Floofogony(floofinition) – 1. An account of floofs’ origins on Earth. Origins: Poem of 1022 lines by Floofsiod, written about 1026 BCE.
In Use: “Few humans have been granted access to the Floofogony, a document which is precious to animals and kept in the Fortress of Floofitude in an undisclosed place which is said to exist in an area of Earth inaccessible to humans.”
Recent Use: “Although many societies offer greater recognition that animals are not dumb and do have feelings and are capable of more intelligence than previously credited, the idea of a document such as the Floofogony is usually roundly mocked.”
2. Anguish of any sort felt about the loss of an animal or an animal’s situation. Origins: middle-english, first known use in fourteenth century.
In Use: “When their dog raced out of the yard after his bath, immediate floofogony was felt by all the family members even as they scrambled to put on their shoes, get in the car and find her.”
Recent Use: “With the Internet showing more about animals across the spectrum helping one another or asking humans for help, more people experience floofogony as they read stories or watch videos about animals being dumped, abused, or in need of medical intervention after accidents.
Floofdischronia – (floofinition) Mental condition which causes people to lose time to spending time learning about animals or interacting with animals. Origins: Greece, 1671.
In Use: “Greek doctors responded to a crises of economy by examining how humans and floofs engaged and soon found that animals exerted a hypnotic hold on many people of a certain disposition, causes sch individuals to forget about time or deliberately ignore it to stay with animals, a condition which the labeled floofdischronia.
Recent Use: “The pandemic hitting U.S. shores in 2020 brought a precipitous rise in floofdischronia for several years, even impacting the U.S. economy as people chose to quit working to stay home with their pets.”
Après-petting Cleaning (APC)(floofinition) – The fur cleaning required after a human touching a floof’s fur after the floof has just finished cleaning it. Origins: US, derived from French. First use observed in 1960.
In Use: “Barney had just finished cleaning his fur and was settling in for a nap when Meg came him, saw him, and came over, burying her face in his side’s fur as she covered him with smooches, forcing Barney into a vigorous après-petting cleaning.”
Recent Use: ‘Carla’s Instagram account is a popular place, with many people tuning in to see what her cats are doing, especially when she forces them into après-petting cleaning by touching the cats on their backs while saying, “Doink.”‘
Cogfloofscente(floofinition) – A person who has expert knowledge of an animal or group of animals. Origins: borrowed from Italian with roots in Latin cogfloofōscere. First use observed in 1786.
In use: “Insperable from one another, Naia was a cogfloofscente of Lucky, claiming to know everything the floof’s expression showed and understand every sound the animal made.”
In use: “Familiar with routines, habits, and predilections, Corvette was a cogfloofscente of his family of humans and their close friends, taking advantage of them to get treats, belly rubs, and laps.”
Recent use: “In the first year of COVID sheltering-in-place guidance, many people and their floofs became cogfloofscente of the others, recognizing not just what made the other happy or upset, but also effectively comforting the other.”
Despite a cloudy presence, it’s a sunny Tuesday, November 7, 2023. An election day in many precincts, we’re not voting on anything this year in Ashlandia, where the voters are blue with purple tints and mostly retired professionals. It’s 49 F now with plans to burst into the low fifties, perhaps even hitting up to 53 F. Woo – break out the shorts and tank tops.
Do people still wear tank tops?
My clothes amused me today after I dressed. They were so funny, cracking jokes among themselves. Yeah, I need to say that information differently: The Neurons pointed out how old my wardrobe is, amusing me. Like, the jacket was purchased in San Francisco at Macy’s in December, 2005, during a trip to the city from our new home in Oregon to visit with friends and hear some blues at a club. Pants, underwear, and socks are fairly new at four ~ five years, but my brown Nunn Bush shoes are over twenty-five years old, which strikes me as impossible. And they still fit and are amazingly comfortable. Just a little older than the shoes is the Arrows shirt, purchased at the Naval Air Station Moffett Field Exchange back in 1996.
Weird what memories stay sharp in the mind. Adding it all up, I’m an old clothes man who will never be accused of being a fashion plate. Oh, well.
I keep finding pieces of kibble at odd places in the house, such as the bedroom hallway, in the living room by the television, and in the office. I normally pick them up and toss them away. Yesterday, though, I saw Papi, the ginger blade, come up, sniff the kibble, look around, and then head for the feeding station. That put it all into context: these kibble pieces are not lost or misplaced, but precisely located elements of the KPS, the shorthand for the Kibble Positioning System. Consulting the KPS provides the floof about food locations. The floofs have such amazing technology, yeah?
The Neurons knocked me back with the music they slotted into the morning mental music stream (Trademark fishy). I was in the kitchen, minding my own business, getting on with needs. Having fed the house floofs, I’m preparing my own brekkie when I hear, “Words can’t bring me down.” Within a heartbeat or two, I’m hearing more of Christina Aguilera singing “Beautiful” from 2002.
Why this song today? I asked Der Neurons.
No, they didn’t respond, but I knew that it was about words. First, words in the news about polls, politics, and elections; then words about wars, killings, and death; and finally, words in my novel-in-process and where it stands and what I’m gonna do with it next.
