Thursday’s Bumper Sticker
Edfloofcate
Edfloofcate (floofinition) – 1. The process of delivering knowledge, particularly about rules, to animals.
In use: “You’re a new cat, so let me edfloofcate you to the house rules,” he said. “Number one, it’s my house and my rules.”
2. The process of training humans to understand that animals make their own rules.
In use: “Sitting down, the cat regarded the man with bemused eyes. Time to edfloofcate him about the truth about his house and his rules.”
Unfloofditional
Unfloofditional (floofinition) – Not limited to a specific breed of animal or individual animal.
In use: “They called it a dog bed, but the goats sleeping on it demonstrated that it was an unfloofditional label.”
Floofware
Floofware (floofinition) – Major items of equipment or components intended for use by animals.
In use: “Although laptops and keyboards are not floofware, many pets like to believe otherwise.”
The Cookies
“The cookies are easy to make,” she told Cindy after sharing the recipe with her. “You should make them when your grandchildren come up. They came up. It’d be fun.”
“Good idea. I will.”
A few days later, Barb ran into Cindy. “We made the cookies,” Cindy said.
“And…?”
“They burned.”
“What?”
“Tell me the recipe again.”
“You start with tortillas and cut them out with cookie cutters.”
“I did that.”
“Then you put them on the baking sheet and brush them with butter.”
“Butter! You didn’t mention butter.”
“I think I did…but, after you brush them with butter, you dust them with cinnamon and sugar.”
“Sugar! You didn’t say anything about sugar.”
“Do you want me to send you an email with the recipe?”
“No, I’ll have my son-in-law find them for me.”
Floofvesting
Floofvesting (floofinition) – 1. Subscribing and participating in activities and investments which focus on improving animals’ existences.
In use: “Smart floofvesting begins with diet, as many pet owners have learned, as scandals revealed pet food ingredient scams which had dire impact on their pets’ health.”
2. To have a live animal (or animals) draped over you like a blanket, jacket, or sweater.
In use: “Settling down to read required no formal notice; floofvesting began within seconds as the cats and dogs found spaces on his legs, chest and abdomen, and made themselves comfortable.”
Solfloof
Solfloof (floofinition) – Animal who enjoys sunshine.
In use: “Although the cats enjoyed prowling the night, during the day, they were genuine solfloofs, sleeping and preening in the sun, rulers of the night, replenishing their energy.”
Flooftization
Flooftization (floofinition) — 1. A movement to promote global acceptance that animals have equal rights to humans.
In use: “With flooftization, it’s promoted that rights are not anyone’s to issue, whether it’s a matter with gender, sexual orientation, race, etc., with humans, or animals’ rights to be free of abuse.”
2. Changes made to a localization to be more animal considerate.
In use: “As an example of flooftization, more countries are adopted flyovers that allow animals to safely cross high-speed highways without being killed or injured by motor vehicles.”
3. Alterations to a household to create a more animal-friendly domicile.
In use: “Cat trees and pet beds created safe spaces as part of the flooftization and fostering efforts.”
Coyfloof
Coyfloof (floofinition) – 1. Animal that’s a hybrid of several species. The term is adapted from the expression, coywolf, the hybrid animal (part wolf, part coyote, part dog) that’s developed in the last decade in the United States.
In use: “An offspring of a male lion and a female tiger, a liger is a natural coyfloof that’s generally larger than either of its parents.”
2. A shy animal.
In use: “Even though she was large (for a housecat) at twenty-one pounds, she was a coyfloof, willing to be loving to her human, but shunning everyone else by hiding in a closet whenever someone came to the door.”
Bullfloof
Bullfloof (floofinition) 1. A male herbivore who is accepted and kept as a pet.
In use: “Seymour was Marshall’s bullfloof, a rescue who would always be his buddy, and no amount of exasperation from his father about how wrong it was would ever change that.”
2. Nonsense or foolish talk about animals.
In use: “Many people still adhere to the bullfloof that animals are dump, incapable of empathy, and lack the feelings of a human.”
3. Animal nonsense that they expect people to take seriously.
In use: “The house was a wreck, and the cat and the dog, side-by-side on the sofa, tried to sell the bullfloof that they had no idea what’d happened by giving wide-eyed, innocent stares of the, “Who, me?” variety.”
