Category: memories

Today’s Theme Music

Weird dream last night, featuring ear wax. Ear wax! I was so thrilled that this ear wax came out of my ear, like a quarter teaspoon of ear wax. The way I acted in the dream, excited and pleased, it was like I’d found a bonanza. And my friends and family with me were also very excited, gathering around to look huddle and wonder with hope, “Is there more in there?”

Oddly, too, the dream, or circumstances, lead me to awaken with a song in the mental iPod. It’s a song that means little to me, so I pulled it up, looking for connections to my earwax dream or my life. Found nothing. I blame the song’s presence in my head to serendipity. Between the song and the ear wax, it’s a strange morning.

But in thinking about that song and the dream and their connections with my life, another song arose in the playlist. I like it better, so here it is.

Say hello to John Lennon and the Plastic Ono Band presenting ‘Instant Karma’ in 1970. It’s a song I sometimes hold onto as a hope and a wish when I see people mistreating, killing, abusing and cheating others.

Oh, but to dream.

 

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Today’s Theme Music

I’ve decided it’s time to upgrade. In accordance with that decision, I’ve replaced my mental jukebox with a mental iPod. Yes, I’ve gone digital.

That required me to transfer all my music from the old jukebox to the iPod. That required a lot of time. Although the mental jukebox was old, it still performed pretty well, only occasionally not playing something correctly. It was pretty full, though. Mom loves music and so does my older sis. The two were feeding me songs from the beginning. They influenced me to continue the pursuit of listening to music throughout my life.

This might have a tangible effect on these posts. I may end up repeating some songs and memories. Sorry about that. These things sometimes happen during upgrades.

The song chosen today was influenced by that realization. It also features a performer who’s had a long, impressive career. This selection strikes me as apropos for these backslide sidestep shuffle politics that seem to be permeating global legislatures. I know you’re reading with bated breath and asking, Seidel, what’s the song already?

I’ll tease you no longer.

Well, maybe one more paragraph. This song was enjoyed while I was living in Mountain View, California, commuting to work at PAS in Palo Alto for my first employment after retiring from the Air Force. I retired in November, 1995, and started working for them in December, 1995.

Here it is, then, from 1998, Shirley Bassey and the Propellerheads with ‘History Repeating’. 

 

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Today’s Theme Music

My CD collection is a decent size. It’s amusing to talk about these things in the days of iPods and streaming music via iPhones and smartphones. I have two CD players; one is a Sony turntable style that houses two hundred CDs. It’s full. It plugs into a six CD Bose speaker that’s part of my home theater. Then I have another couple hundred CDs stacked and shelved inside the cabinets. The CDs replaced the cassettes, eight tracks, reels, and thirty-three and forty-five RPM records. Being an organized person, the CD collection on the is alphabetized, although blues, Christmas and symphony collections have their own sections. I have a print out of an Excel spreadsheet that tells me where a particular CD is located in the Sony turntable.

Today’s music comes from an album over thirty years old. It came out while I was stationed in Europe. I developed an immediate and long-lasting infatuation with it. It ended up joining albums from Who, Pink Floyd, Rolling Stones, Stevie Wonder and Bob Dylan, among many others, as one I can listen to again and again. It’s part of the Sony CD turntable. It’s CD number 98, part of section four. The album is not for everyone but that’s the nature of music, isn’t it? One person’s joy revolts and disgusts another.

Here is ‘Where the Streets Have No Name’, from ‘The Joshua Tree’ album by U2, 1987.

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Today’s Theme Music

Today’s song is another one of those heard while racing around the SF Bay area on the work-shop-errands-eat-sleep-repeat treadmill. Interested in words and unfamiliar with the artist, I kept listening for it and searching for information about her. Of course, this was around 2005. Google and other search engines were strong. They were less about shopping and marketing and more about getting information back then.

I’d already learned the singer-songwriter was Scottish and that this was her debut. Eventually, I found more about the lyrics and then discovered her comments about them.

She said, “’Black Horse’ is inspired by old blues, Nashville psycho hillbillies & hazy memories,” says KT. “It tells the story of finding yourself lost on your path, and a choice has to be made. It’s about gambling, fate, listening to your heart, and having the strength to fight the darkness that’s always willing to carry you off.”

Ah. I get that from the song. Hope you do, too. Here is KT Tunstall with ‘Black Horse & the Cherry Tree’. 

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Today’s Theme Music

As with many things, I blame Mom.

Actually, I’m embellishing that. I blame Mom for my love of reading, learning, walking and eating, so it’s actually a short list. I do blame her for some of the music I know, too. Blame isn’t the correct word, of course; I credit her.

Staying with a walking theme for my theme music, I recall one song that I sang when I was younger. By Roger Miller, it must have seemed odd to anyone noticing that a ten to twelve year old was walking, snapping his fingers and singing, ‘King of the Road’. I know Mom had this album; I vividly recall its cover. But more, I saw him perform this song on television. I have no idea what show or what year it was, but I remember it. Of course, I have an active imagination, so perhaps I just imagined it.

Anyway, from 1965, Roger Miller and ‘King of the Road’. 

 

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The Question

The Question has arisen, raised by my wife.

It was innocent enough, oh, it’s always innocent enough. But knowing her…I was expecting, even anticipating, The Question.

It came today after I put on my coat. I call it vintage. She, however, said, “Honestly, honey, I know you love that coat, but don’t you think you should give it to charity? It’s worn and faded. You’ve had it for twenty-five years.”

Old and faded? “No, I love it.” And she was exaggerating. “For your information, I’ve only had it twenty-two years. I bought it on sale at Macy’s in the Sunnyvale Town Center when we were stationed at Onizuka in 1994.”

