Category: humor

Sa’day’s Wandering Thoughts

When I was a child, I asked Mom, “Why are some streets named streets, and some are boulevards, avenues, drives, and roads. What’s the difference?” Mom replied with some vexation, “I don’t know.” Wasn’t my first disappointment with the realization that Mom didn’t know everything.

Needless to say, I was pretty excited when I heard Steven Wright ask, “Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?”

Yes! Finally, someone is going to explain. He didn’t answer it, though. Bummer.

I’m always hungry to learn something new. I’m fortunate that my wife has a like spirit, athough hers vectors toward learning about women’s rights, social justice, and sex and dating trends. So she keeps me covered in that area. We share responsibility and coverage on politics, literature, and pop culture. I’m on my own regarding STEM and history.

Over the years, I’ve gleaned insights into streets and all the variations. An e-letter I received, Word Smarts, shed more light on the differences between Interstate, freeway, expressway, parkway, highway, turnpike, and frontage road. It’s a start. Meanwhile, here’s some classic deadpan Wright one-liners.

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Floofmulent

Floofmulent (floofinition) – 1. An acceptable or satisfactory animal. Origins: 1996 American television.

In Use: “Jackson’s family took him to pick a kitten at the animal shelter. But an elderly cat marched straight to him, and Jackson announced the cat was floofmulent and named him Captain Jack.”

2. Something that animals are willing to accept, or that satisfies them.

In Use: “Although Devon preferred a tennis ball, Max couldn’t find her normal ball. After a little trial and error, Max found a stick which Devon thought floofmulent, and a game of fetch commenced.”

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Floofracious

Floofracious (floofinition) One with a huge appetite for animal companionship or presence. Origins: 1635, Europe.

In Use: “A floofracious young person with a menagerie of rescued animals, birds, and lizards, few were surprised when Chase took her inheritance and began an animal rescue operation.”

In Use: “Suffering from animal-related allergies, Dovante turned to art to help satisfy his floofracious needs, painting animal portraits (flooftraits, he termed them), and photographing animals whenever possible.”

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Thursday’s Wandering Thoughts

I cleaned the kitty litter today. The excavated taters were shoveled into a paper bag. I then went through the house with the bag of kitty litter to dump it into the trash. As I went, I held the bag up and called out, “Ho ho ho, merry Thanksgiving.”

I thought it was good symblism for the holiday season upon us.

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Floofymoon

Floofymoon (floofinition) – 1. A lunar event that seems to make animals more energetic or active.Origins: Internet, early 2000s.

In Use: “Bristol couldn’t see the moon because of clouds (and he never looked up at the moon anyway, and privately wondered why that was), but he figured whateverI it was, it was a floofymoon, because the three rescue floofs (they’d chosen him) were rebellious and rambunctious in everyway imaginable, knocking things off the desk, kitchen counter, bedroom dresser, and bathroom counter! It was a night of madness and then they slept like angels.”

2. Short time when all animals or people and animals are getting along well.

In Use: “Most of the time, Bats and Snacks went at it like Steelers playing the Browns, so there was mega levels of barking, hissing, growling, and running 1440 minutes a day, but once in a while, a floofymoon gently landed, and the dog and cat groomed each other and napped together.”

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Doorfloof

Doorfloof (floofinition) – Animal who likes to be at a door but doesn’t want to go through the door. Origins: circa 2000 BCE.

In Use: “A classic doorfloof, Tommy wanted the door opened, but then sat down in the open doorway so that he was half in and half out, and just watched the world and snoozed.”

In Use: “After moving into her house, Julie discovered a squirrel at her front door. The little doorfloof was present every morning at about ten AM through spring, summer, and autumn’s early days. Accepting the situation, Julie researched squirrels’ eating habits and was soon ready with a treat for her little friend, who she named Sparkle, for the little rodent’s bright eyes.”

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Floofyism

Floofyism (floofinition) – Devotion to an animal or animal spirit. Origins: unknown.

In Use: “A familiar and common floofyism is when a person or animal (who isn’t a lion) is said to have the heart of a lion.”

In Use: “A look around Debby’s living room, and Kyle saw full-blown evidence of her floofyism in multiple paintings, photos, and statues of her beloved terrior, Captain Kirk.”

In Use: “Kyle’s floofyism was almost obfloofsive, as he wore wolf-themed tee shirts, rooted for teams like the Timberwolves, Chicago Wolves, and Wolf Pack, and chose to go to Sonoma State University so he could play football as a Seawolf.”

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Grrness

Grrness (floofinition) – Quality or depths of an animal’s anger or willingness to fight. Origins: Early 21st century Internet. Synonyms: Feistiness, spiciness

In Use: “Seeing the other cat approach, Papi’s grrness ascended. Eyes narrowing, he stood, lowered his head and tail, and unleashed a long, low growl.”

In Use: “Although only a two-legged human, Jill often exhibited a floof’s heightened grrness when writing about Trump and injustice.”

In Use: “When Walt ignored Casper’s appeals for some of Walt’s food, Caspar’s grrness punched up. Seizing half a sandwich with his mouth, he turned and darted away as Walt furiously shouted.”

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