Category: humor

Saturday’s Theme Music

Mood: Sumflective

Good morning, internetters. Welcome to June’s Second Saturday, June 8, 2024. If you’re like us, we celebrate Second Saturday in June. Holiday or not, we start with feeding the cats because the little dears will pester us into surrender. Yes, they have ‘just in case’ kibble in bowls and nevermind that they didn’t eat all of the previous tinned food in bowls. The tinned food bowls are cleaned and fresh stuff is spooned in for their dining pleasure.

Once we’ve taken care of the floofs, the real festivities begin. We start with coffee. While that’s soaking my system, I make my breakfast because my wife doesn’t eat breakfast for several more hours. Next, I dress. Sometimes a load of washing clothes is started for Second Saturday. The floor was vacuumed for First Friday, so no need for that today. We just go around picking up leaves and sticks floofs carried in for us, along with food they somehow transported around the house from their eating areas, along with fur and hair they’ve dropped along the way. Next, our family traditionally gets on the computer to get a Second Saturday news update, you know, see who died, who has gone to war, who has been convicted, and what new natural disasters have struck. Then we’re free to celebrate Second Saturday by washing the car and running errands. It’s a joyous day.

This Second Saturday is also the Green Bag pickup, so our bag full of supplies for the local food bank is on the porch, awaiting pickup by volunteers who transport it to the sorting and distribution center.

Our sprummery weather continues. It’s 67 F now, up from our 56 F starting point but eighteen degrees below our expected high in Ashlandia, where the creeks and rivers are flowing and full — for the moment. Sunlight is missing kissing some clouds rear end, but a friendly cool breeze is circulating, placating the likes of me. I enjoy a cool sunny morning so long as it’s not too cool. This day is just right.

I have two net friends who had floofs pass away yesterday. Thinking about their losses after expressing something toward to them, a song from 1993 filled the morning mental music stream (Trademark upended). Sarah McLachlan wrote “Possession” in response love letters from her fans. I think The Neurons pulled it out of memory more for the song’s reflective sound about yearning, love, and hope.

Stay positive, remain strong, lean forward, and Vote Blue in 2024. Summer is coming. Well, in the northern hemes. South of zero, winter is coming.

Here’s the music. Coffee is being sucked up. Enjoy your Second Saturday. Cheers

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Friday’s Wandering Thoughts

Some website claimed, “You’re getting old if you can identify ten of these objects.”

I had to laugh. I know I’m getting old. Don’t need some silly game to verify it. Didn’t need one after graduating high school in 1975, and need one now even less.

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Floofumnavigate

Floofumnavigate (floofinition) – 1. To go around an animal blocking a path. Origins: First use observed in England, late 1940s

In Use: “Most housefloofs scurry to safety when the vacuum cleaner or sweeper is powered up, but Onyx barely cracked open an eye, forcing Barb to floofumnavigate Onyx while cleaning.”

In Use: “Whenever meals were being prepared, Bishop planted his large body in the kitchen’s entrance to observe, forcing everyone to floofumnavigate the white dog’s mountain of a body.”

2. To follow an animal as though it is a guide.

In Use: “Floofumnavigating the yard behind Bailey was always fun and different as the dog zigzagged the landscape, nose down, sucking up smells and looking for sources.”

In Use: “Cookie was a superb mother, floofumnavigating the room as her kittens began their first waddling explorations under her unflinching vigil.”

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Tuesday’s Wandering Thoughts

I am so upset with myself.

Have you seen the latest fashion trend among America’s youth? Knee-high crew socks with sandals.

Just like I used to wear in the 1970s, in my boomer youth. I knew I should’ve kept them. Shouldn’t have taken them to a charity for recycling and repurposing. But no, I went with the low cut ‘no-sock’ look and tossed my geeky crew socks.

I am worried about this new fashion trend. What will be next? Disco, and big shoulder pads on women again? They’re already doing big pants legs like we did. We called them elephant legs.

As my generation would put it, ye gads.

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Tuesday’s Theme Music

Mood: Coffeefied

Tuesday, June 4, 2024, has crept in. Sun and clouds play keep away. Air feels cool but humid. A sense of a storm is sneaking in. None is projected. Sunshine is expected to crack through and send the high to 84 F. We’re told it’s a heat wave starting but I don’t believe them. That’s science and facts, which is cover for made-up bullshit. Yeah, that’s some low-grade early morning snark.

Ashlandia is quiet and still this morning. Saw my first fawn of the year two hours ago. No bigger than Papi, my ginger flooft, the fawn was prancing up the street alongside momma. Love those little miniatures.

There’s all manner of news out there around the world. Most of it seems to fall in the ‘not-so-good’ bucket, like large and venomous invasive flying spiders and invasive snake-head fish which can stay on land for several days. The spiders aren’t flying like birds with wings. I would like to see spiders with wings, who also maybe sing. Then they’d start landing on our trees, singing us awake. Singing, flying spiders.

These flying spiders are actually ballooning. If they’re like ballooning humans, expect some festivals and an increase in wine sales.