“Okay, twenty-two years. It’s still really faded.”

“Its worn fabric provides it with vintage character.”

Her eyebrows went up as she broke into a questioning grin. “Vintage character?”

“Yes.”

I stand by my declaration. I don’t plan to give it up. I don’t easily give up my goods. Underwear, sweatshirts, shoes, shirts, coats, pants, I wear them until  they’re clearly too small or begin disintegrating.

And I’m serious: they disintegrate. I was once wearing a pair of shorts, put something in my pocket, and torn the pocket. The cloth just ripped. I was so depressed. I’d only had the shorts twelve years. I looked for replacement shorts but never found a pair just like them.

My wife is clearly the arbiter of these matters for me. Not too long ago, she held up a pair of boxer shorts and sniffed. “Do you really want to keep these?”

I was affronted. “What’s wrong with them?”

“Really? The colors are faded, the elastic band just came off in my hands, the seam is coming apart at the crotch, and you have a hole in the rear.” She held them up higher. “They’re so worn, I can see through them. They’re like sheer curtains.”

I doubted her. I’d just worn those boxers in the last several days. “Let me see.”

She was absolutely correct, of course. All those small details she’d noticed about these old Hanes boxer shorts were true. (I believe they’re Hanes, but the label was gone.)  I’d noticed them, as well. I knew that these boxers would start dropping down my legs when I walked after I put them on. I laughed every time I saw their dilapidated condition.

I sighed, cringed and swallowed, bracing myself to issue the answer to The Question: “Yes, you can throw them away.”

Grabbing them from my hand, she hustled away. “I’m going to get rid of these now, before you change your mind.”

She didn’t even give me time to say good-bye.

This is not an economic practice on my part. Nor is that I love these things. They’re familiar and comfortable, like an enjoyable book, a favorite food or wonderful friends. These things are woven into my fabric of my memories and the essence of my being. I like remembering the past, not to hold onto it, but to understand it and myself, and measure the future. It’s only by looking at the past and understanding what didn’t go as planned that I can change things so they’ll be better in the future.

Elaborate rationalization? Sure, it could be. These goods I don’t give up might just be emotional crutches to remind me of glory days and better times. It could be that what you’re thinking and what I’m claiming are all correct, that it’s necessary to hold these competing ideas in our minds and accept, both are right.

All I know is, this was but round one. The Question will arise again.

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Today’s Theme Music

This is another old favorite, one learned on transistor radios playing music on the AM band. I enjoy walking and walked often and frequently. My walking prowess is credited (or blamed) on my Mom. “You have two legs, use them.” So I did.

Along the way, as I grew older and walked further, I developed a fondness for songs about walking and distances. Now, when I drive long distances, these songs come up. It’s all about the journey and getting there, for me. This irks my wife; she wants to stop and enjoy the views. I working on doing that more but walking (or driving) and getting there is starched into the fabric of my being. Removing or diluting that starch is work. It requires a mindfulness of what I’m doing to replace a deeply felt habit of what I always do.

Anyway, here it is, Edwin Starr (a favorite performer), with ‘Twenty-five Miles’, from 1968. It’s a good song to sing to yourself as you’re walking around, counting down the miles.

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Today’s Theme Music

I was just nine years old when this song came out. I learned it from my Mom’s albums, but it was an AM pop station mainstay for years and then became a ‘golden oldie’ on FM radio.

This video is fun. It’s a television recording from the mid 1960s. That allows us to experience some modern twin developments defining themselves: pop music and TV. I like the hair, the matching little outfits, and the spartan stage.

Here’s ‘Let’s Hang On!’ by The Four Seasons, 1965. Sing along. The words are easy to learn.

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A Year

It’s been a year since I collected my last IBM paycheck.

I expected a lot of changes in that year. I’ve been disappointed.

One bitter reason for wanting to leave IBM was my unhappiness of how callously we were treated as individuals. That’s my perception. Others may not share it. The work had become routine and boring. I was rarely engaged, and my circle of involvement seemed to be shrinking. So, I was receiving less validation that I was worthwhile to the company or that anyone there appreciated my work or efforts. Hence, I wanted to leave. When they offered me the choice, I took it.

Yet, being freed from employment didn’t do anything to enhance my sense of validation. If anything, the solitary habits I employ and my social awkwardness remain, so I’m just as out there on my own now as I was when I was employed, and experience even less evaluation. It’s tested my strength and determination.

I thought my writing career would take off. It hasn’t. I didn’t appreciate the hard work required to not just prepare a book to publish but also to market. I naively thought, “If I write it, they will come.”

My year of being unemployed, the first since I was seventeen, taught me how much I require structure, goals and a vision to keep me moving forward. I’ve been forced to re-evaluate what I’d established in the past that helped me succeed, and create new structures, goals and a vision. That’s all still in progress. I also needed to educate myself more about the writing business, something also underway. Frankly, it’s wearying.

In thinking about all of this, I resolved, “I will do better.” It’s a big poster in my mind, glowing at me all the time. “I will do better.”

Today’s writing session is finished. I only wrote about fifteen hundred words and edited some. The novel is becoming hugely busy. I reached the point that I felt like a puppet master getting entangled in his puppets’ strings. Pacing across the coffee shop with impatience and frustration, I gazed out the window and recognized, I need to stop today. Regroup and marshal my energies and intentions to proceed. It’s a complex novel, with complicated plots and societies, set in the future, with unique words, and yada, yada, yada.

Those of you who write will totally understand.

 

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