Category: catfinition

Floofaroni

Floofaroni (floofinition) – 1. A housepet that features long, tubular bodies that remind people of macaroni; 2. Housepets that seem as loose and pliable as cooked macaroni noodles; 3. Macaroni covered in pet fur; 4. The macaroni that a pet starts eating.

In use: “After making mac and cheese for herself, set it on the table to go back and get pepper and a glass of wine. When she came back, the lab was standing on his hind legs, eating her meal. When she shouted, “Hey,” he looked at her like he was saying, “I thought this was floofaroni. This isn’t for me?””

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Floofcadian

Floofcadian (floofinition) – characterized by, or occurring in periods or cycles dictated by housepets.

In use: “In theory, he went to bed at midnight and got up at six thirty to seven in the morning, but the cat’s floofcadian rhythm meant he awoke several times, usually beginning at three oh seven, to deal with cats going in and out, asking for food, or causing mischief because they’re bored.”

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Flooflighting

Flooflighting (floofinition) – similar to gaslighting, flooflighting takes place when a housepet begins manipulating activities to sow seeds of doubt about what’s going on to either inflict terror, gain power, or get revenge.

In use: “She was beginning to think her cat was flooflighting her. Every time she couldn’t find something, she’d find the big black and white cat sleeping on it under her favorite chair. It couldn’t be a coincidence that things were always dropped there. He had to be picking them, moving them there, and then hiding them from her.”

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Floophet

Floophet (floofinition) – a housepet gifted with abilities to foretell the future.

In use: “The Dalmatian floophet always knew someone had arrived before others, and divined if they were a stranger before they reached the door, announcing the differences with unique barks, but she also knew when someone was becoming sick, even before they knew, immediately comforting and treating them with gentle tongue licks and a constant presence.”

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Thoroughfloof

Thoroughfloof (floofinition) – a fastidious, meticulous, or tidy housepet.

In use: “A thoroughfloof in his litter box habits, the big tabby tom always dug a hole, did his business in the hole, and then covered the hole with his business with brisk, quick strokes.”

“The beagle was a throughfloof when it came to food, snatching up and lapping up anything dropped on the floor before two seconds passed, and licking his bowl clean at every feeding.”

 

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Floof-matter

Floof-matter (floofinition) – a hypothetical form of matter invisible to people that housepets often notice, postulated to account for animals’ odd behavior.

In use: “Without warning, the cat leaped up from its dead sleep, stood on her lap, and stared across the room without movement. She stayed calm, realizing that Alberta was probably seeing floof-matter.”

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Floofdude

Floofdude (floofinition) – animal lover.

In use: “The floofdude kept food and treats in his bag so that he could feed any cats and dogs that he met, and carried nuts and seeds for crows and squirrels. They all started looking for him. It was like Mr. Doolittle was walking down the street on some days.”

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Foodiefloof

Foodiefloof (floofinition) – a housepet who displays loyalty to whoever has the food; a housepet who is fond of food and eating.

In use: “Titus is sometimes a dudefloof, but when I’m cooking, he becomes a foodiefloof, and then, he’s all mine!”

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Doofloof

Doofloof (floofinition) – a housepet who often acts silly.

In use: “The feathered doofloof liked collecting things from around the house like rubber bands, chains, keys, and bracelets, often dancing in triumph while singing when he added a new treasure to his collection.”

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Dudefloof

Dudefloof (floofinition) – a housepet who prefers male company.

In use: “In a house with three young girls and two female adults, the dog turned out to be a dudefloof, even though one of the girls had rescued him. Wherever her husband went, the spaniel followed.”

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