Straight Shot

You made a straight shot

with your phone

calling me to see

if I was at home

And a straight shot

with a text

got me out of a tiny little mess

I had with my ex

I took a straight shot

from your eyes

the kind of look like donuts

that goes straight to my thighs

The straight shot

from your lips

made me pucker up fast

and get ready for a kiss

Then a straight shot

from your mind

and you know I thought

I had it made

Everything was fine

But a straight shot

from your gun

and just like that, dude,

t’was no more fun

September 30, 2019 0

Floofbreak

Floofbreak (floofinition) – 1. Taking a holiday or vacation away from animals, especially household pets. 2. A pet or animal’s escape from a place or situation.

In use: “Carole King made national news after her Border Collie’s floofbreak because Carole searched for fifty-seven days to find her friend.”

September 29, 2019 0

Saturday’s Bumper Sticker

September 28, 2019 0

EVSEDA

EVSEDA (floofinition) – Acronym for Enjoyable Vortex of Sharing Every Day with Animals. EVSEDA is an expression coined to summarize the multiple pleasures and occasional frustrations experienced when living with animals, especially housepets. The vortex aspect of the acronym is to express how animals can monopolize time, attention, and energy in surprising and unexpected ways.

In use: “They had plans everyday, but EVSEDA often derailed their intentions as the cats, dogs, and goats played and chased, loved and cried, demanded attention, and struck sweet poses. Neither of them minded at all. EVSEDA enabled them to escape the world’s craziness. Both were privately certain that without EVSEDA, they’d probably be insane.”

September 28, 2019 3

Cubbyfloof

Cubbyfloof (floofinition) – Birds, fish, and animals, particularly housepets, who enjoy hiding in small spaces.

In use: “Spock, the large goldfish, was a true cubbyfloof. He loved wriggling into the tiny castle on the aquarium’s bottom, and was so adept at it, staying still and hidden within its confines for long periods, that people looking for him often wondered if he’d escaped.”

September 27, 2019 0

Infloofsitive

Infloofsitive (floofinition) – Curious pet or animal who can’t resist inspecting and examining objects and sounds.

In use: “All the pets were infloofsitive, but the little miniature Border Collie, Sassy, and the elegant Russian Blue feline, Jazmine, were the two who always got up, padded into the other room to see what was going on, and then returned, notifying the rest that the end is not nigh after all.”

September 26, 2019 0

The Gods of Beer

The gods of beer

won’t hesitate

to take a swig,

and make their play.

They don’t quibble

over a quaff,

nor hesitate to laugh

over another’s gaffe.

They’re there to spread humor

and good cheer,

because everyone knows,

life is better with a beer.

September 25, 2019 1

Macrofloof

Macrofloof (floofinition) – A very large fish, bird, or animal, especially housepets.

In use: “Pancho, the Maine Coon Cat, was a natural macrofloof. Tall and long, Pancho weighed almost thirty pounds, but compared to his buddy, Cisco the Newfie, Pancho was almost a tiny beast. Almost. Cisco was a mega macrofloof.”

September 25, 2019 0

Floof-shaming

Floof-shaming (floofinition) – 1. Mocking an animal for their weight, body, infirmities, disabilities, shape, or color. 2. Poking fun of a person for their love and passion for animals.

In use: “Loving and owning animals sometimes leads to floof-shaming, when the owner’s relationship with their animals is called into question as signs of a mental or emotional problem.”