He accompanied his wife when she went clothes shopping. As he followed her, he began to consider what he’d wear and how he would dress as a woman. It felt like the swath of options and challenges for them are much greater than they are for men. Of course, many demands on women and how they dress are thrust on them by society and shaped by their bodies and coloring. After five minutes, he decided that it was just as well that he was male and didn’t need to think about all those things, starting with bras.
Floomp
Floomp (floofinition) – 1. A balled clump of animal hair or fur found on clothing, towels, and bedding after they’ve been washed.
In use: “Going to put on a pair of socks, Brenda discovered floomps on their bottoms, which she meticulously pulled off as her cat and dog came up, sat down, and watched. She would swear that her pets were smirking as they watched.”
2. A wave or heavy impact caused by an animal landing on a person, bed, or bouncy objects.
In use: ‘The little dog leaped up, landing on her with a floomp which made her say, “Oof. Not on the nipple, please. Why do you always land on my nipples?”‘
Saturday’s Wandering Thought
Dear blog. My computer keeps urging me to use MS Edge. How do I tell it that I’m already using Edge? You’d think it’d already know.
Signed,
Browsing in Confusion
Floofpressant
Floofpressant – (floofinition) – Non-violent action, behavior, or noise employed to stop an animal or dissuade it from continuing unwanted activity.
In use: “A squirt gun didn’t bother long-haired Quinn, as water couldn’t seem to penetrate his coat, but he had a sharp sense of smell, and they soon learned that a good floofpressant for bad behavior was any citrus fruit, or a banana.”
Friday’s Wandering Thought
He always liked it when he encountered friendly bathrooms, ones with polite lighting and friendly mirrors. Too many times, he encountered mean-spirited bathrooms where he saw himself in the mirror and gasped, “OMG, WTF happened to me?”
Wednesday’s Wandering Thought
He did another little DIY project, replacing the diverter on a bathtub spout. Not difficult, and yet it solved a minor problem, and that felt satisfying.
After that, he wandered around the house, searching for other things to fix. Finding nothing (although some caulking could be in order), he instead culled their financial files, taking out and shredding years of information. It, too, was satisfying, but in a different way.
What next, he wondered. What next?
Backward Shuffle
Backward Shuffle (floofinition) – Move mastered by animals which allows them to escape by wiggling backwards through minute openings.
In use: “To give their floof medicine, he put his knees together, his pet before him, and held onto them while his partner attempted to get the medicine into the animal’s math. To their amusement and dismay, Super executed a backward shuffle, slipped through Ron’s legs, escaping his grasp, and dashed away.”
Tuesday’s Wandering Thought
He’d done Wordle in two moves yesterday, and he was proud and pleased. Two moves! He was usually lucky to get it done in four. But he’d taken his wife’s advice to be intuitive. And, you know, he’d been lucky.
She’d finally joined him in the office, giving him the chance to crow. After mentioning the intuition thing, he said, “So my first guess was offbeat.”
Confusion creased her expression. “Offbeat is too big.”
He stared at her. “Let me try again. My first guess was an offbeat word choice.”
“Choice is six letters. That’s too many letters.” Understanding broke on her face. “Oh, I see.”
His stare deepened. “Tell you what, honey. Let’s get some coffee in you and then I’ll continue this tale.”
Both laughed.
Floofmosis
Floofmosis (floofinition) – Animal’s ability to unobtrusively expand and move, without apparently moving, to take over an entire space, despite its size.
In use: “The family cats and dogs were all floofmosis masters. Each was cabable of settling on a bed or chair with a person and slowly pushing the person out, even though the animals all weighed less than twenty pounds and the people were all over one hundred ten pounds and had both weight and size advantages over the animals. They just couldn’t compete with the floofmosis.”
Michael Seidel, writer 