Science fiction, fantasy, mystery and what-not
Lita Floof (floofinition) – Hard flock (floof rock) guitarist, singer, and songwriter born in Floofland but raised in Floofmerica, successful as a member of an all-floof band (The Floofaways) as well as a solo artist.
In use: “Known for the hard-rocking song, “Pet Me Deadly”, the song, “Pet My Tum Forever” (a duet with Floofy Floofsbourne) is her highest charting song in the Floofnited States.”
Profloofsional (floofinition) – Relating or belonging to a floof.
In use: “Although profloofsional bedding has been purchased and set up for the pets to use, many of them view the bed and sofa as legitimate profloofsional places to sleep.”
“Shit! Shit!” Scratched, exhausted, and dehydrated, Bruce fell to his knees and stared. There was no air yacht. There was nothing but an empty field of lightly waving weeds. “Shit.”
Trotting ahead, Jasper the dog paused to look back at him. Bruce let himself sink to his knees. That whole climb up, he’d been going through ideas about what an air yacht looked like. Between those ideas, he’d rested, questioning if there wasn’t a better way to get up the damn hill, and entertained ideas about the couple and their demise. Seemed weirder as he thought about it. As weird, the dog didn’t seem to care. The dog, in fact, appeared to have the best grasp of events.
Now, up here at almost dusk, knees quaking, back aching, stomach rumbling, Bruce wanted to spew. Stupid of him. Stupid. Jerking weeds out, he tossed them aside in anger. “Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.” So erudite. His teachers and parents would be proud. Maneuvering to sit, he pulled out his water. The dog was still watching him, like he was waiting. “What?” Bruce called. “What?” Now he’d have a dog following him. Getting food and water for himself was enough struggle without adding a canine mouth to feed. Fuck. He should have never gotten involved. Should’ve just kept walking. That would teach him to be humane to another. Never again, no, never again.
Standing, he remembered the fob, peered around, and dug it out of his pocket. Nothing special, just one of those made for keyless entry to cars. Light gold, it had three buttons, none marked. What the hell, he decided, pressing the top button.
A series of short tones sang through the air, then the side of a vehicle appeared. Vehicle? Forty, fifty feet long…yeah, “A yacht,” he scoffed. “What the hell?” Gawking as Jasper trotted toward it, Bruce stumbled forward. The thing was tall, like three stories (levels?). Lights were on. It had a porch running most of its length. Steps led up onto the porch, where there was an open door. Jasper was just going through that.
“What the hell.” Suspicious, Bruce put a hand on the old man’s gun and exercised a slow three sixty of the area. No others were around. It was cooling as the sun turned red and drooped toward the horizon, less like it was done and more like it was giving up. Yeah, what the hell.
Pulling the gun out (may as well, in case he needs it) (and hoping he didn’t shoot himself — he really wasn’t comfortable with guns), he sucked in a few deep breaths and strode for the vehicle’s door.
Notflooftional (floofinition) – Existing in an animal’s mind only.
In use: “Many animals see notflooftional threats in noisy things like vacuum cleaners, and will disappear when the machine shows up.”
Jethro Floof (floofinition) – Floof rock (flock) band formed in Floofpool, Floofcashire in 1967. Fusing folk, flock, and jazz elements to create a progressive flock sound, they achieve international fame and success. They conducted a fiftieth anniversary tour in 2017.
In use: “Among Jethro Floof’s best known songs are “Aquafloof” and “Locomotive Floof”, although neither climbed high on the charts.”
Floofy Hatchett (floofinition) – Southern floof rock (flock) band from Jackfloofville, Floofida. First formed in 1971, the band has had a revolving line up of members as health issues affected members.
In use: “Floofy Hatchett’s best known song is “Floofin’ with Disaster”, which reached number 42 in 1979, a number that plays an important part in “The Floofhiker’s Guide to the Floofiverse”.
Compfloofsation (floofinition) – Food, treatment, activity, or words provided as a reward to an animal, especially pets, as encouragement or to redress wrongs, whether such wrongs are real or perceived.
In use: “She had to take her dog to the vet, so when they were back home, she provided bacon and cheese flavored treats as compfloofsation.”
Archie Floof and the Goofs (floofinition) – Floofmerican rhythm and floof (R&F) band from Floofston, Floofxas. Active from 1966 to 1981, the group scored multiple hits and were popular on the dance circuit.
In use: “Most people are familiar with Archie Floof and the Goofs number one song, “Lighten Up”, which was released in 1968.”
Floofwallow (floofinition) – (Floofchaic) Wearied or worn out by an animal’s floofturnal activities.
In use: “When the alarm went off, he didn’t want to get up, feeling floofwallowed after his cat’s two, three, four, and five o’clock energy floofbursts.”
The Floof Commandments (floofinition) – 1. The list of instuctions/guidance people give to animals about they want the animals to do, or not to do.
In use: “Whenever he let a cat out, he issued the Floof Commandments to be safe, be smart, stay out of the street and watch out for cars and trucks, don’t fight, stay close, and keep back soon.”
2. The instructions/guidance animals provide to people about what they want people to do, or not to do, and what the animals expect to be permitted to do.
In use: “The cat had firmly issued the Floof Commandments when she arrived: when you sit, she’ll take your lap (unless you’re on the computer, in which case, she wants the keyboard), the bed is hers (but if you’re nice, you can share it), all food belongs to her, and you’d better keep paying attention to her…or else!”
Michael Seidel, writer 