Sunday’s Wandering Thought

He was at a coffee shop yesterday. Three women came in and rearranged a section of furniture. They didn’t put it back when they left. He wondered, though, is it their job to put it back?

Of course not. But it seemed like it’d be courteous to the staff and other patrons. It’s what he would do. But is there a ‘right and wrong’ in this?

Not really. It’s furniture in a coffee shop. It’s there for people’s use and comfort, right? Sure. It just annoys him when people don’t put things back, whether it’s shopping carts or tables and chairs in a coffee shop.

It’s just one of his foibles.

Floofee Break

Floofee Break (floofinition) – A short break to visit with an animal.

In use: “After doing chores, a floofee break with the cat and dog always restored Marc’s spirits. Sometimes he’d take two or three floofbreaks a day. Rainy days could tun into a day-long floofee break.”

Friday’s Wandering Thought

He knew a brief history of pants and also read about plural tantum, but it still bothered him to hear underwear referred to ‘a pair of underwear’ or ask for ‘a pair of pants’. He had no problem with a pair of glasses although a pair of scissors irked him. For his own use, he’d quit referring to a ‘pair’ of any of these things.

He was just trying to pare things down to make life simpler.

A Shambolic Dream

Arriving somewhere outside, I was met by a man I knew. I’d worked with him at a startup after my military career. Now he was dressed as a light colonel. Greeting me and my wife, he said, thumb over shoulder to indicate direction, “Come on over here and join us. We’re going to review your records.”

So first, I acted like that was completely and totally normal. I said to my wife, “Oh, I guess I’m in the military.” She agreed and went off to do something while I went through my review.

Several problems immediately presented. One, no uniform. Two, haircut out of regs. So was the mustache. Three, I needed to get my records.

My records were to have been pulled and sent over for the review. I was directed over to an area where a table was set up like it was in a record store, but this was all outside under a sunny early autumn day. People were milling, going through the sectioned records, searching for their records. Someone offered to help me. As I went through them, I found my records and so announced. But wait; those weren’t my records. The first and last names were correct, but the middle name was wrong. On, no, they’d sent over the wrong records.

As I swore a bit about what had happened, I noticed another table to the left. It wasn’t set up in the same way. I stepped over to it and there were my records.

I rushed them over to the large card table where the review was being conducted. I knew several of those folks from both military and civilian careers. As I came up, I heard one chief master sergeant say, “But that’s how he aways is.” Others agreed.

I was mortified. Were they speaking of me? What did they mean?

They reviewed others’ records. When it came to be my turn, I joked with them and then explained that I was just back, I’d been visiting with my mother, who’d been very sick. They seemed disinterested. They looked through my records and commented on my haircut and lack of uniform. I told them that I was trying to get it together. One said, “Didn’t you come back from being with your mother a few weeks ago?” When I answered yes, he continued, “Then shouldn’t you have it together by now?”

“Yes,” I agreed. “Let me go get my haircut. My wife was just telling me that I needed to get one. And my uniform is in my locker. I’ll get it and put it on.”

I went off, with my wife joining me. We were mumbling to one another about the situation. She had my clothes, having gotten them out of my locker. Great, but they were horribly wrinkled. Where could I iron them or have them pressed? There was no time, no time.

Then, some young airman dressed in a black pseudo-NAZI military uniform insulted my wife. Overhearing it, I was furious. Confronting him, I wanted to hit him but instead warned him that I was taking action against him. Laughing, he told me, “Fuck you.” That pissed me off further. Another person attempted to defend him as the first guy stood there laughing. I told both that I was busting their asses before my wife pulled me away.

Stepping out of the locker area, I put on the wrinkled pants. Others, including the board members, turned and watched. I then tugged on the shirt only to realize that the shirt and pants were from two different uniform combinations and didn’t match. I thought, oh my God, now I’m screwed.

The guy who greeted me at the dream’s beginning came up. He said, “Don’t worry about any of this. We’re cutting you a break.” As I responded with astonished relief, he went on, “They reported that they found a spell on you, a curse. We’ve lifted that, but since you were under it up to this point, we thought we’d give you a pass.”

The dream ended as I was absorbing this.

The Morning Mouse

He has his routines. After eating his wet food and his kibble, he heads for the desk. His guy is seated behind it, on the computer. There, on the right, is the man’s mouse, used for his computer, his hand resting on it. Eyeing it, he walks around the computer to the mouse hand, and puts his nose down and starts rubbing on his human’s hand. He usually only wants about two to three minutes of rubbing on the mouse hand before settling down for a nap, using the mouse hand as a pillow. That rarely works because the hand and mouse moves, eventually causing him to jump down to find another napping location. But all is well.

He’s had his morning mouse. It’ll suffice until after dinner. Then he’ll have his evening mouse.

Tuesday’s Wandering Thought

A bear was spotted crossing Siskiyou Boulevard at 12:45 PM. He then went up Park Street. Naturally, everyone wondered, why did the bear cross the road? Yes, sure, it was to get to the other side, but why?

Floofspeed

Floofspeed (floofinition) – A velocity achieved by animals when they seriously go after something, it’s never been successfully measured but has been estimated to be six billion times the speed of light.

In use: “When he dropped food on the floor, the dog was on it faster than floofspeed, no matter where it was dropped or where the dog was when it was dropped.”

Wednesday’s Wandering Thought

It was mid-afternoon. He was walking fast down a steep street. Cars were parked on either side of the narrow street so when a car came up in the other way, he stepped aside to wait for them to pass.

The car slowed to a crawl.

He wondered if they were turning into a driveway and looked down to see what was happening.

The silver Honda pulled up beside him. A woman he didn’t know stared at him for a second and then powered down the window, laughing as she did. When the window was partly down, she said, “I’m sorry. I thought you were a bear.” Laughing again, he put her window up and went on.

He gazed up the street as the car climbed the hill, wondering, did she say bear?

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