Category: humor

Wednesday’s Theme Music

Mood: contratagious

Can you believe it? This morning, it’s chilly. About 61 F at my house at the mo. One door and two windows partially open to harvest and store some cold air for the day. Cuz it’s gonna get hot. 99 F.

This is Wednesday, September 4, 2024.

A friend posted a link to an article about Newsmax hosts reacting to J.D. Vance’s assertions that childless elites are dangerous for the country. He — J.D. Vance, not the friend — believes that if you’re childless, you should not be in a position of ‘power’. I imagine he wouldn’t want childless people to teach children, then.

I guess, then, that his Priests all have children, right? If I’m following his thinking, I mean. Like, the Pope should immediately start fornicating his robes off and get to procreating.

In his view, it’s a danger because, “If you don’t have kids, who’s going to take care of you when you’re old?” he continued. “Who’s going to care for our elderly? Work the jobs that are necessary? If we don’t have children, then the answer is nobody.”

J.D. Vance is such a narrow thinker. Which explains why he was against Trump before he stuck his head right up Trump’s ass. See, right now, I’m sure the robot industry, driven by childless engineers, are working hard on this problem of who will care for the childless elderly when they need assistance. These CareBots will probably be produced by all the major car manufacturers, advertised on Facebook and Google, and have Amazon tracking chips so that as soon as someone utters a wish about a food or drink, the CareBot will offer to order it.

I think what J.D. Vance is really worried about is the lack of child labor available. I believe I read that Project 2025 and the GOP in general wants to abolish child labor laws. Don’t quote me on that because I’m operating on precariously low coffee levels. As I see it, though, having children available to work would drive down wages because there would be a larger labor pool. Then US manufacturing can compete with countries where they’re willing to pay people pennies and permit children to work.

Of course, we could not put any children in any positions of power, no matter how intelligent or talented they might be. Because those children don’t have children. Unless, J.D. Vance is planning for children to have children. That wouldn’t surprise me.

BTW, don’t you think that ‘J.D. Vance’ sounds like a low-end department store? “Come on down to J.D. Vance for your Labor Day shopping needs! Our children cashiers and stockers keep our prices the lowest around. We’re open 24 hours a day, seven days a week. We have the latest MAGA apparel on sale. And we just got in a shipment of gold-plated replicas of Donald Trump’s shot ear! But hurry. At these prices, this stock won’t last.”

Pivoting, The Neurons are playing “Tusk” in the morning mental music stream (Trademark childless). I blame Jill Dennison for this. I regularly read her blog, or try; I have a bunch of them which I try to read but there’s not enough time, what with all the golfing I do. Any, “Tusk” is a Fleetwood Mac song from the early 1970s. You may have read about the 1970s in your Republican edited textbooks. It was a time when Richard Nixon saved the world from the Godless commies, and OPEC raised gas prices and cut our gas supply, scaring the bejesus out of Americans driving huge motor vehicles which got such poor gas mileage that manufacturers were trying to figure out ways to refuel cars without people having to stop at a gas station. I was there; I remember.

Anyway, we also had ‘rock’ music back then. Fleetwood Mac are rock performers. Jill D. — not to be confused with Micky D. — shared a Fleetwood Mac song. In her informative post, “Tusk” was mentioned. Or maybe I read it somewhere else. I don’t know. It’s all melting together like burning birthday candles on a cake. But The Neurons took those words and brought the song into my head where it’s been playing off and on in between commercials for holiday shopping at J.D. Vance, where every employee has a child. It’s company policy.

Stay positive, be strong, and stay fresh all day long with J.D. Vance’s new and improved J.D. Vance A.D./A.P. Available at J.D. Vance Deparment Stores everywhere.

I need some coffee. Here’s the music. Hope you find it entertaining. Peace out.

*A.D./A.P. = Anti Deodorant/Anti Perspirant

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Infloofduction

Infloofduction (floofinition) – The process of leading an animal or making it known to another person or animal via a formal act, announcement, or recommendation. Origin:

In Use: “The challenge of welcoming a new animal or family member to a household can often be mitigated by a patient and well-thought out infloofduction.”

In Use: “Sharon B. was prepared for cautious infloofductions between the new kittens and her old Tom, Catmandu, but Catmandu heard and smelled the little ones and began grooming them like he’d given birth to them himself.”

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Tuesday’s Wandering Thoughts

‘Five minutes’ has changed for my wife and I as we age. It used to be that we’d say, “I’ll be ready in five minutes,” and five minutes later, it was so.

No longer. First, time is faster for us now that we’re older. Happens to most people as they age. What used to take place in five minutes now consumes fifteen minutes. It’s freakin’ amazing. I’ve seen it happen with my mother. She used to say, “I’ll be ready in about fifteen minutes.” That fifteen minutes is now a lot longer.