It’s such a strong and lovely song, though, well sung and produced, I’m happy with it in the MMMS.
Every day is so wonderful Then suddenly it’s hard to breathe Now and then I get insecure From all the pain, I’m so ashamed
I am beautiful no matter what they say Words can’t bring me down I am beautiful in every single way Yes, words can’t bring me down… Oh no So don’t you bring me down today
To all your friends you’re delirious So consumed in all your doom Trying hard to fill the emptiness The pieces gone, left the puzzle undone Is that the way it is?
You are beautiful no matter what they say Words can’t bring you down…oh no You are beautiful in every single way Yes, words can’t bring you down, oh, no So don’t you bring me down today
No matter what we do (No matter what we do) No matter what we say (No matter what we say) We’re the song inside the tune Full of beautiful mistakes
And everywhere we go (And everywhere we go) The sun will always shine (The sun will always, always shine) And tomorrow we might wake on the other side
We are beautiful no matter what they say Yes, words won’t bring us down, no, no We are beautiful in every single way Yes, words can’t bring us down, oh, no So don’t you bring me down today
Oh, yeah, don’t you bring me down today, yeah, ooh Don’t you bring me down ooh… today
It’s a song worth listening to and thinking about. I hope you’ll listen and agree.
On to the day. Stay pos, be strong, lean forward, and remember that you’re beautiful. Coffee is at hand once again to bolster my will. Here’s the video. Cheers
Obsfloofscat – (floofinition): A view or situation confused or obscured by an animal’s presence or behavior. Origins: borrowed from Late Latin, first observed in use in 1536.
In Use: “Awakening, Skylar wanted to see the time, but the view was obsfloofscatted by Norman, a large Maine Coon in his prime, resting on her chest, his bushy black tail across her face.”
Recent Use: “An online video showed a cat, dog, and broken plant, with dirt and plant spread around the room. The animals’ expression obsfloofscatted the guilty party’s identity as both animals’ fur was absolutely clean.”
Infloofcapitate(floofinition) – To be disabled by an animal. Origins: 1660s, Old French and Middle English, first noted widespread use in Britain.
In use: “Many people with pets often find themselves infloofcapitated when they sit down at a computer as a household pet horns in to either be part of whatever’s happening, or trying to stop activities that takes attention away from themselves.”
In use: “When she went down for her nap on the sofa, the household managerie joined her, infloofcapitating her and extending what was to be a twenty minute respite into almost two hours.”
Recent use: “During COVID era Zoom meetings with people working from home, the Internet was enriched with tales of pets showing up. floofrupting meetings and infloofcapitating people.”
Gerfloofious(floofinition) – Humans or animals fond of the company of animals. Origins: 1660s (Latin), from ‘gerx’ – flock or gathering. Initial use of the word was to reference people who ‘gathered in herds to celebrate or learn’ but the meaning gradually shifted to its modern definition and was widely used as such by the early nineteen hundreds.
In use: “Mouse was usually taciturn or withdrawn around people but encountering animals, he became a gerfloofious socialite.”
In use: “Learning that their youngest child, Davy, was austistic, Lori and her family often struggled with his angry outbursts and lashing out, but when animals came into the household, his demeanor shifted and he became a gerfloofious individual, displaying characteristics and personality that they’d never witnessed heretofore in him, boosting their hope for the manner of life he could lead.”
Recent use: “When Meerkat Manor began airing in 2005, the gerfloofious meerkats quickly charmed many people, turning viewers into peri-addicts to see what happened next to Flower, Tosca, Shakespeare, and the rest.”
Hallfloofcinate(floofinition) – To affect with visions of animals or imaginary perceptions of an animal’s presence.
In Use: “Folks who think they spotted an animal only to not see it again likely did not hallfloofcinate but instead glimpsed a floof traveling via quantum portals.”
In Use: “When a pet hallfloofcinates by leaping up and staring, listening intently or even growling, their people are often freaked out and worried that something is in the house.”
Recent Use: “Atlas frequently hallfloofcinated — or seemed to — leaping up and growling with stiff hackles, but no matter how many times this happened, Suzanne was compelled to get a baseball bat to protect herself and lock the door to whatever room she was in.”
Floofservant(floofinition)1. An animal who serves others. Origins: 1920s, United States.
In use: “After former President, George H.W. Bush, passed away, many people were moved by the sight of Sully, Bush’s longtime floofservant, beside the casket.”
In use: “Pudditat, a stray cat with a rep as a bully, became a floofservant, acting as a guide floof for Tervel, a blind farm dog.”
2. A person or individual who attends to animals’ needs and desires. Origins: 2000s, United States, Internet.
In use: “Many people end up as floofservants, voluntarily working to reduce the stray cat population and managing feral cat colonies so felines have safer, healthier, and happier lives.”
In use: “Rescuing a dog can be noble and rewarding work, but people who do so end up virtually being a floofservant as months of work is done to restore the canine’s emotional and physical health.”
Michael Seidel, writer 