Category: humor

Edfloofcation

Edfloofcation (floofinition) – 1. Process of learning and understanding specific animals.

In use: “Once a new animal joins a household, humans and the resifloofs go through edfloofcation about the newcomer, as the newcomer does the same, sniffing and testing boundaries, adjusting to the sounds and patterns of a new life.”

2. General procedure for spreading and sharing information about animals in order to combat bias against them.

In use: “The net has become an important tool in edfloofcation, as stories about animal courage, love, and intelligence are shared, hopefully dispelling ideas that animals are unthinking and unfeeling creatures, instead firming the foundation that animals deserve the same rights and protections which humans expect for themselves”

3

A Late Wandering Thought

He watched a cricket cross the room. Twenty minutes later, the cricket crossed back over to the original side. It left him wondering, why did the cricket cross the room?

Maybe it was bad GPS. It happens.

4

Friday’s Wandering Thought

As the coffee maker brews more of its black magic, he leans close to the machine and urgently whispers, “Brew, little coffee maker. Brew, brew!” Naw, he doesn’t have a problem.

2

Floofdictive

Floofdictive (floofinition) – Compulsive, chronic, physiological or psychological need to do recurring activities with an animal or between animals.

In use: “If he hadn’t seen his cats in the evening, he called and searched for them until they reappeared, which he realized was floofictive, and maybe floofsessive.”

2

The Exchange

The boy is four years old, a grandnephew. He’d brought over four of his monster truck toys to play with as he visited his great grandmother. The trucks weren’t large, fitting into his palm space.

But he was sniffing one. “What’s that smell like?” his great-uncle asked.

“My green dinosaur.”

That was a surprise. “What’s your green dinosaur smell like?”

“Apples.”

Huh. “Do you know what you call a dinosaur who smells like apples?”

Head shake. “No.”

“An applesaurus.”

The boy threw his head back and laughed.

1

Flooftivism

Flooftivism (floofinition) – Practice or doctrine that dictates active behavior in support of animals.

In use: “Galaxy Jackson has risen to fame based on his flooftivism and his focus on improving life for cats and relationships between cats and others.”

1

Stalemate

It’s a classic conundrum: who will eat the last piece of blueberry pie? Everyone is being polite, telling others to take it. It’s been over twelve hours.

How much longer will the stalemate last?

6

Monday’s Wandering Thought

His mother was doing great with her walker. That was good. The motorcycle noises she made — pretending that she was shifting, tires squealing, engine revving — were a little unnerving. But if it helped, he accepted it.

It just seemed a little strange. Then again, that was Mom.

3

Telafloof

Telafloof (floofinition) – 1. Coping mechanism used by humans that involves confiding secrets, worries, and anxieties to animals, especially pets.

In use: “Her recurring process involved telefloof with her cat and dog. Settling on the settee with her pets, both girls, the three would talk over the day as they shared snacks.”

2. Calling somewhere to communicate with an animal via electronic systems.

In use: “After returning to his hotel room, he used Zoom to telafloof with his dobie, Hank Aaron, to ensure his boy heard his voice and saw his face. They usually spent a few minutes barking at one another, which delighted both.”

3. A secret communications system used by animals to communicate.

In use: “Using the telafloof, Milo the dog called Felix the cat and pleaded with the feline to return home because their people were worried. Felix finally relented, coming back after being gone three days.”

0

The Writing Moment

“Foul,” the brain cried. “What are we doing up so early?”

His coffee-depleted mouth struggled to respond. “It’s the muses.”

“Them.” The brain scowled. “I can do without… What now?”

“They cracked the whip. Said he had to get up early and make time to write.”

“Write.” The brain snorted. “What a waste. Go back to bed.”

“Too late,” the heart said. “We’ve already had coffee. We’re up now.”

The brain sighed. “Well, I guess it’s time to write like crazy, again, innit?”

2

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