Category: humor

Saturday’s Theme Music

Mood: coffeetermined

Dry, hazy, hot. Not as hot as many U.S. places. Haven’t really checked the rest of the world. I’ve been mired in my American experience.

It’s 83 F in Ashlandia, where the sky is postcard blue and the sun beams down with frying bacon intensity. Gonna get hot today. How hot is questionable; one source said, 99 F. Another gave us a quote of 95 F. Somewhere in the upper nineties is my guess.

Tomorrow will be cooler, they’re saying. Fingers crossed, they’re right. Some are saying, 89 F will crown the temperature. Others declare, 91 F.

I’d love something in the high eighties for a change. I’m working on the side yard. We have a couple raised beds located there but chose not to use them this year, because we had other plans. While I was away in May, this yard grew thick with weeds. Now they’re all straw yellow and ripe fire fuel. I’m trying to remove it all but the heat gets in my way. Also, I grab this stuff and it just breaks away. Getting rid of it is going to be an involved process. I’m considering watering it to green it and then pull it up.

Papi and this jay have something going on. Papi is our ginger blade, a rescue floof abandoned when neighbors moved away. He and they apparently didn’t get along well. He’d started visiting us and socializing. Originally calling him Meep because of the soft sound he made, we started feeding him and giving him shelter when the weather went to shit. Eventually, he was ours and his original folks were gone.

I don’t know what precipitated it, but whenever Papi leaves the house and goes into the backyard, this jay flies over and screeches at him. I mean, it’s relentless. This started several days ago but this morning’s episode seemed more intense. I had the bedroom slider open to let the cool night air in, with the screen closed. Papi came in and ate just before six and went back out, and that jay started up like a frenzied MAGA fan. I could see the bird on our table yelling at Papi. Papi didn’t seem to be doing anything in response.

Anyway, out of that, The Neurons conjured the 1972 song which Billy Paul had a hit with. See, I’d said to myself, Papi and that jay have a thing going on. I guess The Neurons thought that segued well with the song’s lyrics, “We have a thing going on.” So now I have the song playing in the morning mental music stream (Trademark scratched). If you listen to the song as I did, I sang along but subbed the words, “Papi and the jay have a thing going on.” When I sang it to Papi, I swear that he rolled his eyes and walked away.

Stay positive, be strong, lean forward, and Vote Blue in 2024. Coffee is mingling with the tastebuds. Time to jam. Here’s the music. Cheers

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Floofroad

Floofroad (floofinition) – 1. The path taken by an individual to meet an animal, or vice versa. Origins: early 21st century Internet.

In Use: “Mark’s normal floofroad for finding strays is just to open the front door. It’s like, if he opens the door, they will come. And he can never turn any away.”

In Use: “Many people’s floofroad to a new floof addition to their home begins with a visit to an animal shelter, but more frequently in this Internet age, the floofroad begins on social media.”

2. The course an animal takes to get from point to point.

In Use: “Papi’s floofroad is never straightforward, as he engages serpentine routes to go from door to door — except when he’s heading for his food bowl. Then he’s like an arrow shot from a bow.”

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Thursday’s Wandering Thoughts

Every once in a while, a website that I visit will change their layout. WordPress has done it today, forcing me to ‘search’ for the stuff I generally use, adjust to where they put things, and new features. I say ‘search’ like that because I can’t just slide my mouse to its usual position and click. I’m forced instead to use my eyes and scan the page and then employ my brain. It’s difficult. TG for coffee.

Inspired by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, I’ve come up with my five stages of coping with a website redesign.*

Warning: there’s a ton of f*****g cursin’ involved with a website redesign for me because I’m easily irritated and was enlisted in the military for twenty years. Back then, before cell phones and computers, swearing was our primary pastime as we hurried and waited.

  1. Realization. Where is the — what the actual f**k – m*therf****r, they changed the f*****g web page.
  2. Complaining. Jesus, WTF did they do that? Where is – damn it, they changed everything. They f*****g changed it all. Now I have to find my favorite things and the things that I use all over again. Jesus Christ, just what I f*****g needed today.
  3. Promises. I’ll tell you what, if I ever find another f*****g website that works as well as this one does – or did, until they did this s**t – I don’t know how it’ll work with all these god**n changes they’ve made – I will switch so f*****g fast, their f*****g heads will f*****g explode.
  4. Grasping. Okay, wait, here’s what I wanted. A pull-down menu. Well, that’s f*****g stupid. Why the f**k did they put it there? WTF. It was fine right where it f*****g was. There was no f*****g reason at all to move that. What else did they f****g move? S***heads.
  5. Stewing. Okay, I think I can live with this crap and these f****g changes, but I don’t f*****g like it. grumble grumble mutter mutter imprecations

*These stages can also be employed for when a store rearranges its aisles and products, and you rush in to grab the one thing you need and it’s not there because they moved it, forcing you to run around the store in search of.

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Flooven

Flooven (floofinition) – A blend of ‘floof’ and ‘haven’, means a place or space where an animal feels safe and comfortable. Origins: 2023, North America.

In Use: “Cats often enjoy secreting themselves in places where they can’t be found, but Trucker, with his ability to open and close drawers, cupboards, and doors, took it to new levels with floovens throughout the house. Nobody ever knew where they would find him next.”

In Use: “Barney was a large dog, a sweetheart who’d been abused as a puppy, who needed a quiet place as a flooven.”

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Wednesday’s Wandering Thought

Governor Jim Justice said Tuesday night at the Republican National Convention, “The bottom line for why we’re here, the bottom line to every single thing going on in this great country today, is one thing. We become totally unhinged if Donald Trump is not elected in November.”

I think you’re already totally unhinged if that’s your position. I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that others agree. Either way, the thought of the likes of you being totally unhinged is a damn scary idea.

You’re already the flippin’ unhinged MAGA party, home to conspiracy theories, unproven lies, and bizarre ideas.

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Tuesday’s Wandering Thoughts

We went out for breakfast this morning. Over at the next table, we heard a woman rave about what a great choice J.D. Vance was as a veep choice. “He’s so smart,” she enthused.

Sure, smart. I’d say Vance has the morals, ethics, and principles of a snake, but that would be an insult to snakes.

He has the same morals, ethics, and principles of Trump, though. They’re a perfect match and neither can be trusted.

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Pawcity

Pawcity (floofinition) – A small amount of something taken by an animal through the use of a paw. Origins: 1960s New Floof City. Closely related to an English word, paucity.

In Use: “Unseen on a chair, the cat reached up and seized a pawcity of chicken off of Karla’s plate.”

In Use: “Whenever Jim and Greg looked away, their big dog snuck a paw out to steal a pawcity of their food.”

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Saturday’s Wandering Thoughts

I think one thing that can help foster strong long-term relationships is understanding the others’ food preferences and habits, and ensuring they’re taken into consideration. Like, knowing she enjoys the Outshine Tangerine bars, and letting her have four instead of dividing the box equally. Or, for example, knowing that I like pie, and bringing me home a piece just to surprise me.

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