2 in early May 2026, missing market expectations of 49.5 and falling below April’s 49.8.”
Sure, Trump doesn’t care. Make a promise — “No new wars” — break a promise.
That’s him. Just like Trump’s Epstein ballroom. ‘Americans won’t pay anything for it.’ Sure. Now, we’ll just pay a $1,000,000,000. Or more.
We’re feeling the economy in my region. Southern Oregon University (SOU) is in a slow collapse; Assante is in decline, taking the regional healthcare system down; the City of Ashland is mired in financial struggles.
With SOU cutting back, music programs and activities are in danger of disappearing. Parks and Rec has been forced to cut back. Meanwhile, we’re holding our breath to see what happens with tourism, OSF, wildfires, and drought — along with rising gas, energy, and insurance prices.
What’s of more interest to me at this point: is how many other regions in the US are being affected in like ways?
Today’s music is brought to you by The Kinks. The song is “He’s Evil”. I first heard it when I was in high school.
It’s in the morning mental music stream today because, Trump.
Lyrics:
He comes on smooth, cool, and kind
But he wants your body, not your mind
He’s got style, personality
But he’s the devil in reality
He’ll make you laugh, make you smile
And make you feel good for a while
Wicked smile, decadent grin
He likes school girls, nuns, and virgins
His skin is soft but his mind is hard
He’ll lead you on and then he’ll tear you apart
He’ll treat you rough and he will make you cry
And you will kiss sweet innocence goodbye
And once you’re in, there’ll be no getting out
So look out, look out, look out
Look out, look out, look out
He’s evil, he’s evil, he’s evil, he’s evil, he’s evil
He’s evil, he’s evil, he’s evil, he’s evil, he’s evil
Hope you have an evil-free day, full of grace and peace.
Got my coffee. Time to rock.
Cheers
The Chrome Car Dream
I had a dream which I can’t quite remember.
It involved a chrome sports car. The fragments I remember include a young me looking at the car. The car was very low and slick, chromium, more like a toy from Mattel’s Hot Wheels collection than a ‘real’ car.
In some scenes, I was designing it. Other times, I was making yet I also remember it being given to me, and I remember getting ready to drive it.
Throughout this, the background is dark, like a starless, moonless night.
My Situation
I officially have bladder cancer.
This started as blood in my urine a few months back. A CT Scan with contrast showed a lump in my bladder. I went to have a cystoscopy yesterday.
That was an interesting appointment. A med tech, Chris, did the standard intake to update my records. Then he explained that they didn’t have the cystoscopy equipment.
Whaaaat?
It was going to arrive later that day. So I could come back…
Chris left. Ten minutes later, the doctor entered the room.
She did a double take: like, why wasn’t I gowned and in the chair? Pretty funny expression, very human.
Then she sat and we talked. I explained to her that Chris said that the cystoscopy equipment wasn’t there. Oh, the doctor realized she’d misunderstood the staff that morning. She thought they were telling her more equipment was arriving.
She left. I went out to talk to Chris about the situation. Another tech hung up her phone and announced that the equipment was at the hospital warehouse. She was going to race over and pick it up.
Okay. I stayed and waited.
“This might pinch,” Chris said twenty minutes later.
I was naked from the waist down on the chair. Reclined, a flimsy paper sheet covering me. Until Chris uncovered me and injected lidocaine up my urethra.
Pinch? No, it stung in a big way.
That was just the beginning.
The doctor came in. Lubed up her camera. Inserted it into my urethra. She and I watched on a monitor as the camera went up my urethra.
“Arrgh.” I arched up in pain.
She nodded. “Yes, your urethra narrows a lot here. Did you have a Foley catheter before?”
“Yes. Twice.”
“That explains it. Okay, I’m in the bladder. There’s the tumor. Yes, cancer. See it? Looks like a small coral reef on your bladder wall.”
A three cm posterior bladder tumor.
She pulled the camera out. Explained next steps. Surgery in six to eight weeks. I’d be sedated. She’d put a tube up my urethra and then scoop the cancer out. TURBT (transurethral resection of bladder tumor), gemcitabine.
Referral to another doctor for PCNL – Percutaneous Nephrolithotomy – to remove the 1.4 cm stone in my right kidney.
I’ll let you know how it all goes.
Thoughts From the Bottom
The birth center
Closes
But
It’s alright
Price of beef is
Out of sight
Gas is higher than
We ever thought
Normal
But we’ll be alright
Cause
We got streams
And games
And color
TV
Things like virtual
Reality
Artificial
Dreams
It’s a blast
It’s a scene
Get the highest score
Be
Number
One
Game might be over
But your day
Just
Begun
The Lost Jacket: A Dream
Dreamed I was traveling but also that I’d arrived somewhere. It was both familiar but different. I was then again in the military. Several sisters and Mom traveled with me, yet I arrived before them so that I was there to greet them when they arrived.
I put them up in a room and then told them, “I have to go work. I’ll be back and then we’ll go out.” I also suggested to them that maybe they could come see where I work.
In parallel, I’d been out walking around. I took off my jacket: this was a brown leather ‘flight’ jacket. I’d left my money and my wallet with my ID in it.
I suddenly remembered, oh, no – I forgot about that.
I rushed back to get the jacket.
Gone!
I was frantic with worry. What am I going to do?
Casual friends who used to be co-workers arrived. One, a big guy, younger than me, said, “Hey we found this. Thought you might need it.” He gave me my brown leather jacket.
I was relieved but worried, and reached into the pockets.
Empty.
He then held up my wallet.
Relief rushed me.
Then he held up my folded cash in his other hand. “This was in your pocket, too.”
I thanked him, then hugged him, saying, “You are a true friend.”
Dream end.
Mailing the Card
Mother’s Day is upon us in the US again.
It’s tougher for me this year. A year ago, Mom and Frank, her live-in partner, were residing together at Mom’s house. All of that has changed.
I bought Mom flowers on line a few days ago and scheduled their delivery. Bought her a card, wrote a note, and mailed it. Provided her with a gift card to help with her expenses.
I was thinking, though, how very difficult the time is for my younger sisters. They live not far from Mom. Mothers themselves, it used to be their practice to take Mom to a local restaurant for a Mother’s Day buffet brunch.
Mom loved those times out, raving to me about the food and how nice it was to be with her daughters and their families, to be out at a restaurant with everyone, to see other people.
Change is change. We all do what we can to mitigate its impact. Some things remain out of reach.
Sorry, don’t mean to be a downer. I know that I follow in the steps of many others who have walked this path. In the end, my family has many good memories of this holiday. There are others who never managed to find that level of joy and happiness.
Bottom line for myself: accept the blessings. Reflect on the past.
But let go.
I hope you can balance your memories and changes with the day. If you’re fortunate enough that you and your mom are together and can celebrate the day, I hope you build something wonderful to remember.
Cheers
Michael Seidel, writer 