Category: humor

Writ of Floofamus

Writ of Floofamus (floofinition) An animal’s order to another animal or human to perform a duty or correct a situation. Origins: first used by English pets and animals in the early seventeenth century.

In Use: “Many people with pets are familiar with getting a writ of floofamus after the floof thinks their food or water bowl is perilously empty, or if they believe their feeding time has passed.”

In Use: “Finding the cat in his bed, Bogart barked out a loud writ of floofamus for Becall to leave his bed, an order which Becall ignored, forcing Bogart to take the writ to his people for enforcement.”

Recent Use: “On the Monday morning which started his second week as a rescue living with the Thompsons, Napoleon — aptly named, though it was a whim — marched into the bedroom, jumped on the bed, walked up to sleeping Beverly, vigorously tapped her nose, and when she opened her eyes, issued his first writ of floofamus for breakfast, all recorded by a security camera and posted to social media.”

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Friday’s Wandering Thought

The way that Thanksgiving and Christmas seem to be getting blended together, may as well just call it Thanksmas and get it over with, unfortunately for the other holidays being celebrated during this this period. Egged on by Black Friday deals that start any day of the week and a month before ‘Black Friday’, people and businesses are putting up their X-mas stuff before Thanksgiving (even Halloween, in some cases).

I guess I’m just not in the spirit of these things.

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A Fine List

Thankfulness A-Z

Jill made a great list of things which she is thankful for. I didn’t change it, but I’d add some personal names under the letters: Keri, Dee, Frank, Lisa, Gina, Pat, Amy, Sharon, Debby, Jonathan, Jessica, Cynthia, David, Andrea, Michael, Barb, Jon, Becky, Brenden, Landon, Colten, Lauren, Audrey, Rhea, Matt, Vince, and many other nieces and nephews. Beer was added under B, and wine is found under W. Knowledge is added to k, and L is amended with learning.

Oh, yeah, you’ll find pizza and pie under P. Can’t forget them, along with writing. You know where it goes.

Happy Thanksgiving.

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Monday’s Theme Music

Mood: sufficient

T’was the Monday before Thanksgiving, and all through the town, people were hurrying, rushing around, making their plans to have a good meal, or shopping online to get a good deal.

Yes, it’s Monday, the 20th of November of 2023. This is the last time that we’ll experience this day and date combo until three different things happen. One, time travel is finally achieved, enabling us to return to this date to see what really happened; two, the Recreation Society decides that this will be the day/date that is recreated as a do-over. But I know for a fact that time travel is still a few decades off and the Recreation Society won’t be here for over fifty years. In fact, its inventors aren’t even born yet.

Windy is the word for the weather in Ashlandia, where the wind is charged and sharp, and the cats are unhappy. After dipping to 30 F last night, we’re now up to 45 F under a flash blue sky and sterling sunshine.

Looking out and seeing no rain, The Neurons cranked up “I’m Only Happy When It Rains”, 1995, by Garbage, in the morning mental music stream (Trademark drenched). While it was a bit’o mischief by Les Neurons, who love pranking me before I’ve had coffee and I’m defenseless, I’ve always found IOHWIR to be a terrific sing along rocker. Shirley Manson delivers on vocals with audio sneers dripping with contempt. Terrific fun, and hard to resist as she teases, “Pour your misery down on me.”

Stay positive, be strong, and lean forward into that dark wind until we break through the other side. Pour some coffee down for me. Never mind, I’ll do it myself. Here’s the video. Cheers

PS: The third way we can experience Monday, November 20, 2023, again, is if we come unstuck in time. It’s been known to happen, although they didn’t know it at the time.

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Sunday’s Wandering Thought

I like being proactive and getting ahead of things for the holidays, so I went ahead and gained my holiday weight.

That’s just one less thing for me to worry about.

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Floowallick

Floowallick (floofinition) – Animal’s effort to simultaneously walk and wash or lick itself, often after eating wet food, drinking milk, or the like. Origins: Flang (floof slang) first noted on the Internet in the United States circa 2010.

In Use: “Videos of saved animals such as cats floowallicking with a contented expression after a satisfying meal often draw large numbers of ‘likes’ on Facebook posts and Youtube videos.”

Recent Use: “Watching her Chihuahua finish his food and slowly floowallicking afterward, eyes almost closed, Cara laughed with new delight and love for her small furry soul mate.”

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The Writing Moment

I picked up my laptop bag and headed to the door. “Off to write,” I told my wife. “I’m pretty excited. Just fifteen pages left of this draft to revise.”

“How long will fifteen pages take?”

Pausing, I broke out in a broad grin. “Well, that depends on how it’s written.” As I laughed, she joined me. I went on, “I mean, it really depends on how it reads and if it still fits with the story after the revisions I’ve made.”

“I see,” she answered.

Shrugging, I turned back to the door. “And then I begin again.”

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Saturday’s Wandering Thought

When people talk about computers and advances in computing, Moore’s Law often comes up. If you don’t recall what I’m talking about, here’s a reminder:

The observation that the number of transistors on computer chips doubles approximately every two years is known as Moore’s Law.

Moore’s Law is not a law of nature, but an observation of a long-term trend in how technology is changing.

The law was first described by Gordon E. Moore, the co-founder of Intel, in 1965.

h/t to OurWorldInData.org

Well, I have a corollary to Moore’s Law, called Michael’s Law. It goes, “The more in a hurry you are, the slower your computer and the Internet will be.”

Maybe my law only applies to me. Perhaps there’s some computer god assistants somewhere watching me. Seeing me hastily scramble to the computer to search for information and then flee because I’m running late, the assistants notify the God in charge. “Michael is in a hurry. He should have left three minutes ago but he needs to look up the address on his computer.”

“You know what to do.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Just like that, my computer is bogged down, no reason given, leading me to curse the machine and the internet and my service provider, and the app being used or the website I’m trying to reach. It isn’t their fault, of course.

It’s just Michael’s Law.

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Floofogony

Floofogony (floofinition) – 1. An account of floofs’ origins on Earth. Origins: Poem of 1022 lines by Floofsiod, written about 1026 BCE.

In Use: “Few humans have been granted access to the Floofogony, a document which is precious to animals and kept in the Fortress of Floofitude in an undisclosed place which is said to exist in an area of Earth inaccessible to humans.”

Recent Use: “Although many societies offer greater recognition that animals are not dumb and do have feelings and are capable of more intelligence than previously credited, the idea of a document such as the Floofogony is usually roundly mocked.”

2. Anguish of any sort felt about the loss of an animal or an animal’s situation. Origins: middle-english, first known use in fourteenth century.

In Use: “When their dog raced out of the yard after his bath, immediate floofogony was felt by all the family members even as they scrambled to put on their shoes, get in the car and find her.”

Recent Use: “With the Internet showing more about animals across the spectrum helping one another or asking humans for help, more people experience floofogony as they read stories or watch videos about animals being dumped, abused, or in need of medical intervention after accidents.

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