Category: humor

Lights Out

Light bulbs are so like cereal, ice cream, and bread. The range of choices sprawl along store aisles like invading armies staging to attack.

It’s been a period of lights out in our house. Light bulbs retired in the last several weeks all over our house. Kitchen, stove top, office, bedroom, garage, living room accent light have all been afflicted. As each burned out, I checked pulled it and checked it out for the replacement. Several of them hadn’t been replaced since being installed in 2006, when we moved in, so we got our mileage out of them. Easiest, in theory, was the office light, which had been first to go dark.

There are actually three bulbs up there. I pulled off the shade to take a look. One was burned out; one socket was empty. The third was almost an antique: 60 watts, GE, filament, frosted white. Poor thing.

“Can we get something brighter?” my wife asked. She’s had a lifetime of vision issues and compensates by turning on every light possible. When she uses the kitchen, she generally turns on four sets of lights. Yes, four. There are ceiling spotlights, under-cabinet work lights, and breakfast bar lights. The dining room is adjacent, just on the other side of the breakfast counter, so she always turns on it on to, adding the lumens from its five bulbs. There are basically 23 bulbs of different wattage going on when she’s in the kitchen.

The only one no in use alone is the sink task light. The others’ switches are clustered together, four switches under one faceplate by the kitchen’s entrance. She just spreads her fingers, flattens her palm, and hits them all, usually simultaneously click. But the sink task light is by the sink, and she forgets it. Funny, because it’s my favorite, and the one I mostly use, usually the only one I use. Just for the record, there’s also the range top lights, which are part of the hood/fan assembly attached to the microwave’s underside. She doesn’t use them. I use them when I’m cooking or to leave a light on when we’re out of the house and returning after dark.

The office required a sixty-watt bulb. Easy peasy, right? But how many Ks should it have, and lumens? I want an energy saver but of what nature? These were things that I didn’t know that I needed to know. I ended up with 60-watt comparable LED daylight white 5000K bulbs boasting of 750 lumens. Three were installed and the shade installed. Then, click.

OMG. “Wow.” My wife sounded giddy. “I can see.”

I was overwhelmed. She often accuses me of being in the dark, scolding, “How can you see in here?” Under the force of these three bulbs, I felt that sunglasses would be suitable. And they only use eight watts of power, don’t emit much heat, and should last over ten years.

“So you like them?” I facetiously asked. “Do you want them in the bedroom?”

“Yes!”

With that done to her satisfaction, I turned to the kitchen. The ceiling spotlights, all old energy-savers, issued a duller light. “Want me to install daylight bulbs in here?”

She hesitated. “They’re awfully bright.”

Screw it; I did it. Well, there are four of them. I replaced three.

“Oh my God,” she exclaimed. “I can see. Wow. This place is really dirty.”

No, it wasn’t, but she’s fond of using hyperbole like that.

“Too bright?” I asked. They were 75-watt comparable LED spotlights rated at 650 lumens and 4800K clear daylight. Yes, indeed, they were bright. They also cost about eight dollars each but would endure for almost twelve years. Their specs also claimed their use would only cost about $.016 per year. The last coaxed doubt out of me. Surely that couldn’t be right.

After those bulbs, the rest were anticlimactic. 40 watts for the range. 35-watts LED with a G8 pin base for the under-cabinet work lights. A 50-watts soft white pin mini spotlight (L9) for the living room accent installation over the fireplace, and one of the 60-watt LED bulbs (I’d purchased a ten-pack of the FEIT offering) in the garage. In all, I installed fifteen bulbs, learned a smattering more about the world of lighting, and spent about $57 in light bulbs. But I should spend less on replacements and use less energy.

We’ll see. It was so, so different from the old days of finding a small hardware section and buying almost exclusively on their wattage. Like cereal, which now has what seems like a million choices. Or bread and all of its options over wheat, grain, multi-grain, gluten-free — well, you probably know the dealio. We’ve come a long way from sliced white bread.

Or ice cream. You better know what you want when you decide to buy ice cream in a grocery store. Low fat, dairy free, gluten free, etc. That’s just a start. Then there are sizes and flavors. Prices. Or are you going to go with other options, like frozen yogurt? Options and choices can be overwhelming.

Just like when you buy light bulbs.

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Today’s Wandering Thought

Heading into a store, I encountered a woman standing to one said, leash in hand. On the leash’s other end was a handsome but elderly golden retriever, sitting and yawning. I said good morning to her and then addressed the dog, “What a handsome, yawning puppy.”

Without a beat passing, the woman replied, “I’ll let him know what you said.”

We both burst out laughing.

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Floofgetfulness

Floofgetfulness (floofinition) – A condition where things are forgotten or not done because of an animal.

