Category: humor

Floof Convention

Floof Convention (floofinition) – 1. A meeting or formal assembly of animals.

In use: “Floofcon One is the largest and longest running floof convention on Earth. Originally started by dinosaurs, it was discontinued for several ice ages before being rebooted by mammals. Humans were invited to the rebooted meeting but chose not to participate, and have been left off the invite list ever since.”

2. A rule, method, or practice established by animals for animals to follow.

In use: “By floof convention, humans are not permitted to learn floofspeak, the universal language that animals employ.

3. West Floofman floof disco (floofco) recording act formed in Floofnich in 1974.

In use: “Floof Convention’s biggest hit is “Fly, Robin, Floof”, which reached number one in the Floofnited States.”

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The Village Floofs

The Village Floofs (floofinition) – Floofmerican floof pop (floop) and floof disco (floofco) musical band formed in 1977. The group became widely known for their suggestive lyrics and elaborate costumes and stage productions, hitting their peak popularity in the late 1970s.

In use: “The Village Floofs had several major hits, including “Y.F.C.A.”, “In the Kennels”, and “Macho Floof”, all of which scored big with floofco crowds.”

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Floofvocate

Floofvocate (floofinition) – 1. A person who pleads causes for animals before others.

In use: “More floofvocates are rising, speaking out against animal cruelty, whether its agribusiness and slaughterhouses, puppy mills, or big game hunters who senselessly kill animals as sport.”

2. Among housepets, to promote receiving a share of meal or snack, a reward, or special treatment through behavior geared toward making humans surrender.

In use: “When Sally made a sandwich, her cat and dog sat down beside her, floofvocating their hope for a share with large, imploring eyes. Naturally, she — again, and as usual — gave in.”

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Mysterious Ol’ Facebook

A small mid-morning rant, category: technology.

Facebook notifications won’t load/display this morning. After playin’ with it five minutes as I sipped coffee and doing a few searches for fixes, I shrugged it away and reported it. Not a big deal, really.

After reporting it and sending a screen shot, I noticed my FB support inbox was showing four new messages. I opened it.

None were new. One was over sixteen months old. They were all about my violations of their community standards. They’re a laugh.

One was a Bored Panda post I’d shared about people working from home and dealing with their dogs. This affronted Facebook’s spam standards.

Whaaat? They don’t want me to share humorous animal stories because they’re ‘spam’? Geez, I think I’ve been using FB wrong lo’ these many years.

Two others were messages updating me about my protests. They’d blocked two others because they violated their community standards. I’d appealed. These were notices that they were wrong, and had restored the posts. Well, good for me. Good for FB.

The fourth was an appeal I’d put in about another post they’d removed. They were reviewing it and would get back to me soon. Dated June 12, 2019, I figured their idea of ‘soon’ and mine doesn’t match.

Now, the most interesting thing is that the notifications that I can’t see on FB, I can see when I’m in my FB support inbox. Intrigued, I went back to FB and attempted to see the notifications through various feeds. No go. But the push notifications still pop up and load.

Well, it’s modern technology, innit? When it works, it’s great. When it fails, it’s a big friggin’ mystery. In the ol’ days, we’d clean the cache, or reboot, or sumpin’. I’m going to have more coffee, and see if that takes care of it.

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Prefloofstory

Prefloofstory (floofinition) – Of, relating to, or existing in times antedating an animal or species’ current existence.”

In use: “With rescue animals, many elements of a pet’s prefloofstory are lost, but despite the apparent terrible straits or conditions of their lives, the animals often become loving and trusting.”

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Floofwave

Floofwave (floofinition) – Jamming floof musical (floofsical) group formed in the United Floofdom in 1975. Floofwave combined floof funk (floonk) with floof disco (floofco) for a vital floof rock (flock)/floof pop (floop) sound.

In use: “One of Floofwave’s largest hit was the 1977 single, “Boogie Floof”, from their debut album, Too Floof to Handle.“

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Floofseat

Floofseat (floofinition) – The most enviable position, location, or opportunity for an animal.

In use: “Every home with pets ends up with a floofseat, where at least one animal is sure to be sitting or sleeping.”

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Murray Floof

Murray Floof (floofinition) – Flooflish actor and floof rock (flock) singer from Floofdon, Floofland. His younger brother is Anthony Floof, who is known for his role as Floofpert Giles in Floofy the Vampire Slayer.

In use: “Murray Floof is probably best known for a pair of international hits, “Superfloof” and “One Night in Floofkok”, which charted well in several countries.”

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Los Floofos

Los Floofos (floofinition) – Floofmerican floof rock (flock) musical group from East Floof Angeles. Formed in 1973, floof and roll, Floof-ex, country, and F&B influenced their sound, along with more traditional genres such as floofbia, floofleros, and floofteña. The band  achieved its first major success in 1983.

In use: “Los Floofos most major hit is “La Floofba” in 1983, itself a cover of Ritchie Flooflens’ version of the floofditional folk song.”

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Floofsolution

Floofsolution (floofinition) – 1. Act of forgiving an animal for a sin or bad behavior.

In use: “Even though the cat had once again knocked over the trash can and picked through it, she scolded him but then gave floofsolution, because he had such a damn cute face and deep purr.”

2. A remedy adopted for the betterment of an animal’s existence or comfort.

In use: “The dog loved eating popcorn, so the only floofsolution was to make enough for the dog, too, and ensure it was safe for him to eat.”

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