Category: humor

Floofturbance

Floofturbance (floofinition) – 1. The act of an animal interrupting an activity or a state of calm. Origins: 13th century, Flemish Floofish

In Use: “The summer’s peaceful evening broke up with a floofturbance out front as two dogs staged a bark-off.”

In Use: “Knowing it would gain attention they could leverage for what they wanted to get, the three house floofs comenced a floofturbance.”

2. Disrupting an animal’s repose or usual procedure or order.

In Use: “A glass bowl slipped out of Becca’s hands and fell to the floor, shattering with an ear-splitting sound and created a floofturbance which sent the cats and dogs sprinting in four different directions — except for Arnold, who leaped up and emphatically barked, “Woof,” just once.”

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Occuflooftion

Occuflooftion (floofinition) – An activity engaged with an animal. Origins: 14th century French floofish.

In Use: “Derek declared himself as ‘not a cat person’ to his wife but after the kittens came and demonstrated an aggressive and fearless willingness to attack anything, Derek’s primary relaxation at home became an occuflooftion like feeding the cats, playing with them, or napping together.”

In Use: “As Barb aged, she adopted an energetic puppy, and walking him become a time-consuming but enjoyable occuflooftion.”

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Thursday’s Wandering Thoughts

I have a shower habit. After I’ve cleaned everything and rinsed, I stand under the streaming warm water and do a five second countdown to turn the water off. I think that if I didn’t do that, I’d stand under that water until the hot water was no more. Just feels so good on my bod’.

Even with the countdown, I usually need to more seconds to actually turn off. Ah, showers. Great invention.

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Thursday’s Theme Music

Mood: Effervopeful

Snowy white clouds with blued shadows have bouldered across the blue sky. A promise of rain? We’ll see.

It certainly dipped the temperatures, pushing us into a chilly night. We’re sitting on 63 F now with a promised high of 79. Tucker took the change by moving to a different location but Papi is wandering around whining, what happened to my summer? That ginger boy loves his sunshine-powered outdoors.

BTW, this is Thursday, June 27, 2024.

Family news has all quieted but is it the storm’s eye? Dad has gotten word that he’ll be released for home from the rehab place on July 5. His kidney doctor has told him she wants to hold off on dialysis for now. Dad’s kidney functioning is up and the doctor wants to search for the root cause of his kidney issues before going the dialysis route. I cheer that approach, myself.

Personally, I’m off to see my primary care physician, who is a nurse, after my writing session. It’s the annual thing, done now that I’m into my Medicare years. I don’t expect any major findings. I seem to have some decent if average genes and take reasonable care of myself, resulting in a basically healthy but aging individual, slowing by the day, with mildly misfiring pieces.

We purchased a new printer week. The small Epson ink tank model replaces a brooding Brother monster machine that hasn’t printed well for us in a decade. Why give ourselves that frustration of dealing with a recalcitrant machine, except *sigh* we need to dispose of the old one and that has an environmental impact. We have found a place that will take it apart and recycle and repurpose to alleviate the impact.

I set it up and printed without any issues. My wife…

*sigh* She seems cursed with bad computer luck when it comes to printer and email. She printed a recipe and the result included all the behind-the-scenes instructions for the page layout. I’ll research it later to see how/if that can be resolved. Meanwhile, her Outlook is giving her fits. I hear an Outlook tirade at least twice a week. I’ve investigated and found some potential fixes but all are pretty radical and she’s putting them off.

Her computeries (computer miseries) inspired The Neurons to bring a KISS song, “Hard Luck Woman” from 1976. to the morning mental music stream (Trademark aging). TBH, this song’s sound never brought KISS to mind. Sounds more like a Rod Stewart offering to me.

Stay positive, be strong, and remained informed and involved. Don’t forget, Vote Blue in 2024. I’m sipping my dark elixir now. Here’s the music. Cheers

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Floofibuster

Floofibuster (floofinition) – Action by an animal which presents actions from being advanced. Origins: 1851, southern United States.

In Use: “Hissing and growling cats floofibustered the people from entering the room more than the door’s threshold, putting a pause to the tour.”

In Use: “Atlas leaped up, barking and growling at the doorway, floofibustering Suzanne’s plans to go to sleep without first taking the bat to see what was going on.”

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Humfloobo

Humfloofbo (floofinition) – A practice used by animals to help develop relationships with people. Origins: Old Floofish. Modern scholars theorize the word means ‘human-floof-bond’ but no evidence has been brought forward to support that idea.

In Use: “Humfloofbo evidence is experienced by many every day, and cell phones and social media help spread awareness of its existence.”

More Human/Animal Bonding…
Examples of Humfloobo.

In Use: “Many young floofs such as kittens or puppies attempt early humfloofbo efforts by nuzzling, licking, or biting humans while elephants will use trunks to stroke people as part of their humfloofbo.”

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A Good Question

The Hill has a nice little opinion piece about Donald J. Trump and the Louisiana ten commandments law. That law says that every classroom in the state will display the ten commandments. Many think that Louisiana law violates the separation of church and state establishment clause of our nation’s founding documents.

But The Hill has a great idea: ask Donald Trump if he supports this during the debate, and then, as a first follow up, ask him to name the ten commandments.

Oh, boy what a word salad that would create! We’d hear great a lot. Probably hear, too, that Moses was a great friend of Trump’s, wonderful guy, used to cruise the desert together. We might be regaled by a Trump tale of how Moses wanted Trump to fly him to the flaming bush but Trump talked him out of it.