In Use: “He was planning to vacuum the living room carpet but the little kitten was deeply asleep and looked so sweet, he couldn’t bear to disturb the floof and decided he’d do it later. Then floofgetfunless slipped in, and the vacuuming was not done at all.”

In Use: “Enduring a splash of floofgetfulness, Connor left his sandwich out, giving his dog an opportunity to help herself.”

Recent Use: “Demonstrating the profound floofgetfulness of a newby puppy owner, Maurice left the puppy running free in the house while he ran to a store for a few items, and returned to a disaster zone.”

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Friday’s Theme Music

Mood: enthusiastic

It’s Friday, it’s Febrary 9, it’s still 2024, it’s 40 F and it’s unrelenting cloudy. Layers of clouds, deepest dark in the forefront, light gray white serving as background, all blocking blue sky and warm sun. Sprinter has yielded back to winter. High will be a sweltering 43 F.

They’re masking the house today to begin painting tomorrow. I’m surprised by the conditions they work in, cold and rainy. But if it works, it works. We have two good guys, Brad and Gary, from Rick Stevens painting doing the work. They’re thorough and hardworking, clear professionals who have mastered the processes. Fun cheering them on toward the finish.

The weather has the cats playing in-out-in, a very popular game among floofs. Papi excels. Tucker took one turn, came back in, and headed for the bedroom and sleep. Papi, though, played at least five rounds, taking time between rounds to request food and pets. He’s a sweet little stinker.

I’m late with posting today. A few weeks ago, I wrote a little bit around a prompt about someone named Darla. I shared it with a few friends. They loved it and pestered me to write more. That wasn’t in my plans but I kept thinking about it, playing out different trajectories and concepts, etc. Today I awoke with more Darla in mind. I built out a long scene and then sat at the ‘puter and typed. With a few pauses to dress, eat, talk to the painters and my wife, and drive to the coffee shop, I wrote twenty pages today. It just kept pulling me along. Love writing days like this.

Songwise, nothing was homethere until I thought about the drive to write that piece after I stopped writing. Then The Neurons punted “Got to Get You Into My Life” into the no-longer-morning mental music stream (Trademark coming in two weeks, I promise). I guess The Neurons thought the song was playing into my writing urge. Well, okay.

This Beatle song was released in 1966, when I was ten. Paul McCartney wrote it, and in this video, he performs it at the White House for President Barack Obama, Michelle Obama, and a few guests in 2014.

Stay positive, remain strong, lean forward, and register and vote. That’s all I ask, except for coffee, security, kidness to animals, etc. Here’s the music.

Cheers

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Déjà Floof

Déjà Floof (floofinition) 1. An animal who reminds people or other animals of another animal.

In Use: “When she saw the kitten available for adoption, Rose experienced déjà floof, because the little character looked just like her old cat, Smudge, which she’d lost the year before.”

Recent Use: “Papi looked nothing like Quinn but the way Papi sometimes behaved frequently triggered déjà floof.”

2. A sense of experiencing or enduring an event with an animal that happened before.

In Use: “The sequence of his dog’s declining health triggered déjà floof for Bob, who dreaded what he knew was going to come.”

Recent Use: “Déjà floof descended on Brenda when she saw her husband notice the hungry young stray cats. Animals in need were always finding him, reducing him to a big softy ready to do everything to save them.”

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Floof Rocket

Floof Rocket (floofinition) – A stunningly fast animal. Origins: United States, 1980s

In Use: “Each kitten displayed unique attributes, but the little female initially called Ruth Bader Kitsburg soon revealed she was a floof rocket, surprising everyone with her explosive speed.”

In Use: “After climbing the fence, it was like the beagle was catapulted away as his owner shrieked for Chester to stop.”

Recent Use: “Claire loved getting into the fenced backyard, becoming a floof rocket with the zoomies.”

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Floofkaesque

Floofkaesque (floofinition)– Weird, surreal, or unusual noises or actions done by animals. Origins: 1990s Internet, based on Kafkaesque, a word derived from the writing style of Franz Kafka (1883-1924)

In Use: “When Oaou first joined the household, the small ginger whirlwind would come to the room entry where his people and bark like a small poodle, squawk like a parrot, or issue another floofkaesque noise, causing constant wonder about the little cat’s floofstory.”

In Use: “The crow was already friendly if floofkaesque, bringing shiny gifts such as metal tableware, bracelets, single socks, and plastic storage lids in return for the snacks Dee set out for him every morning and evening.”

Recent Use: “Social media provides many floofkaesque scenes, such as a video of a cat, dog, deer, and duck sitting together on the front porch of a person who has no pets.”

