Floof Over Matter (Often abbreviated as FOM or F.O.M.) (floofinition) 1. Ad hoc policy that a household or organization’s care of animals is paramount.
In use: “He planned to make some changes in the house, but they were immediately terminated because of F.O.M., as his wife said, ‘You can’t do that. It’ll upset the cats and dogs.’ He could have argued that, but they’d been married over a quarter of a century. He understood floof over matter. It was only the floofs and their health and happiness who mattered most.”
2. Magic talents used by animals to make the impossible appear to happen.
In use: “She never understood how her cat got into the places which seemed impossible. Then she read a blog post about F.O.M. — Floof Over Matter — and began to understand that animals had powers which were beyond human comprehension.”
My cat, Tucker, has developed a method of meowing without opening his mouth. Lately, the sound coming out sometimes sounds like he’s saying my name, “Michael. Michael.” Today, after I put food into his bowl, it sounded like he said, “Thank you.”
R.F.M. – Rapid Floof Movement(Floofinition) – Unexpected fast motion done by animals, often without a cause which humans readily comprehend.
In use: “As one, the sleeping floofs raised their heads and then launched a R.F.M. Debra shouted at the disappearing animals, “What’s going on,” but none of them slowed down to explain. They just disappeared into hiding places in other rooms.”
Xenofloofic(floofinition) – Fear and hatred of strange or foreign animals, or animals not normally seen in the area.
In use: “Rising up with a yowling growl, Pixie rushed the window in a fresh xenofloofic display, trying to attack the intruder floof — a small tabby with a white chest and matching mitts that Fran had never seen before — through the glass. Pixie was further infuriated that Fran went out and fed the other cat, gave it water, and checked it over for injuries and identification. The gall of her!”
You might not know unless you have a calendar, but this is Tuesday, 1/24/23. I’m on assignment on twenty-first century Earth where the calendar is sacred, equally important in education, entertainment, and business in most of the world.
I’ve landed again in Ashlandia, a small town, but not quaint. If you remember, it’s located in a river valley in a region officially called the state of Oregon, in a section that is further identified by its geographic location relative to the rest of the state, which is the south. Hence, one staying here for any time will hear ‘southern Oregon’ mentioned. Ashlandia’s population struggles with identity, wanting to have nice things, unable to agree what the nice things are or how much they’re willing to pay and sacrifice to have their nice things. I’ve learned through my many visits here that endless conversations about the same subjects are reprised through months, seasons, and years. Only new home and business construction goes forward even as most worry that they lack the water and infrastructure for new places and many business locations are empty. However, construction is an industry which should not be stopped. Again, as noted in previous reports, they have empty houses and dormitories but argue about what to do about their homeless population.
Ashlandia’s weather is much like its population, muddling on as something somewhere in the middle. It is winter but sunny, cold at night, warming during the day. This day started with temperatures in the high twenties. Sunshine, which came over the mountains at 7:32 in the morning, has warmed the air and earth. With a cloudless blue sky capping the valley, Ashlandia’s temperature is now in the mid-thirties and is expecting to reach the low fifties before the sun leaves the sky at 5:15 this afternoon. (That may be evening; evening and afternoon seem hazy, even misconstrued or misunderstood expressions with haphazard agreement about when afternoon ends and evening begins.)
I heard a song playing on the radio. Radios are in every road vehicle and many people spend time in road vehicles each day. The song I heard was “(You Can Still) Rock in America”. This song was recorded and released in 1983 by a song group who called themselves ‘Night Ranger’, a name which they selected to symbolize what they stand for. Admittedly, the song enthralled my human form. Apparently, my host, a male in in his mid-sixties, knew the song, as he started singing parts of the song. He became especially energetic singing the phrase, “You can still rock in America,” which is also the song’s title. He seemed to become dour, even disappointed when the song concluded. My understanding of this creatures is still weak.
I will partake of ‘coffee’ now. Many, include my host, drinks this to stimulate them each day. It’s one of many stimulants available and used by the town’s population. I’ve attached the song for your sampling. I close with hopes that I’ll not need to stay in this body in Ashlandia for too many more cycles. Your servant, Cheers
“Sunshine,” the cat shouted. “Letmeout letmeout letmeout letmeout.”
This was the young one, Papi, the ginger wonder. Old Tucker, the black and white long-furred enigma, scoffed at the young one. Tucker thinks seasonally. He understands winter.
Half an hour later, Papi was at the door, shouting, “Cold. Letmein letmein letmein letmein letmein.” Tucker smirked.
My Ashlandia zone awoke to frost and fog when the sun came on stage at 7:32. The temperature was squatting at 25 degrees F. “Hold my coffee,” the sun said. Zap. Fog gone. Frost vaporized into mist, the temperature jumped up to 27 F. The sun dismissed the criticism finding him. “Earth wasn’t created in a day, you know.”
The sun is expected to take us to 52 F. We never saw the anticipated highs yesterday. Winds and humidity leaned us toward a colder side. Sunset continues its slide toward a later time, and now won’t take place until 5:14 PM.
It’s Monday, 1/23/23. We’re hurtling off of a fresh Lunar New Year to the end of 2023’s first month. Just over eleven months until the new year arrives is left.
I’m feeling good today, meaning a good mood and good energy. Hope that survives meeting reality. A hypertension individual, I track my blood pressure. This morning finds it at 127/73, fairly low for me, even on the meds. Pulse is currently 60. O2 is 98%.
With all that going for me, I began thinking about being alive and kicking. That fired up The Neurons enough that they unleashed Mr. Big with “Alive and Kickin'” from 1991. I was just back from four years of living in Germany. Now stationed in Sunnyvale, CA, I was re-acclimating to American life when the album with this song on it was released. I enjoyed “Alive and Kickin'”, finding it a sort of funky but bluesy rock sound that reminded me of a late sixties sound and played it often. Fun to sit on the porch after work, soaking in the remains of the California day, sipping a beer, music playing, reading a book.
Coffee is up. Get it while it’s hot. Stay positive. Have a super Monday. In fact, make it a super week. On me. Here’s the music. Cheers
Flooftonia(floofinition) – Pain or movement disorder caused by immobility or odd positions brought on by sleeping with an animal.
In use: “He’d slept with his head awkwardly canted because he didn’t want to disturb the cat nestled against it, so a fit of flooftonia was afflicting his neck and shoulder.”
Michael Seidel, writer 