I’m staying in Ashland for a comment about our newly paved Ashland Street. One of two main drags — the other is Siskiyou Boulevard — it’s actually half-paved at this point. No matter. It’s a vast improvement. I’m hoping the rest is paved before this re-paved piece begins crumbling. That’s the nature of our streets. We’re not the Romans, you know.

With the new pavement has come bold and vibrant street markings. But there’s new green lines, too. No locals I spoke with knew what they were, forcing me to investigate via the net. These green lines are apparently ‘bike boxes’.

“When the traffic signal is yellow or red, motorists must stop behind the white stop line behind the green bike box. Don’t stop on top of the bike box. Keep it clear for cyclists to use. No right turns on red at these intersections.” h/t to Marty Smith @ Williamette Week.

Well, wait then. These are now no-right turn on red intersections? That makes a huge impact on our driving habits.

My morning mental music stream (Trademark chillin’) features Smash Mouth performing “Then the Morning Comes” from 1999. “Why that song?” I coolly asked Les Neurons.

“That’s how it is with some people,” they replied. “Some just say and do shit out of the blue. They walk by and drop a bomb like it ain’t no thing. Just like the song implies.”

“Anyone in particular?” I inquired.

The Neurons snickered. “You probably have some ideas.”

I think these are the lyrics The Neurons are talking about:

[Pre-Chorus 1]
And the world’s a stage(And the world’s a faze)
And the end is near
So push rewind, just in time, thank anybody
You’re gonna do it again

[Chorus]
The way that you walk
It’s just the way that you talk, like it ain’t no thing
And every single day is just a fling
Then the morning comes

h/t to Genius.com

Stay positive, be strong, and Vote Blue in 2024. Time for some clickety-click. Here’s the music. Cheers

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Raised Eyebrows

After Donald J. Trump, former POTUS, and forever liar and criminal, was found guilty of 34 counts of falsifying documents last May, Republicans jumped up to whine about the legal system.

“The weaponization of our justice system has been a hallmark of the Biden Administration,” Johnson said, “and the decision today is further evidence that Democrats will stop at nothing to silence dissent and crush their political opponents.”

h/t to Huffpost.com

Hilarious, Speaker Johnson, just hilarious. Love how you’re conflating New York state’s legal system with President Biden’s DOJ, a part of a Federal branch of government.

“Absolute injustice,” Sen. Tim Scott (R-S.C.), who is vying to be Trump’s vice presidential pick, said in a statement. “This erodes our justice system. Hear me clearly: You cannot silence the American people. You cannot stop us from voting for change.”

Yes, sure, Sen. Scott. I think the American people on the jury spoke clearly, but you didn’t listen. They, after listening to testimony and examining evidence, said, “GUILTY. GUILTY. GUILTY. GUILTY. GUILTY. GUILTY. GUILTY. GUILTY. GUILTY. GUILTY. GUILTY. GUILTY. GUILTY. GUILTY. GUILTY. GUILTY. GUILTY. GUILTY. GUILTY. GUILTY. GUILTY. GUILTY. GUILTY. GUILTY.GUILTY. GUILTY. GUILTY. GUILTY. GUILTY. GUILTY. GUILTY. GUILTY.”

And what, Sen. Scott, is the ‘voting for change’ that you’re pursuing? You planning to change the Sixth Amendement to the U.S. Constitution?

As the Jennifer Bendery and Arthur Delaney Huffpost article notes, Republicans aren’t denying that Trump isn’t guilty. Nope, they just lobbed accusations without evidence or proof, and whined.

Except for a small number, the GOP has become such an abhorrent party of empty-headed sycophants.

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Saturday’s Wandering Thoughts

Couldn’t connect to the coffee house’s wireless network here in Ashlandia today.

Ran diagnostics. That awesome system told me that my computer isn’t set up to automatically connect to SEA-FREE-WIFI, which is the Seattle-Tacoma airport. Why they think that’s a problem for me in Ashlandia, over 300 miles away from SEA-TAC, is another unfathomable technological mystery, the likes of which may never be solved.

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Floofsize

Floofsize (floofinition) – To have something upended or knocked over by an animal. Origins: late 1890s, first noted in Mississippi.

In Use: “Karol the Terrorcat walked along the dresser, leaving floofsized bottles and items on the floor in her wake.”

In Use: “Galumpfh, originally named Wilson by the family’s youngest member, often floofsized furniture when he galloped through the house, shaking the floor with his floofnormous thunderpaws.”

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Floofraiser

Floofraiser (floofinition) – Actions, sounds, or activities which will draw an animal’s attention or make them move. Origins: Mid 1960s, modern Floofish, first reported use in western Pennsylvania.

In Use: “Many people quickly find that cans opening or a kibble rattle are sure floofraisers, with animals galloping to the source as soon as they hear the sound.”

In Use: “The vacuum cleaner was a floofraiser for Barney, causing the big dog to hustle to another room floof haste, but Stormy merely yawned and dared the roaring machine to come closer to her.”

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