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Sunday’s Wandering Thoughts

Had to replace the overhead bulb on the stove. It’s for one of two lights setting on either side of the exhaust fan, below the microwave, above the range.

As I’m removing the old way and going through the usual questions of what watts, what size, all that, I see that instructions for replacing the bulbs are printed on a label right there by the exhaust. Only problem for me is that this required me to be on the other side of the stove to read it, you know the rear of the stove, the part residing against the wall.

Boy, someone was thinking hard when they made that decision.

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Floofrade

Floofrade (floofinition) – An animal who is a close associate, confidante, or companion.

In Use: “Many people shut in with illness or social isolation often bond with an animal who becomes their floofrade, alleviation their loneliness and buoying their spirits.”

In Use: “People rage about which make better floofrades, cats or dogs, a silly argument, as many people — and animals — easily have both canine and feline floofrades, along with birds, hamsters, turtles, and wildlife like squirrels, crows, deer, and chipmunks.”

Recent Use: “Social media is heavy with stories about how a found floof becomes someone’s floofrade and saves them.”

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Saturday’s Theme Music

Mood: coffeemistic

Good morning to all you fellow solsters, riding Earth as we race around the sun. It’s a fine and blustery sprinter day in Ashlandia, where coffee shops and bookstores are above average. Sunshine is bursting at the seams today, Saturday, February 2, 2024, although I don’t know what seams. Just an expression I picked up from Mom eons ago. I challenged her, what seams, when she used the expression on something without seams. “It’s just an expression for something really big,” she replied. “Use your imagination.”

The cats love the sunshine but dislike the cold and wind. See, despite the sun and an outside temperature of 47 F, that wind changes the feel index, and the cats know it. This is strongly true in the shadows, and both Tucker and Papi ended up declaring, the paw with this. Though, of course, Tucker tried once and knew while Papi had to go out and come back four times to verify it was better outside.

Objective one in selling the house is underway. The house was washed yesterday. Second task is the scrapping and minor repairs. Third is the actual painting. Then we move to objective two, landscaping.

The cats’ reaction to the power washing was interesting. Tucker went to his bed spot, thoroughly washed, and went to sleep. Papi, however, watched and then distanced himself from the house. Impressively, as soon as my wife returned from her exercise class, coincidently when the painting crew left, Papi raced past her into the house when she opened the door. Straight to the food bowl the poor floof went, scarfing down kibble to make up for being food deprived for over two hours.

Today’s song is “Hand Me Down World”, a song released by a Canadian rock band, The Guess Who, back in 1970. Though more known for their hit, “American Woman”, the band had a number of other hits and I enjoyed them. The Neurons plugged this into my morning mental music stream (Trademark coming in two weeks) today fifty-four years later because I made the mistake of thinking about something that was hand-me-down in the kitchen, a pie server.

I feel the same now about the song and its intentions as I did fifty-four years ago. Basically viewing it as a protest against the way things are, the song argues for change for the better. Remember that this was the cold war era, when the US and USSR and their respective allies stood ready to fire off nukes at one another in the name of deterrence. Remember, too, the pollution filling the skies, turning cities like Pittsburgh into midnight on sunny days. The Civil Rights Movement was storming across the nation, the Vietnam Conflict was still underway, and protests against business as usual in politics was a regular feature of the nightly news. Look up the history of the 1960s and you’ll read about protests in the streets and on campuses. Remember segregation and integration, the Detroit riots, the Chicago 7, police brutality, and the 1968 Democratic National Convention? Then, to cap things off in 1970 were the Kent State National Guard shootings. The 1960s were also when President John F. Kennedy and Senator Bobby Kennedy were assassinated, along with MLK, Jr., and Tricky Dick Nixon was lodged in the White House. This was the era of tune out and turn on as the hippie culture rose.

There was a lot of other things happening in that troubled era of change. All that’s the iceberg’s top. So, yeah, thirteen years old, I was ready for change, and embraced songs like this calling for it. Although we’ve made a lot of progress since then, the GOP is ready to go back to that bullshit. We’re still dominated as a nation by racism, sexism, discrimination, and the patriarchy. We’re still fighting for equality and justice for all, regardless of how they look, their gender or sexual orientation, or the color of their skin. We’re supposed to be a melting pot of different strengths, weaknesses, and differences, which was what made us strong. Progress has been made but a lot more is needed.

Yet so many people’s minds are closed against progress. Many are keeping their minds closed to be spiteful. Others didn’t keep up with change and resent that their way of life has been left behind. Others are apparently so full of hate for those who are not them that they’re ready to destroy the nation in the name of their politics or gods.

Stay positive, stay strong, lean forward, and vote like your rights depend on it. I’m coffeenated but ready for more. Here’s the music. Cheers

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