Category: humor

Munday’s Theme Music

Mood: Weatherplativ

Hey, it’s Munday, December 23, 2024. A surly northern wind is snapping at us and messin’ with the trees. Clouds have rolled over the sun, rendering it a weak incandescent bulb. Temperature is 46 F but that wind cuts a few degrees off the top end.

Butter Butt. That’s my wife’s new nickname for Papi the ginger blade. I asked her what caused her to give Papi that floofonym. She shrugged. “No real reason. I looked at him and it came to mind.” But it somehow fits him.

Today’s song is a celebration of winter solstice. Except it isn’t. A line hooked The Dear Neurons’ attention: “We so tired of all the darkness in our lives.” That came to me while looking out the window and thinking about the short day & the right wing. Both deliver darkness to our lives. Just after that, Der Neurons lowered “Steppin’ Out” by Joe Jackson into the morning mental music stream (Trademark high steppin’).

We’ve turned the annual corner on the short days of daylight but who knows when we’ll shift away from the right wing darkness? Started with the ‘Tea Party’ stuff, which into MAGA, Proud Boys, Oathkeeps, and other militia. Add to it the general craziness and willful ignorance permeating the GOP in Congress, and PINO-elect Trump stuffing his cabinet with billionaires who long ago sold their sold, and the darkness is worse than a black hole. (Which suddenly makes Les Neurons go, “Hold on, maybe we should go with ‘Black Hole Sun’ today.”) Naw, going with Jackson. “Steppin’ Out” is a lighter, happier, you know?

Here we go, another day from 2024 going into the books. Just a few more left to savor. Cheers

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Sinda’s Wandering Political Thoughts

PINA Trump hasn’t even taken the oath of office yet, and the crazy is already at a third-year frenzy. He’s grabbing headlines this weekend by bellowing about the Panama Canal.

“The Panama Canal is considered a vital national asset for the United States, due to its critical role to America’s economy and national security,” Trump said Saturday on his Truth Social platform. “A secure Panama Canal is crucial for U.S. Commerce, and rapid deployment of the Navy.”

Inspired by Trump’s demands, Putin put out statement that maybe Russia should demand Alaska back. “Alaska is considered a vital national asset for the Russian Federation due to its location and wealth of natural resources. A secure Alaska is crucial for Russian commerce, and a rapid deployment of our military forces.”

Not to be outdone, France issued a statement suggesting that they might demand the Louisiana Purchase be returned to France. “We were tricked into making that sale,” the statement said. “America’s ambassadors supplied champagne, whiskey, and wine to the meeting, and took advantage of France’s representatives.”

Representatives of King Charles III’s government put out a statement that they are re-thinking the history of the original thirteen colonies, and might demand that they be returned as well. Spain has suggested it might demand that Florida be returned to them, “Because it’s a really warm place and is important for our ability to relax, enjoy the sun, and visit Disney.”

Several Indian tribes in the United States have given notice that they intend to demand their territories back, noting that the United States failed to live up to treaties or killed the people inhabiting it and stole the land.

In another official statement, the President of the United Mexican States said that although Texas was once part of Mexico, they were willing to let the United States keep it.

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Floofingent

Floofingent (floofinition) – A decision or activity conditional on an animal’s mood, activity, behavior, or decision. Origins: 15th century, Middle Flooflish, borrowed from Middle Froof & Medfloofal Latin.

In Use: “Invited out for a holiday dinner, Bob hedged, telling others that his cat seemed down, so his attendance was floofingent on her.”

In Use: “Barb’s acceptance of men in her life was largely floofingent on her dogs’ reaction to the guys she brought home. If the dogs said no, the relationship was done.”

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Thursday’s Wandering Thoughts

Jingle Jangle.

It’s a Trader Joe’s offering for the holidays. Basically, dark and milk chocolate is poured over pretzels, nuts, popcorn, caramel corn, etc. Some tiny pseudo milk-chocolate and dark-chocolate Reece’s Peanut Butter cups and faux M&Ms are thrown in.

Reading about it — a man bought fifty of the tins to give as gifts because he found it so good! — my wife thought that she would buy some for friends. But first, you know, being a good gifter, she thought we needed to try it out. We did that last night.

At first, yum. That’s good dark chocolate but what is it that it’s covering? We thoroughly tested and tasted, sampling everything. “Really sweet,” she said.

“It is really sweet,” I agreed. “I’m feeling a little sick.”

She nodded. “Me, too.”

I cut the sweetness with water and urge myself, stop eating. But the damn stuff was addicting. Finally, stomach in full rebellion against more, I ceased.

“I don’t think we’ll give that to anyone,” my wife announced. “It’s just too sweet for everyone we know.”

I agreed. Then I wondered, what are we going to do with the rest of a tin of Jingle Jangle?

I bet it goes good with coffee.

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Thursday’s Wandering Political Thoughts

I checked out the Borowitz Report. Andy has created his own Project 2025. Quoting him,

The Heritage Foundation has inspired me to create my very own Project 2025—and, unlike their 900-page dystopian fever dream, mine can be summarized in one sentence:

I’m breaking up with the oligarchs.

The following billionaires have cynically chosen to throw in with Trump. Consequently, they all deserve a boycott in 2025. (Note: I’m aware that there are many other oligarchs worthy of being shunned. Consider this a starter kit.)

Andy lists Elon Musk (a natural number one in this exercise), Mark Benioff, Jeff Bezos, and Mark Zuckerberg. It’s a worthy starter kit. I laud all of his choices.

I gagged over Andy’s comments about Benioff, though. Benioff, as Time Magazine’s owner, wrote in support of Trump as the Person of the Year: “This marks a time of great promise for our nation. We look forward to working together to advance American success and prosperity for everyone.”

What a tone-deaf idiot. The divisive Trump and his merry band of billionaires are going to advance ‘success and prosperity for everyone.’

Sure. Go sell that garbage on Mars. I know many unthinking Americans bought that cheap brand of recycled cheerleading but some of us have been paying attention. In true Orwellian fashion, Benioff has redefined ‘everyone’ as wealthy, white, and male.

People, you shoulda voted blue. You’re gonna reap what you sowed. Let me tell you, it ain’t gonna be ‘success and prosperity’ for everyone.

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Telephloofny

Telephloofny (floofinition) – A person who speaks to animals in conversation as if they’re having a phone conversation with them. Origins: Oregon, United States, 2024.

In Use: ‘Taylor didn’t now when she became telephloofny — was it because of her mother — maybe — but as she went through the house, dressing, eating, cleaning, she spoke with her cats, dog, birds, and fish, telling them her plans, rejoicing over a change of the weather for the better (“Sunshine and blue skies, and look at you all, already in position to enjoy it”), finishing by asking each, “Do you have any special plans for the day? Digging up a plant? Just floozing?”‘

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Tuesday’s Wandering Thoughts

Feeling a hungim, I went out and picked up breakfasts burritos — egg, cheese, and potatoes — from our local Market of Choice. A ‘hungim’ is a ‘hungry whim’ for the uninformed.

I’m just trying to keep the language moving forward, or movfor, if you will. Hey, come on, how do you think they emerged with words like ‘yesterday’ in the past?

Now I’m back to drinking my blafee. Yes, black coffee. Cheers

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