“Mo,” Trump says, further explaining, “I always called him Mo. All his close friends did, and family, some family, but I believe I’m the one who started calling him Mo. He wasn’t a Moses he was a Mo. Not like the Three Stooges but still. Three Stooges. Funniest comedians ever, so funny, very funny.

“So I told Mo, Mo, think of the optics. I’m very good with optics. I’m great with optics. Some say that I’m the greatest with optics in the world ever. Optics, you know, optics can change people’s impressions of you. It’s true. That’s why, you need to have a brand. Once you have a brand, you protect it. The Trump brand, I established the Trump brand. Very protective of it, very protective, very. Greatest brand in the world, greatest. People voted for me when I ran because they knew the Trump brand.
They knew it. They knew the Trump brand and all the Trump brand stands for. That’s why people trust me. It’s the Trump brand. The Trump brand is one of the most valuable in the world. Ever. I told Lincoln, I didn’t tell him, no, Lincoln was, but if Lincoln had been there, I would have told him, Ab, you need to create a brand. If Ab had created a brand, he’d, they would have never shot him. Democrats shot him. Democrats. Cuz they feared him. Just like they fear me. Because I tell the truth. I tell the truth. Everyone knows I always tell the truth. That’s why I wanted to lock up Hillary. But I never said that. Never said it. Never. I could have locked her up, had every right to, after I won. But I didn’t. That’s why they created the virus, the covfefe virus. The Dems did it. Worked with the Chinese. Secret government. They’re out to take over the world. That’s why they must be stopped. They’re killers. They’ll do anything to stop me. Anything. I receive more threats. If you knew, I’ve been threatened more times than Lincoln. And they killed him. So, you know, that’s a lot of threats. But I’m too tough. Too tough. The generals who worked for me in the White House, they’d tell me every day, sir, you’re so tough. Sir, you’re the toughest son of a bitch we’ve ever seen. Always call me, sir, always call me, sir. Because they respect me for my toughness. I would’ve been a great soldier. Great leader. Natural leader, natural leader. I was a leader when I was a child. People, whenever something went wrong, people would like at me and they would ask, what should we do? You’re a great leader, what should we do? See, they can see that in me. I have an aura of greatness. Also an aura of invisibility. That’s why I know so much. Put on my invisibility aura and people don’t know I’m there. So I eavesdrop on them because they don’t know I’m there because I’m invisible. That’s how I knew the FBI planted documents. I was there but I had my invisibility aura on and they couldn’t see me. They couldn’t see me but I saw. And I heard. So I know what they did.

“Did you know I have an invisibility aura? Let me put it on for you. I’ll put it on right now. See? You can’t see me know, can you? That’s because I’m invisible. But you can see Biden. You can see Joe Biden. He’s standing there, on the other side of the stage. You can see him because he can’t become invisible like I can. That’s why you should vote for me.”

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Tuesday’s Theme Music

Mood: waitsive (waiting with a pensive feel, ya know?)

Greetings from the third rock. It’s Tuesday, June 25, 2024, and we have a crispy summery morning for you. Temperatures are slipping through the mid sixties and they’d keep that line going until we’re into the mid- to upper- 90s here in Ashlandia. The sky’s so blue, it must be true.

The status quo for me has settled. Act 1 is over, the first half, whatever sports or theatatrical term you wanna apply. We’re at intermission, half time, etc. Next, we’ll see what happens — the debates, the wars, SCOTUS decisions, Dad’s dialysis decision, my annual physical and my ankle, etc. I’m sure you have your own list of matters.

Yes, my ankle worsened yesterday. I went about without wrapping it, and it rewarded me by blooming into a larger size last night. I reciprocated with rest, ice, and elevation. Now it’s wrapped again. Bah, humbug.

With these matters occupying Der Neurons, songs with a waiting theme were percolating in the morning mental music stream (Trademark simmering) but then someone said something that sounded like, “Coming for you.” This was followed by some f-bombs and dog barking, all of which was traced to the street, a good long bomb pass away. A man was walking, his large dark dog unleashed. A woman with a leashed medium-sized canine was taking umbrage and the dogs were cursing one another with great teethy zeal. I went back in and checked on the cats (repping in the back yard) (repping: resting but not quite napping) and resumed my usual routines.

Pretty much a nothing burger, but it shifted Les Neurons’ path. Now they plied the morning mental music stream with “Great Rain” by John Prine with Mike Campbell from 1991. Conducting some forensics, I realized that one point in the verbal melee outside (would that be a verlee?), I thought I heard someone call my name. Confusing and brief, but it apparently hooked The Neurons, inducing them to think of this song’s lyrics, “I thought I heard you call my name.”

Stay positive, stay strong, lean forward, and Vote Blue in 2024. Coffee is being sampled and brain city is coming alive. Here’s the music. Cheers

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Floofmerge

Floofmerge (floofinition) – 1. Cover with animals. Origins: 1697, widely used in Europe.

In Use: “People with new puppies or kittens can swiftly discover themselves to be floofmerged.”

2. A union of several animals, generally of different species. Origins: 1931, Budafloof, Hungary

In Use: “Animal Farm, an allegorical novella published in 1945 depicts a floofmerge on a farm where animals take over and rule.”

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