Tailguistics(floofinition) The study of how animals use their tails to communicate. Origins: Oregon, United States, 2017
In Use: “Through tailguistics, scientists have verified what a dog’s wagging tail or a cat’s slashing tail means; the bigger question confronting them is, how is all of this passed on between animals?”
Recent Use: “Mapping animals’ brins and recording the signals between brain and the tail, scientists in California studying tailguistics were able to create TailTalks, an app for animals which lets them speak aloud in different languages.”
Blufloofery (floofinition) – Behavior or sounds made by animals which are aggressive or overly boastful. Origins: California, United States, late nineteenth century.
In Use: “The established house dog, Duke, approached the new feline floofies. Just a few weeks old, they were instantly blufloofery, threatening the big boxer with SHPC: spits, hisses, puffed fur, and claw swipes.”
Recent Use: “People who rescue abused animals often must deal with a blufloofery dog and use patience, a calm voice, time, and treats to win the floofs over.”
Neitherfloof(floofinition) – An animal who can’t be found where expected, or doesn’t eat or act as expected or desired. Origins: unknown, in use since the first animals began living with humans.
In Use: “Many people with housefloofs have experienced the frustration of neitherfloof when they buy their pets treats, new food, or a new toy, only for their fur buddy to disdainfully walk away from the offering.”
In Use: “The little neitherfloof was a master at hiding in the house, and his human friends could often be overheard as they searched the house, ‘He’s not in here, either.'”
Recent Use: “Neitherfloofs often worry their human slaves when they disappear outdoors and don’t return for days, found neither here nor there.”
Floofshine – Feelings of joy, happiness, or relief felt when encountering an animal. Origins: Boston, MA, United States, 1964
In Use: “Kai loved encountering Marvel when he got home after being at work. The dog’s grinning face and heavy tail wag was more satisfying than any work project, more relaxing than a glass of wine, and more inspiring than any music he’d ever heard.”
In Use: “Science is still working to verify floofshine’s impact on people’s health, but people with animals as housemates and friends already have a strong idea of the positive impact that floofs deliver.”
Recent Use: “Even after death, floofshine from a departed housefloof can linger for months, thanks to videos, social media, and photographs.”
Flooftype(floofinition) – Original pattern or model of an animal which all others copy or imitate. Origins: unknown.
In Use: “Barley was the flooftype of a dog as a young woman’s friend, companion, and guard, friendly and joyful with her and anyone she trusts and invites into their circle, but a deadly threat if you menaced or upset her.”
In Use: “The cheesettes were the flooftype of orange kittens — energetic and bubbling with curiosity, getting in trouble in unusual ways, but as sweet as sugar beneath it all.”
Recent Use: “Finding the orphaned baby kitten, the mother quickly became the flooftype of caring mothers everywhere, feeding and caring for the little one.”
Chunkofloof(floofinition) – 1. An overweight animal. (Origins: late 1990s, early world wide web.)
In Use: “Cunning at finding and getting her treats out of cupboards (often aided by the cat), Annie Barkley quickly grew into an adorable chunkofloof.”
2. A large collection of animal toys, tools, or memfloofabilia. (Origins: 2014, “The Official Guide to the Floofiverse,” McMeowing, Barks, and Wings.)
In Use: “Most homes with pets have a chunkofloof, and I’m no exception, with a cupboard full of food, dishes, brushes, and toys for my floofhearts.”
Recent Use: “Monica shared a video of her chunkofloof, China, building up a chunkofloof of things China was stealing form the neighbors.”
Floofuzzle(floofinition) – 1. To silence an animal through sound, motion, treats, food, or intimidation. Origins: Late floofish, the United States, early 1990s.
In Use: “The trouble with floofuzzling Flowerpuss was she was hellasmart and immediately understood that if she threw a noisy flooftrum, Beth would shower her with treats to floofuzzle her.”
2. Anything that attracts and intrigues an animal. Origins: Middle English, 1528.
In Use: “Hearing something downstairs, Titus leaped up and barked up a storm, and then stood at the top of the staircase, staring down into the darkness, tilting his head to one way and then the other, ears flopping, as he attempted to solve the floofuzzle of the noise he thought he’d heard.”
Recent Use: “Crows seem to love a good floofuzzle, and are experts at figuring things out, even using sticks as tools in their problem solving.”
3. Actions or noises which animals make that confuses others. First used in mid-1950s.
In Use: “Boldly the little patchy white tabby marched up to the giant German Shepherd and delivered a swat on his black nose, causing him to draw back, floofuzzled. The dog seemed to be thinking, ‘What is this bold little creature? How did it get into the house? And what is that smell?'”
Eloflooftion(floofinition) – A style of speaking to an animal especially in private.
In Use: “Derek and Hercules were both substantial individuals, when alone at home, Derek always slipped into a squeaky eloflooftion that had the dog pumping his tail in zest and bark with happiness.”
In Use: “Whenever people entered the house and spotted the kittens, they inevitably told the tiny critters how cute the beings were in eloflooftion like they were talking to human infants.”
Recent Use: “Sometimes eloflooftion isn’t needed because the floof and the human both know how much they love and appreciate one another.
An email was forwarded to us by friends who live about two miles away. We’re toward Ashlandia’s southern perimeter, and they’re above the library downtown. It’s a small town.
Good morning HOA – I wanted to reach out and let you all know that the past 2 nights we have had a cougar in the neighborhood. Last night, it unfortunately killed our older cat. We also found a dead raccoon in our yard so I would urge you all to keep any pets inside at night if possible. The cougar seems to be especially active around dusk – It was hunting earlier in the evening yesterday just after 6pm and we had let our cat out without thinking it would be active so early.
It looks to be injured and we have seen it limping. It did not run away when we tried to shoo it away so be aware that if you are near it, it may not run away and may be more aggressive because it is injured and can’t run away easily.
We’re rural, not deeply populated or industrialized. Cougars and bears live in the area along with foxes and coyotes, raccoons, deer, etc. Of course, the cougars and bears are rarer that most of the others, wilder, and carnivores, so they get a sketch more attention than other critters. That it has killed someone’s pet makes me wince for the animal and its owner. Grudgingly I accept, this is part of life, and then my thoughts churn with worry about my own little housefloofs and how much they enjoy going outside.
Heading into a store, I encountered a woman standing to one said, leash in hand. On the leash’s other end was a handsome but elderly golden retriever, sitting and yawning. I said good morning to her and then addressed the dog, “What a handsome, yawning puppy.”
Without a beat passing, the woman replied, “I’ll let him know what you said.”
Michael Seidel, writer 