We face it, too, that, like Mom, we no longer move with young eagerness. We move slower and more carefully. A more leisurely path is followed to dress and prepare to go out. Because we’re at the point in life where we don’t feel a need to hurry, and our bodies agree, slow down, take your time. So, if we tell you that we’ll be ready in about five minutes, have a seat.

It might be a little longer.

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Floofartaphily

Floofartaphily (floofinition) – The collecting of knickknacks, artwork, trinkets, and materials related to or depicting animals. Origins: Circa 2000, Internet.

In Use: “Carolyn enjoyed floofartaphily, with little statutes of cats, dogs, geese, and cows abounding in shadow boxes or decorating shelves, but her passion were pigs, and there were two hundred items featuring pigs, including paintings, drawings, pillows with pigs on them, statues, and salt and paper shakers, in her living room.”

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Monday’s Wandering Thoughts

The new barista’s name is Cherish.

The Neurons played the 1966 Association song in my mental music stream as soon as I saw the name. I wanted to know if she was really named Cherish or was it what she put on her name tag? Did her parents name her Cherish at birth? It could be that she didn’t like her birth name and decided she was Cherish.

None of it is my business. I’m just curious. I believe, though, that she is the first individual named Cherish I’ve ever personally met.

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The Truth

I read part of an email about a Costco sale to my wife. “Want me to forward this to you?” I asked.

“Yes, sure, go ahead.”

I did. A few minutes later, she read the same part of the email to me.

I asked, “Do you remember me reading that to you right before I sent it to you?”

She gave me an abashed look flavored with a little alarm and shame.

I said, “You quit listening to me, didn’t you?”

“Well, you go on and on sometimes.”

We both laughed. What else could I do? The truth was staring me in the face.

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Floogical

Floogical (floofinition) – Relating, involving, or being in accordance with a particular mode of reasoning by an animal.

In Use: “To Atlas, it was floofgical to crumple up the rug by the door, but Suzanne found it a floofstery.”

In Use: “Holler thought it wholly floofgical for him to have the largest and most comfortable chair in the room, even if he was just a small cat.”

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Sunday’s Theme Music

Mood: Imamellow

It’s a new month. September has arrived, on a Sunday, and on a holiday weekend. Seems weird that it’s Labor Day weekend. It’s too soon! Nobody around here seems prepared. I’ve barely seen any ads. Okay, turn the page.

It’s 76 F here in Ashlandia, where Labor Day is privately celebrated. The expected high will be 94 F, so it’s cooled off from the last two days. Saw 100 at my house yesterday. Besides being cooler, it’s cloudier. Will it rain? The Weather 8 Ball says ‘All signs point to no.’ Air quality is good but the pollen count is high, and I’m feeling that.

My wife sat up with a burst of outrage this morning. She read a headline aloud, “The one thing Kamala Harris said that shows she’s unfit to be president.” My wife fumed, “The one thing. The one thing! Show me one thing Donald Trump said that shows him fit to be president.” I received the Vote Vets Harris-Walz for President magnetic bumper sticker she ordered me yesterday and slapped it on my rear end. It immediately fell off because I’m flesh and blood and not very magnetic. I then put it on the car. Yes, some pre-coffee humor. Sorry.

My wife has also ordered a dozen bumper stickers to give out to friends, and two other magnetic bumper stickers for our car. She’s donated to the Harris-Walz campaign several times, but is outraged that they keep just asking her for more. I explain, “Honey, that’s the nature of political campaigns.” That just sets her off more.

In local news, Oregon is re-criminalizing hard drugs. The law takes effect today. The experiment is over. You can’t say that we didn’d try.

Ima starting a new theme week this week. Starting today, I’ll provide a song that features night in the title. The Neurons immediately sprang up with “Whatever Gets You Through the Night.” The rocking 1974 John Lennon release is rolling through the morning mental music stream (Trademark dark).

Stay positive, be strong, and have a drink of something to get you through the moment. I’ve chosen coffee. Here’s the music. Don’t forget, Vote Blue. Cheers

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Floofgineer

Floofgineer (floofinition) — A designer, builder, or person who arranges things for animals’ use or convenience. Origins: Middle Floofish, original noted use circa 1635.

In Use: “With two old dogs and three young cats as her housemates, Shelby was an extraordinary floofgineer, installing steps and ramps for the dogs, cat trees for the felines, and floofios for both to go outside but remain safe.”

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Exfloofulate

Exfloofulate (floofinition) – To earnestly discuss matters with an animal to dissuade them from behavior or remonstrate. Origins: 1573, Europe.

In Use: “After Honey overturned the kitchen trash can, Marsha exfloofulated all the reasons why Honey shouldn’t do things like that as Honey sat there and listened, occasionally wagging her tail.”

In Use: “Bob was sound asleep when Lucy awoke him with a bellowing meow, causing Bob to pick Lucy up and exfloofulate, beginning, ‘What is wrong with you, you stupid cat? That was totally unnecessary.'”

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